229 Teach Your Children How to Say Sorry
229 教育孩子如何道歉
If you want to teach your children how to say sorry, you must be good at saying it yourself, especially to your own children. But how you say it can be quite tricky.
如果你想教会你的孩子如何说对不起，你自己首先必须很善于说对不起，特别是对你自己的孩子说对不起。但是你该如何去说却并非易事。
If you say to your children “I’m sorry I got angry with you, but ...” what follows that “but” can render the apology ineffective: “I had a bad day” or “your noise was giving me a headache” leaves the person who has been injured feeling that he should be apologizing for his bad behavior in expecting an apology.
如果你对孩子说：“对不起，我对你发火了，但是……。”紧跟在“但是“后面的内容会使道歉无效。例如。我度过了糟糕的一天”，或是“你发出的吵闹声使我头疼。这些话会使那个被你伤害的人感到他应该为自己的坏行为而道歉而不是等别人来对自己说抱歉。
Another method by which people appear to apologize without actually doing so is to say “I’m sorry you’re upset”; this suggests that you are somehow at fault for allowing yourself to get upset by what the other person has done.
另一种看似在道歉，而实际上并没有道歉的说法就是：“对不起，让你不安了。”这句话暗示着不知怎的你感到困惑，因为别人所做的事情使你很不安。
Then there is the general, all covering apology, which avoids the necessity of identifying a specific act that was particularly hurtful or insulting, and which the person who is apologizing should promise never to do again. Saying “I’m useless as a parent” does not commit a person to any specific improvement.
然后，还有一种宽泛的，不着边际的道歉，这种道歉避开了有必要指明的尤其能伤害或侮辱人的具体行为，而这些行为是那个道歉的人应许诺永不再傲的事情。说”作为父母，我真是没用”这样的话无法使一个人产生真正具体的自我反思。
These pseudo-apologies are used by people who believe saying sorry shows weakness, Parents who wish to teach their children to apologize should see it as a sign of strength, and therefore not resort to these pseudo-apologies.
这些冒牌的道歉常常被一些人所使用，他们认为道歉是软弱的表现。想要教会孩子道歉的家长应该把道歉看作是勇气的一种象征。因此，不要使用这些假冒的道歉方式。
But even when presented with examples of genuine contrition, children still need help to become a ware of the complexities of saying sorry. A three-year-old might need help in understanding that other children feel pain just as he does, and that hitting a playmate over the head with a heavy toy requires an apology. A six-year-old might need reminding that spoiling other children’s expectations can require an apology. A 12-year-old might need to be shown that raiding the biscuit tin without asking permission is acceptable, but that borrowing a parent’s clothes without permission is not.
但是即使用真正痛悔的榜样来说明，要想让孩子们了解道歉的复杂性仍需要帮助。一个三岁的孩子只有在帮助下才会理解跟他一样的别的孩子也会感到痛，用—个沉重的玩具去打伙伴的头是需要道歉的。当一个六岁孩子弄坏其他孩子期待的东西时，他需要被提醒去道歉。人们应该告诉12岁的孩子，在没有得到允许的情况下，他们可以从饼干盒子里拿饼干。但是却不能未经允许就去穿父母的衣服。