170 The barstool pest
170 酒吧高脚凳上的害虫
A man sitting in a bar noticed a beautiful woman a few stools down. The physiological possibilities of this sort of phenomena pervaded the man’s mind and pierced his thoughts. He turned to her and said, “Madame, if I may petition to express my opinion, I find your physiology quite picturesque and your pigment perfect.” Appearing quite perturbed, her mouth dropped open like a petal from a flower. “Please do not be a pest,” she replied. The man decided to take the approach of philology at this phase of the conversation and commented on her phonetics, “If I may say so, your stops, affricates, and especially your bi-labials are phenomenally attractive.” “Your pestilential comments are not pertinent,” replied the woman even more perturbed. Trying to pinpoint why the woman was such a pillar of frigidity, the man resorted to a sort of pilferage of her person and simply reached over and pinched her bottom. “Pervert!” she yelled, “Pestilence deserves pesticide.” She picked up a can of Raid from behind the counter and aimed it at the man, who suddenly appeared to petrify. Just then the bartender stepped in and said, “I too consider your physiology and phonetics phenomenal. Do not blame this poor man for being overcome with passion.” The woman’s heart softened, and she put down the bug spray, “Well, I guess you’re not such a pest after all. In fact, you’re kind of cute when you’re petrified. What’s your name?”
酒吧里有个人发现与他相隔几张凳子的距离处坐着一个异常美丽的女子。看到这种现象后可能产生的生理反应顿时弥漫了他的心灵，穿透了他的思想。于是他走过去对那女子说道：“小姐，如果我可以请求得到您的许可，我将说出我的看法。我发现您的身体非常美丽，您的面部颜色也近乎完美。”看来那位女子感到被打扰了，她的嘴唇像花瓣一样撅了起来。“请不要当一个害虫。”她回答道。谈话已经到了这个阶段，这个家伙决定采取语言学的方法，开始对她的语音进行评论道：“如果您允许我这么说的话，我得告诉您，您说话时语句的停顿、所发的破擦
音，尤其是您的双唇音都明显具有无穷吸引力。”“你那简直可以引起瘟疫的评论太不中肯了。”那女子回答道，看来她感到心烦意乱。可这个家伙实在想查明为什么她这样如柱子般冷淡，于是使出最后一招——准备偷偷摸一下她的身体。他直接走上前去，掐了一下她的屁股。“你这个变态狂！”女子尖叫道，“你这样的瘟疫应该用杀虫剂来剿灭。”她随手从柜台后拿了一罐雷达杀虫剂，对准这个吓得呆若木鸡的家伙。正当此时，酒吧招待走了进来，见此情景，他说道：“我也认为你的身体和语音非常特殊。别责怪这个可怜虫！他已经被激情冲昏了头脑。”这个女子晟后心软了，她把杀虫剂喷雾器放下，说道：“你毕竟不是这样的害虫。事实上，你发呆的样子还是很可爱的。你叫什么名字？”
Words:
pertinent adj.相关的,切题的,中肯的
perturb v.使不安,扰乱
pervade v.弥漫,渗透
pervert v.使堕落,引入歧途,曲解,滥用n.性变态者
pest n.害虫,有害的东西
pesticide n.杀虫剂
pestilence n.瘟疫
pestilential adj.引起瘟疫的
petal n.花瓣
petition n.请愿v.请求,恳求,请愿
petrify v.石化,吓呆
phase n.阶段,态
phenomena n.现象
phenomenally adv.明白地,显著地
philology n.语言学,文献学
phonetics n.语音学
physiological adj.生理学的,生理上的
physiology n.生理学
picturesque adj.似画的,美丽的
pierce vt.穿透,戳穿
pigment n.色素,颜料
pilferage n.行窃,偷盗
pillar n.柱,柱子
pinch vt.掐,夹痛
pinpoint vt.准确地确定,用针标出…的精确位置,找出(原因),查明