171 The platitudinous priest
171 老调重弹的牧师
There was a priest who, because of his plainspoken sermons, was considered pioneering in his field. When he gave his sermons, he would use plain language to avoid platitude and pique the interest of the congregation.
有一个牧师在布道时敢于直言不讳地说话，因此被认为是牧师行业的先驱者。在布道时，他总是使用简单平实的语言，尽量避免陈词滥调，因而总能激起教众的极大兴趣。
Of course any pious pioneer is going to have his antagonist, and the priest was no exception. One Sunday morning, after passing around the collection plate, the priest was giving his sermon, “and God cursed the heathens with a plague” He had already reached a plateau, and as he was approaching the pivotal point, one of the men, who had been squirming and pivoting in his pew, suddenly stoop up and yelled, “Plagiarism! Plagiarism!” The congregation began to grumble. The priest, trying to placate the congregation, said to the man, “Sir, if I have spoken any platitudinous remarks,” As the priest spoke and gestured, he inadvertently knocked over a wine pitcher next to the platform, which in turn fell into the orchestra pit and struck a boy soprano, who let out a high-pitched, ear-splitting shrill. The rafters at the top of the church shook, a plate like piece of plaster followed by a plank fell and struck the antagonistic man. As the man was lying in the ambulance with a bottle of plasma connected to his arm, a policeman said, “Who is the plaintiff here?” “I am,” said the man. “And who is the accused?” asked the policeman. “I am,” said the priest. The priest mumbled to himself, “It would have been better if I had been struck by the plague.”
当然，任何虔诚的先驱者都会遇到唱反调的人，这位牧师也不例外。一个星期天早上，在教徒们捐赠的圣餐具旁走了一圈之后，这位牧师开始布道了，“……主用灾祸诅咒那些异教徒……”当他的布道已达到了类似高原的高潮时期，正要说出最关键的一点的时候，有一个一直以座位为支点不安分地扭动不已的人突然站起来喊道：“剽窃！剽窃！”教徒们开始抱怨了。那位牧师试图安抚教众，对那个人说道：“先生，如果我是老调重弹……”牧师激动的手比地说着，一不留神他碰倒了讲坛旁边的一个大酒罐，它又跟着跌进了乐队演奏池里，砸到了一个唱高音的小男孩。小男孩跟着尖叫了一声，音调极高，简直是震耳欲聋。教堂的屋梁都被震动了，一块层状的石膏和一块厚木板先后掉了下来，刚好砸在了那个唱反调的人身上。当那个人躺在救护车里，胳膊上还吊着一瓶血浆的时候，警察问他，“谁是原告？…‘我是。”、那个人回答道。“那么谁是被告？”警察又问。“我是。”牧师一边回答一边喃喃自语道，“如果灾祸降临在我身上情况可能都好多了，”
The priest is now serving time at a penal plantation.
牧师现在正在劳改种植园里服刑。
Words:
pioneer n.开拓者,先驱,倡导者v.开辟,倡导
pioneering adj.开创性的
pious adj.(对宗教)虔诚的
pique vt.激起(好奇等),激怒
pit n. 坑,地坑,煤矿vt.使对抗,使相斗
pitch n.音高
pitcher n.大水罐,水壶
pivot n.枢轴,支点,(讨论的)中心点,重点
pivotal adj.枢轴的,关键的
placate v.安抚,平息愤怒
plagiarism n.剽窃,抄袭
plague n.瘟疫,灾祸vt.折磨,使苦恼
plain n.平原,草原adj.简单的,朴素的
plainspoken adj.直言不讳的
plaintiff n.原告
plank n.厚木板
plantation n.种植园
plasma n.血浆
plaster n. 灰泥,石膏vt.抹泥,涂
plate n.盘子,版图,大片平面,金银餐具
plateau n.高原
platelike adj.层状的
platform n.(车站)月台,平台
platitude n.陈词滥调
platitudinous adj.陈词滥调的,陈腐的