social anxiety is the single most common psychological problem. According to the 1986 results of the Stanford Syhness Inventory, a survey conducted by Philip G. Zimbardo, professor of social psychology at Stanford University in California. At a party with strangers, for instance, three-quarters of adults feel anxiety. “the best estimate is that 40 percent of all Americans suffer from shyness,” says Zimbardo.
在社交场合心情焦虑是一个最常见的心理问题，这是根据斯坦福羞怯心理研究会１９８６年的研究成果作出的结论，这项调查研究是加利福尼亚州斯坦福大学社会心理学教授菲利普。G。津巴尔多搞的。例如在生人聚会中，３/4的成年人都会感到焦虑。津巴尔多说：“估计有多达４０％的美国人受这种羞怯心理的折磨”。
how can you avoid being nervous when you meet people? Prepare. Preparation for any communicating situation is a must. You’ve been invited to a big dinner party in two weeks. You know that one of the other guests is a politician. Scan the newspapers and magazines; listen to newscasts for topics of conversation in political areas. Then, at the party, pretend you’re an interviewer on talk show. Think of question to ask that can’t be answered yes or no. “ in your opinion, who… “ “what do you think of… “ keep the momentum going.
在与他人相见时怎样避免紧张害怕的心理呢？要预先做好准备。不论是什么样的交际场合，准备都是必须的。有人邀请你两周后参加一次大型晚宴，你知道其他客人中有一们政治家，你要浏览各种报纸杂志，听政治方面的专题谈话新闻广播。这样在聚会时，假装自己是谈话节目中的记者，想好要问的不能用“是”或“不是”来回答的问题。“在您看来，谁。。。。”“您怎么看。。。”，使这种谈话充满活力。
whether you’re delivering a speech, approaching your boss for a raise or an important social occasion, do you homework. The most polished, smoothly delivered, spontaneous-sounding talks are the result of many hours of work. The memorable one-lines and moving phrases that go down in history don’t come from last-minute bursts of inspiration.
不论你要发表一篇讲话，还是找你的老板要求加薪，或是出席一次重要的社交活动，你都要预先做准备。表达最为完美流畅、声音自然纯正的谈话是好多小时准备工作的结果。表达最为完美流畅、声音自然纯正的谈话是好多小时准备工作的结果。灵感的最后一刻的爆发产生不出历史上留传下来并留在人们心中的华章绝句。
If you’re making a presentation of any sort. Begin preparing as far ahead of time as possible. “good writing,” say Harvard university historian Richard Marius, “is a kind of wrestling with though” . begin the wrestling match early. Two days before your presentation is usually too late to go into the ring and come up with a winning idea.
无论你要做什么样的谈话，要心理早开始准备。哈佛大学历史学家理查德。马里阿斯说：“写作是一项煞费苦心、绞尽脑汁的工作，要早开始这项工作。两天前才开始准备你的讲话通常就太晚了，就无法参加竞赛并想出获胜方案。
“To communicate,” says New York Times Columist William Safire, “put your thoughts in order, give them a purpose; use them to persuade, to instruct, to discover, to seduce.”
《纽约时报》专栏作者威廉姆。萨菲 说：“为了交流，要整理你的各种想法，使之条理化，给这些想法一个宗旨，用这些想法去说服，指导、发现、诱导别人。“
prepare yourself as well as your material, giving special attention to your voice. A shrill, nasal tone strikes your listener like chalk screeching on a blackboard. By putting energy and resonance into your voice, your will have a positive effect. If your voice is timid or quivers with nervousness. You sense it, the audience hears it, and you see discomfort in their eyes. With energy and enthusiasm in your voice, the listeners say ahhh, tell me more. You read approval.
不光材料要准备好，你自己也要准备好，要特别注意你的声音。一起尖叫、一个鼻音会给你的听众留下像粉笔不好使时在黑板上发出的尖锐刺耳的声音那样的印象。通过把活力和悦耳的声调纳入到你的声音中，你就能获得良好的效果。如果你的声音有怯意或因紧张害怕而颤动，你能感觉到它，听众也听到了它，而你也能看见他们不舒服的眼神。如果你的声音中充满了活力和激情，听众会发出啊啊的欢呼声，让你再多讲点，你会感一以你得到了赞许。
like your voice, your appearance is a communications tool. For example, if you are animated, you are more likely to see animated listeners. You give the audience the message; I’m glad I’m here; I’m glad you’re here.
和声音一样，你的外表也是一种交际工俱。比如说你生机勃勃，那么你就更有可能看见生机勃勃的听众，你传给了听众这样的信息：“我在这里很高兴，你们在这里我很高兴“。
your approach can, in fact, be a powerful weapon for deflecting hostility-from an audience, an interviewer, an employer. A benevolent aspect says I understand and conveys good will and positive expectations. It works.
事实上，你的方法能成为一种强大的武器，能够改变听众、记者或你的老板的不友善情绪。一个善意的表情会表示出我理解，并转达出你的善意的和积极的企盼，这样做奏效。
however, don’t ever assume that an audience, an interviewer, your boss will be sympatheric. Always be prepared for a grilling. Think beforehand of the ten toughest question you could get and ready with your answers. And remember, when you’re asked a hostile question, never show hostility to your questioner. If you do, you lose.
但永远不要认为听众、记者或你的会同情你，对严厉的盘问要有准备，事先想好可能会被 问到的十个最严厉的问题并准备好答案。还要记住，当你听到不友好的问题时不能对问话人表现出敌意，否则你就失败了。
while the hostile questioner is talking, prepare your response. Take a positive tack immediately, and make your answers short. The instant the interviewer finishes the question, begin the answer; first point, second point, third point… bingo, your conclusion. It’s like shooting a basket. Keep your eyes on the basket, and bounce, bounce, shoot to your conclusion.
在不友好的问话人正在说话时，你要准备回答，马上一种积极的方针，使你的回答言简意赅，记者话音一落就立即回答：第一点，第二点，第三点。。。。瞧！再加上结论。这就像投篮一样，眼睛盯在篮框，左腾右跃，最后把球（结论）投进。
the way your listen gives messages about you to . listen with interest, focusing your eyes on the speaker. If he or she is sitting next toward the person, angle your body slightly in the chair so that your’re turned toward the person. Animate your face with approval. It says, I’m with you, I’m interested in what you’re saying.
你听别人问话的方式也能传达出你的信息。要饶有兴趣地听，眼睛看着说话人。如果他或她坐在说话人的旁边，你的身体在座椅上则要稍徽转向说话人。你的脸上要充满生气，带着赞许的表情。这样的脸神表达出“我和你在一起，我对你说的话很感兴趣“的信息
once you’re prepared for a situation, you’re 50 percent of the way toward overcoming nervousness. The other 50 percent is the physical and mental control of nervousness; adjusting your attitude so you have confidence, and control of yourself and your audience
一旦你对某种场合做好了准备，你就有５０％的把握克服紧张害怕的情绪，另５０％就是全身心地去控制这种情绪。调整你的状态以便获得信心，控制你自己和你的听众。
I was in the theater for many years and always went to work with terrible stage fright-until I was in “ the king and I”. While waiting offstage one night, I saw Yul Brynner, the show’s star, pushing in a lunging position against a wall, it looked as thought he wanted to knock it down. “this helps me control my nervousness,” he explained.
我在舞台上演出多年，我总是带着一种可怕的舞台恐惧症去上班，这种情形到演出《国王与我》时有了改变，一天晚上，我正在后台等候，我看见该剧角尤尔。布赖纳以冲刺的架式去推一堵墙，看样子他好像是要把墙推倒。他解释说：“这样做能帮助我控制紧张害怕情绪
I tried it and, sure enough, freed myself from stage fright. Not only that, but pushing the wall seemed to give me a whole new kind of physical energy. Later I discovered that when you push against wall you contract the muscles that lie just below where your ribs begin to splay. I call this area the “vital triangle”.
我也尝试了这种方法，果然使我摆脱了舞台恐惧症。而且还不光如此，推墙仿佛给我全身都注入了全新的活力。后来我发现，当你推墙时，你就收缩了你肋骨开始伸展的下方的肌肉。我将这一区域称为“极其重要的三角区“。
To understand how these muscles work, try this; sit in a straight-backed chair and lean slightly forward. Put your palms together in front of you, your elbows pointing out the sides, your fingertips pointing upward, and push so that you feel pressure in the heels of your palms and under your arms.
要想弄清这些肌肉是怎么起作用的，试一试下面的办法：坐在一个直背靠椅上，身体微微前倾。双掌在前方合在一处，双肘向外侧探出，十指尖向上，之后向前推，这样你会感到掌根处和腋下有压力。
say ssssssssssssss. Like a hiss. As you’re exhaling the s, contract those muscles in the vital triangle as though you were rowing a boat pulling the oars back and up. The vital triangle should tighten. Relax the muscles at the end of your exhalation, then inhale gently.
口中 续说s，象嘶嘶声音。在你呼气说S时收缩那极其重要的三角区的肌肉，好像你在划一条船，全力去摇撸，这个极其重要的三角区应该绷紧。在呼气结束时放松肌肉，接着轻轻吸气。
you can also adjust your attitude to prevent nervousness. What you say to yourself sends a message to your audience. If you tell yourself you’re afraid, tha’s the message your listener receives. So select the attitude you want to communicate. Attitude adjusting is your mental suit of armor against nervousness. If you entertain only positive thoughts, you will be giving out these vibes; joy and ease, enthusiasm, sincerity and concern, and authority.
还可以调整自己的态度来防止紧张害怕情绪。你对自己说的话给你的听众传送去了信息。如果你跟自己说你害怕，这就是你的听众接到的信息，所以要选择好你想与人交流的态度。态度调整是你防止紧张害怕情绪的精神武器。如果你只抱有积极的观点，你就会传递出这些令人激动的情绪：欢乐、安宁、热情、真诚、关心与权威。
you have the power within you to become a forceful, persuasive, confident communicator. With these techniques, you will be able to ask for a raise, make a sale, deal with a family crisis, feel comfortable in social and business situations. Master the simple principles set out here and you will never be nervous again.
你本身即拥有一个有力量、有影响、有信心的交际者的能力。通过运用这些技巧，你就有能力去请求加薪、卖出货物、处理家庭危机并在社交和生意场上挥洒自如。掌握上述这些简单的原则，你就再也不会感到紧张害怕了。