a shy dreamer
our bedroom has no full-length mirror. there is one at the canteen entrance. i always cherish a secret desire to take a peep before it at myself in a beautiful new dress. however, each time when it comes to the fulfillment, i get seized with such an uneasiness that i literally stagger away—backing out at the critical moment.
shy i am, so helplessly!
at the root of it is my difference by which i have been enslaved since childhood. it embarrasses me at the mildest flattery, crushes my utmost efforts to say "no", and prevents me from asking my parents for one cent more than necessary. among other things, diffidence has wormed it way into my love piano.
at the age of 14, one sunday morning, i was woken up by a resounding hymn. tracing that call of god into a neighbouring church, i found myself inexorably attracted by the melody of a piano—something beyond the means of my parents. to make it worse, people say a pianist is supposed to have music in the blood, but i believe i had none from my engineer father and technician mother. for days on end, i kept thinking of nothing else. i had a dream.
it wasn't a dream after gold, which enticed some of my close friends to engage in business as a self-employed trader or a street pedlar. i was sometimes dazzled by their gold rings or elegant necklaces behind which, however, i seemed to catch sight of skeletons in their cupboards and was frightened away from the craze for fortune. out of despair, i retreated into seclusion, diffidence weighing heavy on me. i could do nothing but turn to my dream for comfort, for courage to aim high and wish for the impossible. i was convinced that before i could afford anything expensive(to me, it was a piano), i should climb up the academic ladder as high as possible.
for the next nine years i carefully smothered my hazy aspiration for music to keep aflame my quest for learning, especially in english studies. my efforts were so rewarding that i went successfully through high school and college in my hometown. when i received the admission notice for a second degree course at a prestigious university in beijing, the national capital, tears welled up in my eyes. i knew my command of english was my asset, for i might make a deal with a pianist who would give me across to his piano in exchange for english lessons.
and that has come true!
to this day whenever i lay my fingers on the snowwhite keyboard, ready for a melody, i still feel shy. i am quite aware of my limited music talent, but as a shy dreamer i have found my way to success—making every effort to turn a dream into reality.