世间什么东西最难理解？恐怕是女人的心思。她为什么离开他？她去了哪里？她是个什么样的人?她到底为什么不接受他的表白？谜语太多，可怜的迈克尔猜不出，只能回味往事……
Itwasfreezingcoldoutside,nopigeonsinsight.ButSarainsistedonanappointment.Theyhadtomeetbythebenchinthepark.Whenshesaidthis,shemeantthebenchwheretheyusuallysatandenjoyedthesuninsummer,talkingaboutnothingandeverything.Michaelnevercomplained,andhedidn’tcomplainaboutthethicksnow,orthefactthatthecoldwindblewsohardthathehardlycouldseeanythinginthebackground,andthelongjourneybackfromLondonstillmadehimabitfeebleanddizzy.Sarasaidtheyhadtomeet.TheyhadtomeetbythebenchatexactlysevenP.M.She’salwayspunctual.WhenMichaelarrived,Sarahadalreadybeenthere,likeaghost.
"Sara?"Michaelsaidasstrongwindsstartedandblewawaythesnow,exposingthecementbeneath.
Withcourtesy,shelookedupatMichaelandsmiled."Hi!"
"What’swrong?Yousaidyouwanttotalkaboutsomethinganditsoundedserious."
"Yeah,well...Ijustwanttotalktoyou."
Shecouldtalkbythephone,orinvitedhimovertoherapartment,oraskedtomeetinacafeteriaorsomewhere.Somewheremorecomfortableandwarmthanstandingintheankledeepsnowundertheblizzard(大风雪)inapark.
"Let’sgotoLizzie’s.It’swarmerthere.It’sminus10centigradeouthere,andI’msurewecouldhavesomecoffeeandpudding(布丁)rightnow",Michaelheldouthishand.UsuallyshewouldtakeitandtheywouldwalktoLizzie’s,whichwasnottoofar,andsittheretalkingwhenitwastoocoldtositinthepark.Butthistimeshejustshookherheadandstayedwhereshestood.
"Sara,it’sfreezingcoldhere.Wemightcatchfluorworsepneumonia.Let’sgobeforeIfrozeintoahuman-icicle(冰柱)andthenyouhavetodragmearound.Iamheavyyouknow",hesmiledtoher.
"Itwon’ttakelong",shesaidafterpausingalittlewhile.SomethingsuddenlymadeMichaelfeltthatthesnowstormishappeninginsidehim,stoppedhispulseandfrozenhisentireinnerorgans.
"Sara?"
Shewatchedhimlookingallconfusedandworriedandfeltsowarminside.Thisguywastheonlypersonsheshouldfacetoday.Shehadtodothis.Soonerorlatershehadtodothis.Sheknewthiswouldhurthimmorethanshewashurtbyit.Butthiswastheonlychance.Heronlychancetogetawayfromhim.Althoughsheknewsowelltherewasnowaytogetawayfromsomethinglikethat.Frompain.
Thewindgrewmorefiercely.Michaelbynowgrabbedherbyhershouldersandaskedherrepeatedlywhatwaswrongwithher.
Asifthecoldhasnumbedher.
"Doyourememberthefirsttimeweeversitinthisbenchtogether?"Sheasked.
"Yes.YouwalkedyourdogandsodidI.AndRusselandBiffmadefriendswitheachotherandsodidwe."
ActuallyMichaelhadseenherseveraltimesbefore.Hewasnewintheblock,justmovedinfromhisoldapartmentupnorth.HecametotheparkincompanywithBiffandwalkedthepeteveryafternoon,hopinghewouldmeetthegirlwithvivideyes.
Sarasmiled.Herbigeyeslookedsad.Michaelwasgettingfrustrated.
"DidIdosomethingtomakeyouupset?Didanyonedosomethingthatmadeyouupset?AreyouOK?What’swrong,Sara?Tellmeandletmehelpyou."
Howcouldshetellhimthetruth?ShejuststoodthereinthefreezingcoldandscaredMichaeltodeath.Somethingwaswrong.ShehadbeensocarefulnottoletMichaelknewtoomuch.Nottolethimwenttoodeepinsideherlifeandheart.Theysaidhewasallrightsoshecouldbefriendwithhim.Theyhadwarnedherthatshecouldnothaveanyattachmenttothisman.Bewareofthisman.Itwastoodangerous.Hewasinnocent.
"SoamI!"sheprotestedatthetime.Andshewaswrong,andshewasright.Sheknewtheywererighttoo.Shesaidtoherselfthatshecouldstopitanytimeshewantedto.Sheknewshewaswrongaboutthis.Whocanstoplove?
"IlikeLizzie’sapartment",shesaid,lookingdownherfeet.
"Thenlet’sgothere.Muchbettertherethanhere."
"Ican’t!"
Forseveralsilentsecondsshestareddeepintohiseyes,thewindowofhissoul,searchingforareasontohatethisman.Therewasnothingtherebutdeepworries.
"Youemittedlight,Michael",shewhispered.
"What?"
"Knowingyouisprobablythebestthingthatcouldhappentomeinthepastcoupleofyears.Orfortheyearstocome."
Suddenlyhisthroatwentdry.Theyneverofficiallydatedandheneverexactlytoldherhelovedher.Maybeshegottiredwithalloftheuncertainties.Womenexpectedtheirboyfriendstoverbalizetendernessallthetime.Thisseemedlikeagoodtime.Maybeheshouldtellherhelovesher.Andthenmaybeshewouldn’tleavehim.
"Sara,Iloveyou!"
Shelookedstartledtohisdeclaration.Michaelcouldswearshelookeddisappointed.Ormaybeangry?Itwasverycoldoutsideandthesnowblurred(使…变模糊)hisvision.Didshecry?Perhaps.Hehadtosayit.Ifitcouldmakeherstay,thenwhyinhellnot?
"Thankyou",thatwasallshesaidtoit.Hisheartsank.
Allplausibleoutcomeswentthroughhishead.WhatcouldIdotomakeherstay?ShouldIbeg?ShouldIgetonmykneesandbeghertostay?ShouldIcryinfrontofher?OhGod,please...
"Idon’texpectyoutounderstandanything,Michael.Ican’tevenaskyoutoforgivemeforwhathappened.I’msorry."
"No.No,Idon’tunderstand,andthat’swhyyouhavetoexplaintome.WhathappenedSara?Whatisgoingon?SomethinghappenedwhileI’maway,that’sforsure.DidIdosomethingwrong?TellmeandmaybeIcanmakeupforit."
Saratriedsohardnottocry.Atthecornershecouldseethewomanwearingablackcoatlookingatherwatch.ShewasstandingthereallthetimewhileSaratalkedtoMichael.Shehadgrownimpatient.
"Please,Michael",shewhisperedslowlyandhuggedthebewilderedman..Hisscent,hiswarmth,hisdeepvoicetonewhiletalkingtoSara,shewouldmissallofthem.
Michaelwasunsurehowtowraphisarmsroundherfrailfigure.Inside,hisheartwasstartingtobreaktopieces.Buthewouldnotgiveupjustyet.
Sheletgoofhimandstaredathimwithsomedeterminationinhereyes.
"IwantyoutoknowthatIdoloveyou.Ihopewewillgettomeetagain,Michael."
"Whereareyougoing?"
Shejustsmiledtohimandwalkedaway.SomethingjustpunchedMichaelrightonhischest.Hefeltlikeastonejusthithim.Theblowdidn’tinjurehimphysicallybutthedamagewasindescribable.Hestoodthereparalyzedforsomesecondsbeforehecouldmovehislegsandstartedchasingher.
"Sara!"
Sarakeptonwalkingtotheladyintheblackcoat.AwhitecarpulledbyandsheopenedthedoorforSara.
"Sara!Wait!"
Butshedidn’tlookback.Shegotinthecarandthecardroveaway.Therearofthecardisappearedfromhiseyesightinthedusk.
Sara’sapartmentwasalreadycleanedempty.Theydidn’tletherleaveanythingbehind.NotevenanoteforMichael.Nooneknewwhereshewent,orwhoshewas.Nobodyknewifshehadanyrelativeswhocouldtellwhereshewasgoingto,andnooneknewmorethanthatsheloveddogsandshewasaveryquietgirl.Sarajustdisappeared.AndonlyMichaelwascrazyonhissearchforclues.
Springcame,andBiffdemandedtobetakenforastrollontheparkoneafternoon.Passingthebench,Michaeldidn’tstop.Ayoungcouplehadoccupiedthebenchnow,talkingwithtinsofcoffeeintheirhands.MichaelthoughtitwouldbenicetostopatLizzie’sforsomecoffeeandcherishtheolddaysbeforegoinghome.
注释:
pigeon
appointmentpoint
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ghost
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north
vividlive
frustrate
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attachment
beware
verbalize
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startle
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swear
inhellhole
plausible
outcome
impatient
hug
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frail
punch
stonestone
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chase
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eyesighteye
dusk
clue
stroll
occupy
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