Ice Fishing(E)
A boy wanted to go ice fishing,He'd read many books on the subjectand finally,after getting all the necessary tools togetherhe made for the nearest frozen lakeAfter positioning his stool,he used a drill to make a circular cut in the iceSuddenly,from the sky,a voice boomed,"There are no fish under the ice."Startled,the boy moved down to the opposite end of the iceand began to make another holeThe boy heard the same voice,"There are no fish under the ice."He stopped,looked skyward and asked,"Is that you,Lord?"The voice replied,"No.This is the ice-rink manager."
Turtles(M)
A police officer was driving his police car down a road next to beachwhen he noticed a woman knee deep in the water holding two things in her handsThe officer wasn't sure what they wereHe made his way down the sand to meet the woman standing in the waterAs he approached,he the two things were turtlesThe officer said to the woman,"It's illegal to be poaching for turtles,you know.""What are you talking about?"she was startled."These are my pet turtles.""Sure they are!"replied the policeman.
"No,I'm serious.I will throw them into the waves and call them back.
They will come back. "So the woman put the two turtles back into the oceanand stood there watching them"Where're the two turtles?I thought you said you could call them back,"chuckled the officer.
"Turtles?"replied teh woman,"What turles?"
At the Zoo(D)
A man responds to a job position at the city zooThe ad mentioned the salary but not what he would be doingThe zoo's gorilla had unexpectedly passed awayThe zoo had just spent millions on promotionswhich focused on the gorilla,and now they needed a gorilla.
The guy really needed the job,and the money was good,so he acceptedEveryday he would put on the gorilla suit,hang out in his cage and be the gorillaAfter a while he started enjoying himselfHe would scare little kids,roar at the crowds,and eat bananasAs time went on he became the main attraction at the zooHe would swing on his trees,and the people loved him.
One day,he was swinging around and accidentally swung over his fenceand landed in the tiger's denThe tiger slowly opened his eyes and saw the gorillaThe tiger slowly approached the gorillawho was backed up against the fenceThe tiger was ready to jump,and then the gorilla started yelling, "Help!Help!I'm not a gorilla.
I'm a man!Help!Help! "Then the tiger said,"Shut up,stupid,or we'll both get fired!"