this article was inspired by a book i read called “no more mr. nice guy” by danny glover.
it seems american society is being flooded with nice guys. every women reading this article knows exactly what a nice guy is. there’s no need to pull out websters here. in addition to that, every woman reading this knows at least one nice guy in her social circle.
for the men reading this, chances are if you are an american male, you have a very strong possibility of being a nice guy. here’s the litmus test you can use in order to determine if you are one.
do you constantly seek approval from women?
do you try to “buy” love from women with fancy dinners and gifts?
do women that you like tell you you’re like a brother to them? (that’s the kiss of death btw)
when you ask women out, do they reply “let’s just be friends.”?
do you think it’s bad to be male?
if you find yourself nodding along to these questions, i’m sorry to be the one to point out to you that you are a 100% certified grade a nice guy with all the trimmings, but don’t despair, there is hope.
a lot of theories have been tossed around regarding why women don’t go for the nice guys.
“they’re not a challenge.”
“they’re too boring.”
“there’s no excitement.”
“they’re too easy to get.”
“they’re pushovers.”
these to me, are the superficial reasons why women don’t go for nice guys. we need to dig a bit deeper.
what’s the root reason why nice guys can’t get the girls?
in my opinion, there are actually two root reasons.
1. they don’t embrace their masculinity.
2. they put women on a pedestal.
1. they don’t embrace their masculinity.
the book i mentioned lists several reasons as to why men of this generation have become nice guys. one reason that really struck me was radical feminism. glover stated that radical feminism led to a social climate that was extremely hostile toward men.
“all men are pigs.”
“men are the cause of all the problems in the world.”
“men are rapists.”
“all men are good for nothing animals who treat women like pieces of meat.”
therefore, boys concluded that women did not like men, so they strived to hide their masculinity. after all, men were pigs right? and women don’t like that right? so don’t be a man, and you won’t be a pig and women will like that right? twisted reasoning indeed.
the result?
women all over america becoming extremely frustrated with the lack of real men today. radical feminism has tasted the fruits of its labor and it is very bitter.
don’t mess with nature. if you’re male, be male. if you’re female, be female. don’t hide it. embrace it.
get the notion of “it’s bad to be male” out of your head right this second.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with being male.
just like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being female, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being male.
embrace your masculinity. do not be ashamed of it.
2. they put women on a pedestal.
the book also states that because of a shift from an agrarian to a manufacturing society in america, as well as several wars in between, boys were left without fathers at home.
furthermore, the educational system was primarily comprised of females.
with the absence of male influence at home and at school, boys were conditioned to look to women for definition and approval. this habit carries on to adulthood in the form of guys seeking approval from women.
nice guys see women they like and automatically put them on a pedestal, wondering what they can do to gain their approval. maybe write them a 10 page love letter, or make them a mix tape, or shower them with expensive gifts, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval and win her love.
they do all this in the beginning of a relationship, hence having the quality of “coming on too strong, being too eager and not being enough of a challenge.” by doing these things from the very beginning, men silently imply that they are not good enough and must resort to other tactics to deem themselves worthy of women.
nice guys see women and think, “man, i have to do something in order to get that girl. they’re way up there and i’m way down here so i have to compensate somehow”.
as a result, nice guys spend their every waking moment, dreaming of how they can get the girl. they spend all their free time around the girl, going shopping with her, listening to all her complaints, sympathizing with the problems she is having with her boyfriend, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval in hopes that one day she will come racing into his arms.
women are human. they eat, breath, sleep, and go to the bathroom on a regular basis just like the rest of us. women are not goddesses. they have the same insecurities (if not more) as you and i. there’s nothing different about them. they’re human.
don’t think that you have to gain approval from them.
all right, so how can you stop being a nice guy?
don’t be afraid to be male. embrace your masculinity.
but what does it mean to embrace your masculinity? what does it mean to be male?
let’s break down attraction to the most basic elements.
male and female.
males are attracted to females.
females are attracted to males.
biologically speaking, what makes somebody male?
testosterone.
biologically speaking, what makes somebody female?
estrogen.
testosterone is attracted to estrogen.
estrogen is attracted to testosterone.
ever wonder why the jocks got the girls in high school? they worked out and played in competitive sports; two things conducive to promoting testosterone in the body.
ever wonder why “bad boys” and criminals get the women? they’re risk takers. they pay no attention to law. they’re reckless and dangerous. again, symptoms of high testosterone.
research has linked high testosterone to criminal behavior.
research has linked competition and weight lifting to high testosterone as well.
testosterone: hormone of the gods?
women are attracted to the jocks and bad boys simply because they are male in the sense that they have high testosterone.
is the flip side true? are men attracted to beautiful women simply because they are women in the sense that they have high estrogen?
yes, studies have shown that men are attracted to women with high estrogen levels as well.
feminine beauty linked to estrogen levels
a beautiful combination: researchers link estrogen to looks
hormone levels predict attractiveness of women
(btw, you will find women use make up as well in order to give the illusion of the physical characteristics of high estrogen in order to attract males)
there’s a deeper science that goes into this about how high levels of testosterone and estrogen reflect underlying health and fertility, but i won’t get into that.
strictly speaking in biological terms, testosterone makes the man and estrogen makes the women.
is this surprising? no.
drill down to the basics.
i am male, she is female.
act accordingly and attraction will not be a problem.
now, am i advocating that you go and inject yourself with 500 liters of testosterone? absolutely not. injecting yourself with synthetic testosterone shuts down your body’s ability to produce it naturally.
i am advocating however, that you engage in activities that will raise your testosterone levels.
lifting heavy weights on a consistent basis coupled with proper nutrition and rest will raise levels of testosterone in the body. when you lift heavy weights, you literally create little tears in your muscle tissues. testosterone, an anabolic hormone responsible for muscle growth among many other things, is produced by the body in order to rebuild the muscle to resist against future weight.
so instead of sitting on your butt playing world of warcraft, playstation, or x box, get out there and pick up the weights.
you will find that by building your testosterone, your demeanor toward women and theirs toward you will change. when you lock eyes with a beautiful women, you won’t immediately shift your eyes to the ground and be embarrassed. you’ll lock eye contact with her and be comfortable about it. she will be the one who looks away.
you will find that women will start paying more attention to you. it’s as if they’re equipped with incredibly sensitive receptors to testosterone. (studies have shown that women are capable of identifying individuals with high testosterone simply by smelling sweaty t-shirts)
try a regimen of weightlifting and compare your attitude and results with the opposite sex after a short period of time. you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
if you want more information on building muscle as well as losing fat, two things that are conducive to increasing testosterone in the body, check out tom venuto’s book burn the fat, feed the muscle.
and don’t become so obsessed with testosterone that you start letting it control you, in terms of your behavior and attitude. then you’ll turn into the jerk or the criminal.
the key is to have testosterone and control it. don’t let it control you.
just be true to your nature.
to illustrate my point even further, imagine a woman with a thick beard, mustache and a deep voice hitting on you at the bar. you would be repulsed right? of course you would! this woman is not embracing her true nature as a female.
women are a million times more repulsed because nice guys do exactly the same thing. they don’t embrace their true nature as a male.
if you’re male, be male. if you’re female, be female and let nature take its course.
you don’t need the memorize pick up lines. you don’t need to psych yourself up to meet women. you don’t need to make a ton of money. you don’t need to have a great job. you don’t need the bmw.
you just need to be male. everything you need is already inside of you.
use it.
don’t make women the focal point of your life.
nice guys revolve their entire lives around the women. nice guys spend all their time dreaming of all the future possibilities with her. they do all this from the get go. what must i do to get her? i’ll write her poetry. i’ll take her out to the most expensive restaurant and show her how wealthy i am. i’ll buy her favorite pair of shoes that she mentioned in a conversation nine years ago. they’ll drop whatever they are doing at a drop of a dime and be at their beck and call 24/7.
all acts reeking of extreme desperation.
what’s the solution? is it to try not to act desperate?
these are when the “rules of dating” come into play. call her three days later, act aloof, be a challenge. that’s all utter garbage. that’s all smoke and mirrors.
don’t try to fake not being desperate by following these “rules”. just don’t be desperate naturally. how?
don’t make women the focal point in your life. have something else going for you. have a worthy goal or dream you are pursuing that is of higher priority than women.
have a dream. have a goal and work toward it. women will not seem that intimidating anymore. you won’t spend all your time with her. you won’t become “too easy” or “boring” because you’ve got something else going for you.
instead of using all your time, money, and energy pursing women, use all that to accomplish your own goals. napoleon hill refers to this as sexual transmutation. channel all that energy into fulfilling your own goals and you will find yourself unstoppable. go on your own program of self improvement.
nice guys place their worthiness and happiness on getting the girl. instead of doing that, make your own life happy and worthwhile by pursuing your own goals and ambitions. then, she’ll be the one asking, “what can i do to get him?”
so nice guys, don’t feel so bad. society is structured to easily make nice guys of any male but the key is not to blame society and if you’re a frusterated nice guy, the key is not to blame women in general. it’s just to become aware that the common factor is you and that you change by embracing your right to be male.
embrace your masculinity, take women off the pedestal, and don’t make women the focus of your life. harness all that time, money, and energy and apply it toward realizing your own goals and dreams and the nice guy within will never appear ever again.
读丹尼·格洛弗的书《别再做好男人先生》，有感，遂作此文。
美国社会似乎正在被好男人们所充斥。读此文的每个女人都知道好男人的确切意思，而无需翻出韦氏字典。而且，读本文的每个女人都能在她的社交圈中找到至少一个好男人。
对于阅读此文的男人，你若碰巧是美国男人，那么你就有很大可能会成为一个好男人。你可以用下面的测试来确定一下你是否是个好男人。
你常常寻求女人的认同吗？
你试着用丰盛的晚餐和礼物从女人那儿“收买”爱情吗？
你所钟爱的女人对你说你就像她的哥哥一样吗？（顺便提一下，此乃死亡之吻）
当你约女人出去，她们是不是回应说“让我们只做朋友”？
你认为做男人很不好吗？
对于上述问题，如果你全部答是，那么我会很遗憾地告诉你，你是个百分之百经过等级认证的好男人。不过，不要绝望，还有一线希望。
有很多理论都反复阐明为什么女人不去追求好男人：
“他们没有挑战性。”
“他们太乏味了。”
“看不到让人兴奋的东西。”
“他们太容易搞到手了。”
“他们只是小菜一碟。”
可在我看来，这些却只是女人不追好男人的表面原因。我们需要深层次地挖掘以下。
什么才是好男人追不到女孩的根本原因？
依我愚见，实际上存在两个根本原因。
1. 他们没有男子气概。
2. 他们把女人当作偶像来崇拜。
1. 他们没有男子气概。
我提到的那本书列举了一些原因来解释为什么这一代的男人都变成了好男人。其中一个让我印象深刻的原因是激进的女权主义。格洛弗说，激进的女权主义导致了一种极端敌视男人的社会氛围。
“男人是猪。”
“男人是世上一切问题的根源。”
“男人是强奸犯。”
“男人是一无是处的动物，他们视女人如一块肉罢了。”
因此，男孩子们总结出女人不喜欢男人，于是他们便极力隐藏他们的男子气概。毕竟，男人是猪，对吗？女人不喜欢那样，对吗？因此不要做个男人，这样你就不会成为一头猪，女人也就会喜欢你了，对吗？这真是个歪理。
结果怎样呢？
在缺乏真正男人的今天，全美国的女性都感到极端的失落。激进的女权主义已经尝到其自酿的果实，但却是非常苦的苦果。
不要和自然作对。如果你是男性，就做出男性的样子。如果你是女性，就做出女性的样子。不要隐藏这种天性，而要去保持这种天性。
此刻请把你脑中“做男人不好”的想法剔除出去。
做男性绝对没有什么不好的。
正如做女性没有什么不好的，做男性绝对没什么不好。
保持你的男子气概，别觉得这有什么不光彩的。
2. 他们当女人当作偶像来崇拜。
那本书还提到，由于美国由农耕业向制造业社会的转移，以及其间的几次战争，男孩子们在没有父亲的家中成长。
进而，教育系统主要由女性构成。
由于家中和学校里缺少男性的影响，男孩子们只得去向女性寻求认定和认同。这种习惯一直延续到成人期，表现在男人寻求女人的认同。
好男人看到他们喜欢的女人，就自动把她们当作偶像来崇拜，冥想着自己能为她们做些什么以赢得她们的认同。可能给她们写十页纸的情书，或者为她们制作歌曲联唱磁带，或者不断地送她们贵重礼物——所有这些都是为了取得她们的认同和赢得她们的爱，却都是徒劳之举。
他们在开始一段关系时就做着上述所有的事情，因此他们的特点是：“进行得太强烈，表现得太热切，但却不具足够的挑战性”如果最一开始就做这些事情，那么就等于是在暗示，他们不够优秀，所以才不得不诉诸于其他手段让女人认为他们有价值。
好男人看到女人，便想：“要得到那个女孩，我得做些什么。她们是那么高不可攀，而我则如此低下卑微，所以我必须要做某些补救的事情。”
结果，好男人空将大好时光，尽付于如何得到女孩的空想中。他们把自己全部的闲暇时间都花在女孩身上：陪她们购物，倾听她们诉苦，当她与男友有矛盾时安慰她——所有这些都是为了取得她们的认同，并幻想着最有一天她会投怀送抱的，但却都是徒劳之举。
女人也是人。她们吃饭，呼吸，睡觉，定时如厕——就跟我们一样。女人不是神。和你我一样，她们具有同样（也许更多）的不安全感。 她们没什么不同。她们是人。
不要认为你必须要取得她们的认同。
好了，那么你怎样才能不去表现为一个好男人呢？
不要害怕做个男人，要展现你的男子气概。
但展现你的男子气概究竟是什么意思？做个男人又是什么意思呢？
让我们把吸引力分解成最基本的几个要素。
男人和女人。
男人被女人吸引。
女人被男人吸引。
从生物角度上讲，是什么让一个人成为男人？
睾丸激素。
从生物角度上讲，是什么让一个人成为女人？
雌激素。
睾丸激素被雌激素吸引。
雌激素被睾丸激素吸引。
你曾疑惑过为什么高中的运动猛男们会搞到女生吗？因为他们锻炼，并且参与竞技体育：这两样东西有助于提高体内的睾丸激素水平。
你曾疑惑过为什么“坏小子”和罪犯们能泡到马子？因为他们是亡命之徒。他们无视法律。他们什么都不在乎，而且危险。再一次，这又是高睾丸激素水平的征兆。
研究表明高睾丸激素水平与犯罪行为之间有联系。
研究也表明竞技和举重与高睾丸激素水平之间有联系。
睾丸激素：众神的荷尔蒙？
运动员和坏小子吸引女人只是因为他们是男人——这里的意义是他们拥有较高的睾丸激素水平。
翻过来也是这样吗？美女吸引男人只是因为她们是女人——这里的意义是他们拥有较高的雌激素水平。
的确如此，研究显示，高含雌激素的女人同样也吸引着男人。
女性之美与雌激素水平相关
美丽的组合：研究人员发现雌激素与外貌之间有联系
h荷尔蒙水平表明了女人的吸引度
（附带提一下，女人也通过打扮来营造高含雌激素的生理特征，从而吸引男人。）
关于睾丸激素和雌激素水平是如何反映出健康与活力的，已有更深奥的科学进行阐述，在此我不打算深入探讨下去。
按生物学术语严格说来，睾丸激素造就了男人，雌激素造就了女人。
这让人意外吗？不。
继续往下发掘基础的东西。
我是男性，她是女性。
只要正确地行动，制造吸引力就不成问题。
那么，我会教唆你去给自己注射500升的睾丸激素吗？当然不会。给自己注射合成的睾丸激素会导致你的身体丧失自然生成睾丸激素的能力。
不过，我鼓励你去参与各项运动以提升你的高娃激素水平。
坚持不懈的负重锻炼，再配合正确的营养搭配与休息，就能提高身体的睾丸激素水平。当你在负重时，你的肌肉组织就会实实在在地产生出很小的破裂。睾丸激素，这种同样也负责肌肉生长的合成代谢荷尔蒙，就会在体内合成出来，用于重建肌肉以抗拒日后的负重。
因此，不要不动屁股地坐在那里玩飞机世界大战，playstation，或是x box，该去什么地方去什么地方，拿起杠铃吧。
你会发现，通过塑造你的肌肉，你女人的态度以及她们对你的态度都会发生变化。当你凝视一位美女时，你不会马上将你的目光移向地面，并感到不好意思。而会将眼神锁定她，且能对此泰然自若。她反而会成为移开目光的那个人。
你会发觉女人会开始去注意你，就好象她们身上装了睾丸激素感应器一样。（有研究表明，女人只要闻一闻带汗的t恤就能够分辨出具有高睾丸激素的个体）
试着有规律性地做些负重训练，然后经过一段时间比较一下你对异性的态度和效果变化。你会感到惊喜的。
要是你想知道塑造肌肉和减肥的更多信息。有两件事能有益于增加体内的睾丸激素，请参看tom venuto的书《燃脂养肌》。
不要对睾丸激素过于迷信，以至于你开始让它来控制你的行为与态度。否则你将会变成蠢夫或禽兽。
关键在于，要拥有并控制它，而非受制于它。
只要真实地展现本性。
为了更进一步阐明我的观点，想象一下，有一个女人，蓄着浓密的山羊胡和小胡子，声音很粗，正在酒吧里对你打情骂俏。你应该会被雷到，对吧？肯定的！这个女人没有她作为女性的本性了。
女人则百万倍地被雷到，因为好男人都做完全一模一样的事情。他们不具有作为男性的真实本性。
你若是男人，就做个男人；你若是女人，就做个女人。让本性自司其职。
你不需要死记泡妞信条；你不需要让自己做好心理准备去渔猎女人；你不需要腰缠万贯；你不需要有份很好的工作；你不需要奔驰宝马。
你只需要做个男人。你所需要的就已经在你体内了。
使用它吧。
勿要把女人作为你的生活焦点。
好男人把全部生活都用来围绕在女人身边团团转。好男人将所有时间都用来憧憬着将来与她厮守的所有可能性。他们从最一开始就完全这么做。我必须做些什么才能得到她？我会为她写诗；我会带她去做贵的餐馆，以显示我是多么的富有；我会买她在九年前一次谈话中提到的那双她喜欢的鞋。他们会为了她们那点鸡毛蒜皮的小事而放下自己的事情，对她们唯命是从。
这一切都表现出极端绝望的意味。
有何解决之道？ 办法会是试着不要表现出绝望吗？
这些就是所谓的“约会规则”的用武之地：三天后再打电话给她，欲擒故纵，形成挑战。这样全是垃圾方法，全都是在自欺欺人。
不要试着使用上述“规则”来假装不绝望。你只要自然而然地不绝望就行。怎样才能做到呢？
不要把女人当成你的生活焦点。让自己拥有其他一些东西。拥有一个有价值的目标或梦想去追求，其优先性要高于女人。
拥有梦想。拥有目标然后朝着它努力。女人看起来就不会再那样令人生畏了。你不会把全部心思都放在她身上了。你不会变得“太容易搞定”或“索然无味”了，因为你自有其他东西了。
不要把你的全部时间，金钱和精力都放在追女人上，而把它们用于实现你自己的目标。拿破仑·希尔将之称作性转变。将那种能量全部导入到实现你自身目标上来，你将会发现自己是不可阻挡的。请参见《自我改进计划》。
好男人把他们的价值与幸福放在追求女孩上面。别那么做，而要通过追求自己的目标和野心来让自己活着幸福和有价值。这样，她就会变成那个问的人：“我该做些什么才能得到他呢？”
因此，好男人们，不要过于悲观。虽然社会的构成使得任何男性很容易成为好男人，但如若你是一个垂头丧气的好男人的话，关键在于不要去埋怨社会，也不要去埋怨广大女性。只要开始意识到，一个共通的因素就是你自己，只要利用你做男人的权利就会改变你自己。
利用你的男性特征，把女人从雕像座上取下，别让女人成为你生活的焦点。驾驭你所有的时间，金钱和精力，用于实现你自己的目标和梦想，那么，你内在的好男人气就永不会再来。