women do a lot of silly things to try to impress men; i know this, because men do a lot of ridiculous things to impress women, too. it’s like the circle of life, only it ends with quiet sobbing into a pillow.
the elements of sexual attraction aren’t too complex. though, even accepted societal norms for picking up a guy often miss the mark because women overthink things. here’s a look at some of the most surefire ways that women think that they can impress a guy—and why they’ll fail miserably every time.
1. perfume.
no man i know minds when a woman smells like nothing—a simple stick of deodorant accomplishes this. women who slather on the perfume end up smelling like the front counter of macy’s, and it’s a bit of a turn-off. a spray or two there might be nice for a special occasion, but i can’t think of a situation where i’d ever think, man, she’s nice, but i’d like her better if she smelled like someone was pouring a stream of animal urine that vaguely smelled like flowers onto her head.
2. tanning.
tanned skin wasn’t seen as a necessary beauty treatment in american society until the last 20 years or so, with the exception of the taxidermy community. now, it’s reached a fairly feverish pitch. tanning salons are all over the place, waiting to help you turn your skin into a sort of orange, glowing monstrosity that looks like it was sprayed out of a can (and in some cases, it actually is). there are men out there who are impressed by a good tan, but they’re what the scientific community calls “pig-ignorant slimeballs.”
3. name brands.
you shouldn’t wear name brand clothes that cost more than they need to just because you want to impress men. if you’re trying to impress women, this sometimes works, but name brand items don’t do much for any man other than ralph lauren. and just to prove that men don’t know anything about brands, i just referenced ralph lauren. i have no idea if he makes good clothes. probably not. but he’s the only designer i could name.
4. makeup.
makeup doesn’t do a lot for guys. in small doses it’s alright, but if i want to get eyeshadow all over my clothes, i’ll go see the cure in concert.
5. cosmetic surgery.
it almost sounds trite to say that cosmetic surgery is ugly and disgusting. everyone claims to hate it; yet, it’s still a thriving industry. the thing is, though, the cosmetic surgery industry caters to a specific kind of person—the type of person who wants to look fantastic at all costs. the industry isn’t set up for making people beautiful. it’s set up to make people think they look beautiful. and if the results were fantastic, well, then all’s fair in love and war. ultimately, breast augmentation, fat reduction, botox treatments ... all of this looks terrible to men, women, small children and animals. plastic surgery may eventually provide a way for people to cheat themselves into looking younger, but right now it’s more lip service than anything else, pardon the pun.
what futile attempts to impress men do women make? post in the comments section below.
女性总会做一些傻傻的事试图去吸引心仪的男性;我理解这点，就像男性也会做出某些离谱举动去博得对方青睐一样。而对于一成不变的生活，最终的结果都是白费力气，问题到底出在哪？
异性相吸并不复杂。不过，已被大众广为采纳的沟仔方式却经常不中靶心，那是因为女人错误地估计了它们产生的影响。这里我们来看看下列女性朋友们认为肯定会吸引到异性而又并不奏效的方法。
1.香水味
如果这个女人闻起来既不香也不臭，没什么特别的味道时，我相信我认识的男性朋友里没有人会介意--你要是担心自己的汗味或其它不好闻的味道的话，简单地使用的去味剂就可以解决这个问题。问题就是总有些女性会在身上喷上一层又一层的香水，这浓烈的香味会使她们闻起来像梅西百货里的售货小姐，那多少让人有些失去兴致。某些特殊的场合喷一两下可能会起到美妙的效果。不过如果在这种时候你想遮掩味道而狂喷香水我看只能起反作用了--哦！，她真不错，但是我会更喜欢她身上有两种味道混合在一起的时候--像被动物尿液淋到的气味混合着头发上的花香味。
2. 古铜色的皮肤
这20年以来，人们不知何故爱上了棕色皮肤，它被视为美国社会人人必备的美容治疗，标本制作者例外。（还是没找到什么叫标本制作）现在，人们更是乐此不疲。各地滋生了专门做日光浴的美容院，你可以坐在屋子里看她们是如何把你皮肤变成带点橙色的，像发着光的小怪物，看起来好像是从哪个实验室的瓶子里逃出来的（可以说这种美容术的操作确实是在一间小屋内进行的）。有些男人对棕褐色皮肤确实很迷恋，但这些女人却被理性思考者称作“无知的可怜虫。”
3. 名牌的使用
不要为了取悦男人就在他们面前穿戴名牌服饰，他们不看重这个。如果你是为了刺激其它女性，这招的确奏效。衣服的品牌名称对男人没有意义。为了证明男人对品牌根本没有概念，我在这提下ralph lauren的名字。我不知道如果他能做什么样的好衣服，也可能没什么大不了。但他是我能叫出名来唯一的服装设计师。
4. 化妆
化妆对男人也没有意味着更多东西，淡妆就行了。如果我想在夹克上沾满女人的眼影，还是去听怪人合唱团的音乐会好了。
5. 整容手术
整容手术是非常恶心令人厌恶的，这样的说法几乎是老生常谈，每个人都说不喜欢它。然而，它仍然是一个兴旺的产业，关键是整容业迎合的是特定人群的需要--该类人愿意不惜一切代价使自己看上去漂亮或帅气。整容业不能使人们变得更美，它只是使人们认为他们看起来美丽动人。如果整出来的效果很棒，那么好了，在爱与竞争中相关的一切都可以获得公平对待了。不过最终，隆胸，减肥，肉毒杆菌毒素治疗...这一切对男人，女人，儿童还是小动物来说都很可怕。整形外科所能提供的只是使人变得年轻的谎言，现在它应该更多地提供嘴唇整形服务，请原谅我的冷笑话。