i really like you. i do. you're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. but, well, i don't really see a relationship in our future. it would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where i get everything i want and you get nothing you want. don't you think?
i knew you would understand. you always do.
we're so perfect as friends, you know? i can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly i feel. you wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? of course not. well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup i've got going here.
it's just…you're like my best friend, and i would hate for something you desperately want to change that. i mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? how could we ever go back to the way we were, where i take advantage of your clear attraction to me so i can have someone at my beck and call? that part of our friendship means so much to me.
no. we are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when i don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
anything can happen once you bring romance in. think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? the guy i'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? the guy i met at the birthday party you threw me? i had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. god, i would die if something like that happened to us.
plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? i've known you so long, you're more like a brother that i've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. it'd be way too weird. and if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when i've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "i've seen her breasts." god, i can't think of anything more awkward that that.
oh, before i forget, my mom says hi.
anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. i'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. if i was your girlfriend, i would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys i date and pretend i don't see how much it crushes you. let's never lose that. that's what makes us us.
don't worry. you're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. you'll find someone, i know it. and when you do, i'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. but when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
best friends. friends forever.
我真的很喜欢你，真的。你人那么好，又帖心，总愿意倾听我的一切问题并给我最合适的鼓励。但是，好吧，老实说，我不认为我们之间能在感情上有什么未来。为什么要让“恋爱”毁掉这份我永远得偿所愿、而你永远一无所得的友谊呢？你说对不对？
我知道你会理解的，因为你总是这么善解人意。
你看，我们这段友谊多么完美啊——我能对你无所保留地诉说一切，而你也能在任何时候都来找我、听我抱怨生活和工作中一切的不顺心。你应该不会冒着失去这份友情的危险，来试着当我的男朋友、让我哪怕一次也好地用渴望眷恋的眼神注视着你吧？当然不会。你看，假如我们开始交往，这目前对我而言完美的关系不就会受到影响了吗？
怎么说呢……你就像是我最好的朋友，而我绝不愿意看到你为了自己的梦想而改变这一点——你看，我们或许可以出去约几次会、来上那么几下，那你这六年来所深陷的这片柏拉图式爱情的梦魇，也多少能有一点点回报——可然后呢？如果我们真的谈了，还怎么可能回到现在这样、我能利用你的好感对你意气指示、呼之即来、挥之即去呢？我们友谊中的这一层关系，对我而言真的太重要了。
不。是天意要让我们成为这么好这么好的朋友——虽然只在我没有男朋友但仍然需要有男人关心的时候我才肯和你待在一起，以满足我那贪得无厌的脆弱心灵。
而爱情，爱情会把一切变得复杂。记不记得我的上一段感情结束得有多糟糕？就是那个不肯回我短信、结果我凌晨三点把你吵醒打电话向你哭诉的男人？那个在你为我精心准备的生日聚会上和我认识的家伙？我和他如胶似漆、地动山摇了四个多月，可现在连对方的脸都不想看到——天哪，假如我们变成那种关系，那还不如死了算了。
而且，呃——你能想象我们彼此赤身相对的样子吗？我认识你那么那么久了，我对你就像是对着个曾经在喝醉时不小心亲密接触了下的哥哥一样，那种难堪的事谁愿提起？我们真的在一起的话该多奇怪啊——以后每次你来陪我逛街买东西、来看我表演或者主持慈善活动、或者是在我心情不好时带我去吃冰淇淋的时候，你看我的眼神都会变成“呀，下面的我都看过”那样。天哪，还能有比这更尴尬的情形么？
哦对了，我妈让我跟你打个招呼~
而且吧，你肯定会讨厌我做你的女朋友的——我会作天作地、而且黏你黏得越来越紧。何况要是我成了你的女朋友，就不能一天到晚跟你说我和哪些臭男人谈过恋爱、假装跟你说这些不会伤害你的心灵了。——我们之间千万不要失去这层关系呀，这是我们友谊的意义所在嘛。
别难过，像你这么好的男人，还既聪明又幽默，除了我之外任何女孩都会觉得和你在一起是种福气的。我相信你一定会找到适合你的人的——恩，而且等你找到了的时候，我一定会突然出现在你身边搔首弄姿、对你暧昧来暧昧去，让那个女生吃醋起疑、死也不相信你说我们只是普通朋友的关系。——而当她甩掉你的时候，我们就又能回到现在这种关系啦。
……要一辈子做最好的朋友哦！^^