we too often define "romantic" in women's terms - sending flowers and cards, saving mementos and putting them in a box or scrapbook, gushing over chick romance movies, or listening to romantic songs all day.
men may not do these things, but many men do something more romantic than all that: they keep their love in their hearts forever.
my survey of 3000 men and women worldwide who tried reunions with lost loves asked, "how long did it take for you to get over your lost love?" responses from the men indicated that they took significantly longer to get over their lost loves than the women. some of the men were not satisfied with the survey choices: the last choice listed was, "over 10 years." only men crossed out all the choices and wrote, "i never got over her!" while no doubt some women never got over their lost loves, either, only men wrote this comment on the survey.
adolescent boys are "not supposed" to cry over lost loves. but many of my male participants reported that, after their high school girlfriends broke up with them, they cried in private, every night, for months.
my lost love reunion findings about romantic men paralleled results of my survey of adults who never tried lost love reunions. there were significantly more men than women who chose to fill out the survey, and they expressed strong feelings for their first loves, even though they had not contacted these women (and may never do so).
posts on the message board of my web site, lostlovers.com, are more represented by women than men. but appearances are misleading. actually, there are more men who are members of my site than women. the men don't post as often as the women, but they are reading!
men more often sign up for private phone consultations to talk about their lost loves than women.
but it is a rare men's magazine that will print a story about love and romance. the editors tell me that they think men are uninterested. not so! when my research was quoted in playboy, it generated a lot of responses.
on occasions where romance is expected (such as valentine's day, birthdays or anniversaries), we should all remember to separate emotions from behaviors. men may not make scrapbooks of mementos of their love experiences, but they are every bit as loving, loyal, and yes, romantic, as women - and sometimes more so!
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我们通常用女性的方式定义“浪漫”——赠送鲜花和卡片，收集纪念品并且把它们放在小盒子里面或者做成剪贴板，对给少女看的浪漫电影喋喋不休，或者整天就在那儿听浪漫映月音乐。
男人们也许不会做这些事儿，但是他们做的事儿比这些更浪漫：他们将他们的爱人永远记在心里。
在我的调查中，我询问了3000全世界的男女，他们正在试图与他们失去的恋人破镜重圆，“你们需要多少时间从失恋中恢复过来？”男人们的回答表明，他们需要的时间比女性显著的要长。一些男人对我调查中的选项不满意：最多只有“超过十年”。只有男人划掉了所有的选项，然后写到，“我从来没有从她那儿恢复过来！”尽管一些女性也毫无疑问从未从他失去的爱人中恢复过来，但是，只有男人写下了这种评论。
青春期的小男生从未被认为会因为失去爱人而哭泣。但是许多男性受调查者报告说，当他们高中时期的女朋友和他们分手时，他们在私底下偷偷的哭泣，每一个夜晚，持续几个月。
我对于那些试图重归于好的浪漫男人的调查结果与我的另一项调查结果相符，在那项调查汇总，他们重未试图去与失去的爱人联系。选择填写这项调查的人中，男人比女人显著的要多，而且他们表达对他们第一个爱人深深的情感，及时他们未再和那些女人联系（也许永远也不会了）。
在我的网页lostlovers.com上，女性比男性更多的回帖。但是这只是表面现象。事实上，访问我的网站的男人比女人要多。男人们不经常回应，但是他们阅读！男人们更多的和我联系，就他们失去爱人一事向我获取私人电话咨询。
但是很少有男性杂志出版关于爱与浪漫的文章。编辑们告诉我他们认为男性不会对这感兴趣。但是，不是这样的！当我的研究被《花花公子》引用后，它产生了大量的回应！
在那些浪漫被认为是必须的时刻，比如情人节、生日或者纪念日，我们应该记住，我们应该将感情与行为相区分。男人们也许不会做那些展现他和恋人一起度过的日子的剪贴簿，但是他们和女人们一样的去爱，忠诚，是的，这就是浪漫——有时，他们甚至比女性更浪漫！