when you're dating a guy, you can forgive him for some indiscretions, but it's nearly impossible to turn the other cheek if he strays. well, cosmo did some investigating to ascertain the traits that may make men more likely to cheat, and some of our findings were surprising eye-openers.
but before you freak, realize that just because he possesses characteristics of a mangy scoundrel doesn't mean he's actually cheating on you. "you have to listen to your gut as well as read the clues," says gary aumiller, ph.d., a psychologist and coauthor of "red flags! how to know when you're dating a loser." run through this list of wandering-eye warning signs to see if your partner is predisposed to prowl... and find out how you can deal.
cheat predictor #1
was he spoiled as a kid?
do his parents tend to baby him and help him out of financial jams?
has he ever bragged about cheating on an exam or paying someone to write a paper for him in college?
if your man seems to have sailed through life without ever hitting the rough waters that rock the rest of us, beware. privileged chaps tend to suffer from a sense of entitlement (read: bratty-boy syndrome), so he may believe that the rules don't apply to him. he's so used to getting what he wants, why should he stop now?
"he might cheat because he thinks he deserves to fulfill all of his needs, no matter who he might hurt," says shirley glass, ph.d., a psychologist, infidelity expert and author of the forthcoming "not just friends: protecting your relationship from infidelity and healing from the trauma of betrayal." "he probably has little concept of how upset you would be if you found out because he's too self-centered to think about your feelings."
so how do you know if your have-it-all hunk has other women on his wish list? glass suggests paying attention to how he copes when he's confronted with any bad behavior on his part. does he regret getting caught forwarding your racy emails to his friends but feel no guilt for doing it in the first place? does he blame others when he screws up rather than take responsibility himself? if he can't see how his actions affect others, he's not likely to say, "whoa, what about my girlfriend?" when temptation strikes.
dating factor: his career
cheat predictor #2
does he work mostly with women?
is he always logging in late hours, whether it be at the office, at dinner with clients or on business trips?
does he make a lot of money?
it's great to date a guy with ambition -- and his deep pockets definitely don't hurt when he brings you pricey baubles -- but the office environment can open the door to private meetings of the carnal kind. according to glass, studies show that when men cheat, it's most often with a work colleague. "not only are people with similar interests side by side on a daily basis, but the time they spend together is usually when they're most energetic and look their best."
unfortunately, the bigger his wallet, the more likely your busy bee is to cozy up with an office buddy. according to a study conducted by jan halper, ph.d., author of "quiet desperation: the truth about successful men," top-tier guys have affairs more often than those on a lower rung, and not just because big bucks can be babe magnets. "evolution has wired men to understand that the better they are at providing, the more appealing they are to women," says alon gratch, ph.d., a psychologist and author of "if men could talk." "since testosterone is what drives men's quest for power, if a guy has achieved status, he's more likely to act on his desires." remember that little oval office incident?
but before you start staking out your guy's office parking lot, realize that a career-oriented man might just be spending time working diligently. if he sounds happy that you call during the day, invites you to his office and takes you to company parties, you're most likely his one and only partner. it's when he acts more secretive about his work than a cia agent that he's probably taking on after-hours clients.
dating factor: his schmooze mo
cheat predictor #3
can he talk his way out of anything (parking tickets, rolling into work late)?
does he make an effort to charm everyone -- your coworkers, your older sister, a saleswoman?
when you go to parties, does he insist on making the rounds?
your friends and family love him, and he always manages to keep you entertained. how could you not adore him? but according to glass, sweet-talkers often have a deep need for approval and thrive on attention. so what's wrong with dating a really friendly fella? well, sometimes a smooth operator's need for the spotlight can't be satisfied by one woman's ego-stroking. and if he's suave with the ladies, opportunities undoubtedly arise. "charmers meet a lot of women and win them over easily," says aumiller. "so even if his intentions aren't more than friendship, they might be willing to move beyond friendship, and that's hard to resist."
to determine if your charmer might become a two-timer, watch how he interacts with you in social settings. a guy who wants to play with other partners may brush you off when chatting with a new female friend or get noticeably more uncomfortable with pdas when other women are around. "he should act like a boyfriend, giving you side glances when he's talking with someone else, for example, or making sure he spends at least part of the night partying with you," says gratch. but it also wouldn't hurt to remind him how attention-worthy you are. when he chats up a chick in the corner, flirt with a few guys yourself. once he sees that you have your own game going on, he'll focus back on you.
dating factor: his friends
cheat predictor #4
does he usually hang out with a crew of mostly single guys?
do his friends encourage him to join them in just-for-men activities?
do his pals have problems staying in relationships?
the nightclubs, the bachelor parties, the dudes-only deeds we're better off not knowing the details of -- it's enough to make any woman worry just a wee bit. although boys-will-be-boys, bonding time helps a committed man feel less, well, trapped, the appeals of bachelorhood may make him long to be a free agent. a recent study of 37,000 men and women showed that when guys see those around them splitting from their significant others, it tends to encourage them to do the same.
you want to believe that his buddies would have enough sense to stop your guy from canoodling with some cute club-hopper, but they won't always be on your side. according to aumiller, "if a coupled-up guy's friends are all looking to get lucky, they may not only tease him about being tied down but also actually dare him to cheat. at the very least, they'll cover for him."
still, there's no need to ban him from hanging out with the bachelors if he's able to strike the right balance between his buddies and you. "he should include you sometimes when he meets up with friends," says glass. although your fella's frat pack might seem like the enemy, chumming it up with the guys (fake fondness if you have to) can do wonders for your relationship. once you've earned their respect, they're much less likely to push your partner into prowling.
约会的时候，你可以原谅男友的很多过错，但不太可能原谅他四处留情。本杂志做了一些调查，确定什么特征的男性容易背叛，我们的发现令人大开眼界。
不过在你激动之前，得记住这一点，就算你的约会对象具有了下述的全部特征，也并不意味着他必定会背叛你。你得睁大眼睛并听从自己的内心的声音，如果你的伴侣具有本文所说的冶游“本性”，那你得好好想想，决定自己该怎么办。
第一类特征：
?他是个惯坏的孩子吗？
?他的父母一直宠着他，并且帮助他脱离经济困境吗？
?他是不是吹嘘过自己考试是怎么作弊的，在大学里，他有没有付钱让别人帮他写论文？
如果你的伴侣一直顺风顺水，从来没有象我们普通人一样需要对付艰难的生活，你得小心了。备受关爱的孩子特别有“被授权的感觉”（坏孩子综合症），他们相信规则对他们是不适用的。如果他一直都能得到自己想要的，那为什么他现在要停下来？
他可能会背叛你，因为他认为自己所有的需要都应该被满足，无论他伤害了谁。而他很可能难以意识到，一旦你发现他是一个非常自我中心，很少考虑伴侣感受的人，你会多么沮丧。
那么你怎么知道，那个你想独占的魅力男人，在他的欲望名单上没有其它的女人？你可以留心他是怎样对待自己的错误的。如果他将你发给他的情色信件转发给他人，他是后悔自己被发现呢还是觉得自己不该这样做？当他把事情办砸了，他是抱怨别人呢还是自己承担起责任？如果他看不到自己的行为对别人的影响，那么在他遇到诱惑的时候，他也不会对自己说，“哇，那我女朋友怎么办呢？”
第二类特征：
?他大多数情况下与女性一起工作吗？
?他经常很晚才回来吗？他是在办公室，与客户用餐还是因公外出在路上？
?他挣很多钱吗？
与一个野心勃勃的家伙约会当然很不错，他那钱包那么深，的确特别讨人喜欢，尤其是在他带给你各种值钱的小玩意的时候，但是办公室的环境也很适合肉欲的私人约会。研究表明，大部分男人欺骗伴侣，是与同事发生亲密的关系。“这不仅是因为他们兴趣接近，天天一起工作，而且还因为他们在一起的时候，一般来说使他们一天中最有活力和最好的时候。”
不幸的是，他的钱包越深，你的那位就越容易象一只辛勤的蜜蜂，在办公室里传粉。上层圈子的人比下层阶级的人更容易出现风流事，不仅仅是因为他们手里厚厚的金元。进化的过程让男人理解，如果他们受到更好的供应，他们就越能吸引女性。既然激素使得男人追求权力，那么一个达到一定地位的人，更乐意按自己的欲望行事。记不记得白宫椭圆办公室的小事故？
但是在你去他的办公场所停车场盯梢之前，别忘了一个追逐事业的人必须在工作上花费大量的时间。如果他白天接到你的电话很开心，邀请你到他的办公室，带你参加他的同事聚会，那么你往往是他唯一的伴侣。如果他的行动象秘密警察，那他可能有非公务的客户。
第三类特征
?他能够就任何话题风趣地扯淡吗？（停车票，加班）
?他在尽力展现自己的魅力吗？——不管她们是你的同事、你的姐姐还是售货员？
?与你一起参加宴会，他坚持你跟他在一起多转转吗？
如果你的朋友和家人都很喜欢他，而他又致力让你开心。你能不喜爱他吗？但是，一个甜蜜的谈话者，往往经常需要别人的注意和赞扬。所以和一个友善而贴心的人约会有什么风险？一个擅于交往的人，需要在聚光灯下生活，他也许不太能满足一个女人的自私的抚爱（ego-stroking）。如果他和其他女性的交往中，表现的十分温和，他出轨的机会将会成倍的增长。有魅力的男人会遇到很多女性，而他又能比较容易的赢得她们的好感，即使他并不想有超过友谊的关系，但是她们也许希望往前再走一步，而抵制诱惑却不是那么容易。
判断你完美情人是不是脚踏两只船，观察他是在社交环境中是怎么陪伴你的。如果这个家伙在人群中很乐意拂掉你挽着他的手，当他与陌生女性交谈的时候并不乐意你在身边，或者他不喜欢你在晚会上公开的亲昵，他更乐意表现的象是你的异性朋友：只是陪伴你出席晚会，在与朋友交谈的时候扫视你一两眼，用部分的时间在晚会的时候陪伴你。所以你不妨表现秀一秀自己，当他在一个角落里与异性谈笑风生的时候，你也跟其他小伙子调调情。一旦他看见你也有自己的乐趣和游戏，他会重新注意你的。
第四类特征
?他经常和单身的同性在一起吗？
?他的同性朋友鼓励他参加只有男性的活动和聚会吗？
?他的同性朋友在两性关系的处理上有没有问题。
夜店、单身汉聚会、男人们的活动，这些活动女人们最好不要了解太多细节，它们一般也不会让女性担心。但是“男人就是男人”的活动，使得一个承诺在身的男人觉得很自在，单身生活的自由会吸引他更长久保持这种状态。最近一项超过三万七千人的研究表明，男性和女性看到自己身边的朋友纷纷与生命中有意义的异性分开，那么他们自己也会受到鼓励。
你可能愿意相信，他的狐朋狗友有足够的理智阻止他与那些常常光顾夜店的女孩亲昵，不过他们往往不会站在你这一边。实际上他们会嘲笑挑逗、甚至鼓励他做这样的尝试。最坏的情况，他们也会为他打掩护。
当然，如果你的爱人有足够的能力平衡你和他的伙计之间的关系，禁止他与同性朋友的聚会，不是上选。有时候你们应该想办法，共同参加这样的聚会。你男友的伙计们对你有些许敌意的，你得想办法“破冰”，在必要的情况下，哪怕假装与他们友善。一旦你赢得他们的尊重，他们不大可能将你的伴侣推到其他女人那里去。