relish love in your old age! aged love is like aged wine; it becomes more satisfying, more refreshing, more valuable, more appreciated and more intoxicating!" leo buscaglia.
for some people, taking a lover may seem a solution to the dullness of marriage, but this can prove rather a problematic solution for many emotional and moral reasons.
in this posting, i would like to focus upon the issue of the ideal age of the lover. the view, presented here by two people, runs contrary to the popular belief that a young lover is better,
benjamin franklin, the american statesman, who wrote a book entitled advice to a young man on the choice of a mistress, refer to the age of the lover as a way to reduce the difficulties of marital affairs. though he said that marriage is best, he added that if one does not take his advice and insists on having a mistress, one should prefer old women to young ones. franklin listed eight reasons for preferring older mistresses:
1. older women have greater knowledge of the world;
2. when women cease to be handsome, they study to be good: they supply the diminution of beauty by an augmentation of utility;
3. there is no hazard of children;
4. they are more discreet in conducting an affair;
5. although an older woman could be distinguished from a younger one by her face, regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two women to know an old from a young one;
6. the sin is less as the debauching of a virgin may make her for life unhappy;
7. the compunction is less: having made a young girl miserable may give you frequent bitter reflections, none of which can attend the making an old woman happy;
8. older women are more grateful.
without going too deeply into franklin's advice, i would like to examine whether there is a gender difference in this regard or whether it is advisable for those women who are unable to solve their marriage difficulties to take an old lover.
julia, a beautiful married woman in her mid-thirties who has an older lover, accepts the above idea in general. her view may be summarized in the following points:
1. older men have a better career position and can be useful in helping you to advance your career;
2. when men begin to lose their looks, they learn to be good: they substitute for their diminished appearance by increasing their helpfulness;
3. there is no danger of them insisting upon dissolving their marriage in order to embark upon a long-term relationship with you; older men are more stable by nature.
4. they are more discreet in conducting an affair and they often have more opportunities to do so;
5. while their sexual ability may be somewhat reduced (although viagra can take care of this), they offer much greater emotional support and intimacy than their younger counterparts.
6. the wrongdoing is reduced by the fact that he is more responsible for his choices and is more likely to be able to handle the compromises involved in such an affair;
7. the compunction is less: making a boy or a young man miserable is likely to cause you remorse, which is unlikely to occur when making an old man happy;
8. older men are more grateful.
9. there is less risk of them leaving you for another woman; thus one's heart is less likely to be broken;
10. older men are less of a threat to a younger husband, should the affair be exposed.
11. as a relationship with an older lover is of different nature, it can complement your marital relationship and can even save it.
julia summarizes her attitude as follows: "my old lover makes me feel great and more wonderful than brad pitt would. i think beautiful men are like a prada handbag: women want them to make other women jealous, but in the long run it's not really satisfying."
it seems that there are very few gender differences in the considerations regarding the advantages of taking an old rather than a young lover.
despite the ‘useful' insights provided by franklin and julia, it is still doubtful whether having an old lover would solve all the moral and emotional difficulties connected with having an affair.
the above considerations can be encapsulated in the following declaration that a married person might express: "darling, despite the dullness of our marriage, please try to avoid affairs. but if you must have one, please try to take an old lover."
”享受你的夕阳之恋吧！这种爱恋如同陈年的美酒——愈发的满足，充满活力，更有价值，甚至另你陶醉！”利奥·巴斯卡利亚（1924-1998 世界著名的演说家和作家）如是说。
对有些人来说，找个情人是为了解决婚姻带来的的乏味感，但是，更多的是为了解决情感和道德上的问题。
在这篇文章里，我想要关注的是寻找情人的完美年龄。我的观点和时下流行的“越年轻越好”的理念是相反的，为此，我找了两个人来证明。
本杰明 富兰克林，美国政治家，写过一本名为《给年轻人找 情人的建议》，书中指出恋人的年龄可以减少婚外情的困难。虽然，他曾说过婚姻是最好的，但他还是指出，如果执意要寻找刺激的话，选择年纪大的情人胜于年轻的。富兰克林例举了8条原因来证明他的观点：
1.年纪大的女性更多的了解世界；
2.当女人不再追求青春美丽时，她们变得更好：她们会用其他的来弥补容颜的消逝。
3.不会有孩子的危险；
4.她们对于外遇更加的慎重；
5.虽然年纪大的女人面容不如少女美丽，但是在只关注腰部以下时，她们没有区别；
6.这比使一个处女堕落的罪恶感少的多；
7.不会良心不安：使一个少女迷失会让你时不时的感觉到苦涩的悔意。
8.年纪大的女人更会感激。
不去深究富兰克林的忠告，我想要检查一下这些建议是否对于那些不能解决婚姻困难的女性仍然有效。
茱莉亚，一位三十过半的美丽女性，拥有一个比她年龄大的情人。她基本同意富兰克林的建议，即：找 情人要找年龄大的。她的观点可以概括如下：
1.老男人有更好的工作，并且可以对你的工作给与帮助；
2.当男人不再追求外表时，他们变得更好：他们会用其他的来弥补年轻的消逝；
3.不用担心他们会离婚来和你维持长期的关系，老男人更加沉稳；
4.他们对于外遇更谨慎，而且他们有更多的机会去那么做；
5.就算他们雄风不再（伟哥可以帮忙，当然），他们付出更多的感情和甜言蜜语；
6.由于他们对自己的选择负责，所以坏事很少发生，并且，他们也可以解决外遇中的麻烦；
7.不会有负罪感：让一个少男迷失会让你后悔，但让一个老男人快乐却不会；
8.老男人更会感激；
9.他们不太会离你而去，另寻新欢：心碎的机会很少；
10.老男人与你的丈夫联系很少，外遇不会被暴露；
11.和一个老男人维持关系是另一种性质的，这也许可以挽救你的婚姻。
茱莉亚总结了她的观点：”我的”老“情人让我感觉很棒，比布拉德 皮特还棒。我觉得帅哥就像一只普拉达的手袋：女人拎出去让别的女人嫉妒，但是用的不舒服。“
看起来在男女选择老情人而不是年轻的情人的考虑上非常相识。
除了富兰克林和茱莉亚的”实用“的观点，通过外遇，老情人是否可以解决所有的道德和心理的困难尚存疑问。
以上所有可以压缩为以下的”已婚者宣言“：”亲爱的，若非婚姻的乏味，请远离外遇；若你执意要做，请找个年龄大点的。“
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