the former erotic review magazine editor answers your sex questions.
question:
i have been with my boyfriend for nearly seven years. i love and trust him, but we have one squabble in the bedroom: he wants to film us having sex. he promises he'll give the only copy to me. but i feel pretty uncomfortable about it. he says it will be incredibly erotic and that i should loosen up.
answer:
i have two cautionary words for you: paris hilton. you can bet your bottom dollar that hilton's former boyfriend rick salomon reassured her there would only be one copy of their sex video and no one else would ever see it.
umpteen million internet viewings later, there's lamentably few people on the planet who don't know ms hilton will happily carry on a mobile phone conversation mid-coitus.
not a good idea: letting your boyfriend film you having sex could have disastrous consequences
as hilton herself reflected recently: 'it's a big learning lesson, because i think a lot of girls, when they're in a relationship, they will love someone and trust them and maybe let them do that - and you never know what they could do with it.'
ho hum, i think we know exactly what they could do.
abi titmuss lost her job on the richard and judy show when a hardcore recording involving the tv presenter surfaced.
and last year's x factor winner, alexandra burke, faced the devastating news that her ex-boyfriend was trying to hawk a film of her having sex. true, when you're not a celeb the chances of global humiliation are scant, but most us would find it mortifying if even one stranger viewed our most intimate trysts.
you don't have to be famous for an ex to post intimate footage of you online. i've even stumbled across a website where jilted men are encouraged to place pornographic footage of the lovers who spurned them.
of course, only a handful of men are that rat-like and unscrupulous. but even the nicer kind can prove careless. a friend of mine allowed her generally dependable 40-something lawyer boyfriend to film them both having wild sex.
he gave her the 'only' copy. however, he omitted to say he had the rough cut on his hard drive. three years later he said in amusement: 'look what i've just found!', and showed her the original footage. her first horrified thought was that the computer had crashed twice in the intervening time and been sent away to engineers.
'just imagine how many techies have seen me having sex!', she wailed to me. 'how do i know that one of them hasn't posted it on the web?'
an even greater hazard is spur-of-the-moment erotic footage on mobile phones - probably the most common form of home-porn nowadays. a writer friend and her husband took some naughty footage in a hotel and hours later the phone was stolen.
the trouble with intimate films is that they're like diaries: both are always supposed to be deadly secret, but the very act of putting down words anticipates a reader, just as film footage anticipates an audience. the evidence may be found years after the event.
a 20-something acquaintance recently told of her mate's terrible shock at putting a tape into the video machine and finding steamy footage of his churchgoing parents at a swingers' party.
right, that's quite enough cautionary tales. fear of exposure isn't your only consideration in this matter. it is clear you simply don't share your boyfriend's erotic fantasy about making a sex film, which is understandable and reasonable. many people feel uncomfortable having their photo taken or being watched while they undress, let alone exposing their most intimate anatomy to the camera lens.
your boyfriend's comment that you should 'loosen up' appears to be a mutt-headed attempt to persuade you that the great majority of women harbour panting ambitions to be amateur porn stars. but most of us are quite happy to keep our sexual expertise a secret between ourselves, our lover and the bedroom ceiling.
i don't necessarily place all the blame squarely on your man - men's magazines have been propagating this kind of nonsense for years; but it's a great mistake to think of jordan's or pamela anderson's behaviour as normal. it goes without saying that the making of any erotic film should be an entirely consensual activity and it sounds as if you're being emotionally blackmailed.
but the truth is your qualms are entirely judicious; if your partner truly loves you he won't implore you to put yourself in any situation where you feel inhibited, unhappy or vulnerable. you need to put this point to him.
you could also perhaps consider offering a compromise, such as bringing several full-length mirrors into the bedroom - placed strategically they can provide a cinematic dimension to sex and would allow you to explore how comfortable you feel about your lovemaking being on display. if this does embolden you to make a film, i have just one piece of advice - keep the darn thing in a bank vaul.
前情色评论杂志编辑正回答你有关性的问题：
问题：我已经和男朋友在一起七年了，我爱他，也相信他。但我们为了在卧室的一件事争吵，他想拍我们亲热的视频。他答应会把唯一的那份给我，但我始终无法接受。他说这有助于引起色欲，并认为我应该放开些。
解答：我只想提一个名字：帕丽斯 希尔顿。你可以想象希尔顿的前男友里克所罗门曾向她保证只有一盒亲热视频，别人不会看到。后来因特网上出现无数的复制版，地球上很少有人不知道希尔顿乐于在亲热过程中接电话。
让男朋友拍亲热的视频会导致严重的后果。
希尔顿最近回应说：“这是一个教训，我相信有许许多多的女孩，当和男友交往时会百分百爱他并相信他，让他拍了亲热的视频，但你不知道他会用它做什么。”
不，我其实知道他们想做什么。
艾比蒂特莫斯由于在richard and judy节目上播放含有色情内容的录像丢了工作。去年英国选秀节目x factor的冠军亚历山德拉伯克曾面临毁灭性的新闻：她的前男友曾试图叫卖与她亲热的视频。当然，如果你不是一个名人，你可能不会感到来自全世界的羞耻，但我们中大多数还是会抵制陌生人看我们最亲密的幽会。
不仅是名人才能让前任在网上公布两人的亲密视频，我曾经还偶然发现一个网站鼓励被抛弃的人上传对方淫秽的片段。当然，只有少部分男人是卑鄙的，不道德的，但防患于未然还是需要的。我的一个朋友允许她可靠的40多岁的律师男友拍他们亲热的视频。他给了她唯一的一盒视频，只是没有说他曾在硬盘上做过剪辑。三年后他很高兴的说：“看我找到了什么！”并给她看了未剪辑。令她感到恐慌的是在这期间电脑被重装过两次，并送过工程师进行修理。“只要想想有多少人看过我亲热我就觉得恐慌，”她哭叫着，“而且我不知道他们中会不会有人把它放到了网上。”
更大的危险在把色情片段存在手机里，这是如今家庭拍摄视频的主要手段。一个作家朋友和她的丈夫用手机拍了一些亲热的视频，不久手机被偷了。
亲热视频的使人不安的原因是它们像日记，两者都是绝对的秘密，不同的是写下文字期望的是读者，而视频期望的是观众。而证据可能在数年后才能发现。
一个20岁左右的熟人最近被告知她的丈夫在把一卷带子放入录像机后惊讶地发现当时新婚的父母闹洞房时的激情场面。
确实，有太多给人敲响警钟的例子。害怕曝光不是你唯一能想到的。你应该清楚不应该答应男友拍亲热视频的要求，这很合乎情理。许多人在没穿衣服时被人拍照或看到会觉得不舒服，更别说是在镜头下一丝不挂了。
你男友说你应该放开些明显是想以大多数女性都渴望成为裸露明星这种可爱的理由来劝服你。但我们中大多数还是希望把我们亲热的画面变成只存在于我们和天花板之间的秘密。
我不是想把责任都推给男性，男性杂志传播这种想法很多年了，但把乔丹和pamela anderson's的行动看成正常是不对的。我们应该说，拍摄亲热视频是完全需双方同意的事，不然你会觉得被情感敲诈了。
我要说你的焦虑是很明智的，如果你的另一半真的爱你，他不会勉强把你放在难堪，不开心或敏感的地方，你必须告诉他这点。你也可以想写妥协的方式，比如放一些标准长度的镜子在卧室里，这样可以提供给你电影的感觉并让你看到做爱是多么舒服的。如果这样做真的让你想拍成视频，我只有一个建议——藏好你的私密部位。