my dream ended when i was born. although i never knew it then, i just held on to something that would never come to pass. dreams really do exist. but in the morning when you wake up, they are remembered just as a dream. that is what happened to me.
i always have the dream to dance like a beautiful ballerina twirling around and around and hearing people applaud for me.
when i was young, i would twirling around and around in the fields of wildflowers that grew in my backyard. for hours i would dance as if people were watching me. i would dance so fast that i would forget where i was, until i would hear sounds that reminded me of where i really was. i thought that if i twirled faster everything would disappear and i would wake up in a new place. reality woke me up when i heard a voice saying, "i don't know why you bother trying to dance. ballerinas are pretty, slender little girls. besides, you don't have the talent to even be a ballerina." i remember how those words paralyzed every feeling in my body. i feel to the ground and wept for hours.
we lived in the country by a nearby lake and i would sometimes go there to hide. my parents were never home anyway and i did not like to be at home where i could hear the walls talking of pain. when they were home, my mother just yelled and criticized because nothing was ever perfect in her life. she dreamed of a different life but ended up living in a country far away from the city where she believed her dreams would have come true.
i enjoyed hanging out by the water. i would sit there for hours and stare at my reflection. there i was, looked nothing like a pretty ballerina dancer. reflections don't lie. once the waves would come, my reflection was gone. washed away just like my dream to dance. i sat there staring at the water, hoping that my reflection would reappear and be different.
as i grew older, i began to realize that the reason my dream was even born in the first place, was because it was something that was inside of me. the dream i had was never nurtured and cared for, so it slowly died. it's not that i wanted it to die, but i allowed it to die the day i started listening to the words, "you can't do it." when i finally woke up from many years of dreaming, i realized that you can't settle for dancing in the wildflowers, you have to move on to the platform. i still go to the lake sometimes and sit there. looking at my reflection is different now too. when i was young, i looked at how others saw me, now that i am older and wiser; i look at how god sees me .
从出生那天起，我的梦想就注定了只能是一个梦想。 但是那时，我却从来没有意识到这一点，我只是一厢情愿地去抓住那些易逝的美好时光，努力珍惜眼前的点点滴滴。而梦，无论多么真切，当你在清晨睁开双眼的刹那，都仍只是梦。
我时常梦想着能像最优美的芭蕾舞演员般在观众热烈真诚的掌声中翩然而舞。
在我小的时候，我家后院里有一大片不知名的花丛，我常常在花丛中一圈又一圈的飞速旋转，越转越快，快得我仿佛感觉到四周有许多观众在注视着我；越转越快，快得我忘了置身何处，仿佛整个世界都随我转动了起来。直到，一声轻响将我拉回现实。我时常幻想着，如果我能转得更快一些，整个世界会不会随之消失，而我也将在另一个地方醒来呢？
可是现实总会一次次无情的将我唤醒。“我不明白你为什么要自寻烦恼的去尝试跳舞。芭蕾舞演员都是些漂亮、苗条的年轻女孩，你根本没有成为芭蕾舞演员的天赋啊。”直到今天，我仍清楚地记得当我听到这些话时，那种刻骨铭心的麻木和无力。置身于冰冷的绝望之中，泪水肆意的汹涌着。
那时，我们住在一个沿湖的村子里，有时我会一个人走到湖边，仿佛在那里可以逃避现实的无情。不管怎么说，反正父母也经常不在家，而我也不愿在家里被痛苦和忧伤笼罩。即使他们在家的时候，母亲也只是不停的抱怨和指责，她总觉得她的生命充满不幸和烦恼。她梦想有一个不同的生活，可惜这个梦想却只能在远离城市的乡村中破碎得无影无踪，而城市才是她坚信可以让她实现梦想的所在。
我喜欢沿着湖水散步，在湖边一坐就是几个小时，长久地凝视着自己的倒影。那就是我，没有任何地方像一个美丽的芭蕾舞者。倒影是不会撒谎的。波浪卷来，倒影碎裂，一如我的芭蕾之梦。我没有起身，我仍坐在那里凝视着湖水，盼着倒影再次出现，焕然一新。
梦想，从诞生起那一刻就对我有着非凡的意义。当我渐渐长大，我开始意识到这是因为那是深深印刻在我体内的灵魂烙印。但是，我从来没有好好的去滋养过她，照料过她，所以，她慢慢枯萎了。我并不希望她枯萎，但当那一天我听到“你无法做到”的时候，她已经在我的懦弱下枯萎了。直到成年后，当我从漫长的梦中醒来时，我才认识到，你不能仅仅甘心于在无人的野花从中舞蹈，你必须走向舞台，唯此，你才可能实现你的梦。现在，我仍会时不时独自去那片湖边静静坐上片刻，而我的倒影也已经有所不同了。当我年少时，我在乎的是他人眼中的自己；现在，我长大了，多了对人生的体悟，更加从容淡定了，我在乎的是内心真正的自我。