today is father’s day in many countries, including the united states. while sorting some old letters and photos recently, i stumbled across a letter my dad wrote to me during my sophomore year of college. this is my father’s financial advice to me when i was nineteen years old. i haven’t attempted to edit — any misspellings are his.
j.d.’s points to ponder
warning — make sure you read them all. there may be some surprises in them so read them all or you will miss them.
#1 your scholarship is irreplacable. there is no way that you or i can make up $9500.00 a year difference. study comes first. before you panic, read on. i hear you talk about working and unless i missed something somewhere you are talking 32 hours a week at least or was that 24 hours a month on campus?
#2 you were successful at saving a little over $1000.00 this summer. that’s an achievement for you. we will try to do better next summer won’t we.
#3 nutrition is important. don’t slight it. it is your body that supports your mind. if you slight your body you slight your mind so eat your green beans.
#4 wear clean underwear.
#5 you used to play lots of video games. one of them had a rocket and you had an energy level you had to worry about. energy was used to travel and to shoot at the enemy. life is a big videogame. in our society money is the energy. there are certain things you have to or should do so make sure don’t shoot so many asteroids just for the fun of it that you deplete your energy level and someone has to flash on your screen —game over—.
#6 girls can be handy. they are nice to talk to and smooch and some times they take pity on poor helpless males and cook them a meal + iron for them.
#7 i have two ounces of yellow metal left among other things. a good inducement to get your father thinking the right direction would be for you to make a budget and keep track of how well you stick to it.
#8 while we are on the subject let me throw out some ideas that would point to reasons for subconscious compulsive spending.
a. when you were little mom was busy in the business and would buy you a new toy almost everyday. it was a way of saying “i feel so guilty — here, this toy is my love for you.”
your dad played the same game only it was in large a grand ways — tropical fish instead of gold fish etc.
the result would be a compulsion to spend when lonely. the cure is to “look at them and sigh and know they love you.” you are a big boy now and it is time to say goodby to that part of parenting you never had. please don’t wait till you’re 40 to do so. i can think of a zillion mistakes we made but i will guartee [sic] you that we did the best we knew how. the answer is for you to identify and acknowledge the mistakes for what they are. then you will be able to see the love that was there too and compulsion will leave.
b. don’t forget the saint helens tee shirts. i can bet you tap into those feelings a dozen times a day as you walk around campus and compare your situation with that of some of the others. spending and collecting is a way of trying to prove that you have it too.
cure
if this is the case the cure is to focus on the objective — getting through school — and realizing that the “it” that they have is privelege that come with wealthy parents. no matter what you spend you will not create wealthy parents. focus on the “it” that you have that no amount of money can buy. looks, brains, nice to be around, kindness, talent to name a few. just remember, “you never saw a fish wishing he were a frog.”
#9 your parents love you! we talk about you everyday. it wouldn’t hurt to call sometimes and invite them down for a minute or two. they might come with bags of groceries in each arm.
#10 i know the time will come when you may go on an adventure such as a move out of state or a trip to australia or whatever else crosses that mind of yours. we will probably throw out all kinds of cautions. that’s just what parents do but follow your dreams anyhow. please don’t ever move off without letting us know where you are and dropping a note once in a while just to say your ok. parents have spent 18 years listening to your every breath and loosing sleep if you missed a breath and they just can’t get out of that habit easily. you can do most anything you want and you will have our approval as long as we know you are ok.
#11 we need to get the title transfered on the car + some repairs made soon. the new guy i hired is also a mechanic so plan a saturday out here real soon.
#12 if you maintain your apartment address over the summer it may be worth $3500 in grants next fall. you can come stay with us but you need to prove you are living on your own to be considered on your own income.
although my relationship with dad was strained at the end of his life, i admired him a great deal. he had his faults — including poor money skills — but he was a dreamer, and he loved his family. he died ten days shy of his 50th birthday, in july of 1995. if you’d prefer, you can read the entirety of ..
今天许多国家都在过父亲节，美国也是。最近我把老照片和信件分了类，找到了一封我大学一年级时老爸写给我的信。这是我十九岁时他写给我的有关理财方面的建议。我没有改动过—要是有写错的字，就是他写的。
j.d.要思考的几点：
注意—确定自己把这封信读完。里面可能会有些让你惊讶的事情，所以请把信读完，否则就冒过了。
#1 你的奖学金是无可替代的。你和我都不可能一年挣到9500美元。首先要注意学习。先读下去，再晕也不迟。我听你说过工作的事，不知道有没有记错，你是每周在大学学习至少32个小时，还是一个月学习24小时？
#2 今年暑假你存了一千多块钱，这一点做得很不错。对你来说，这算是成就了吧。明年暑假我们会做得更好，是吧？
#3 营养很重要，不要忽视。有好的身体才有好的思想。如果不注意身体，你的思维也会受阻，所以你要多注意营养。
#4 穿干净内衣。
#5 你以前经常打电脑游戏，其中有个游戏有火箭的。你要警惕玩游戏时自己所花费的精力。人的精力是用来旅行，以及对付敌人的，生活是一个大的电脑游戏。社会中的能量既是金钱。有些事是你必须做，或者说是应该做的，你要确定自己没有因为找乐子设立了过多的目标，这样不仅削弱你的精力，将来还会有人在你的屏幕上写上—游戏结束—的字样。
#6 女孩儿有时候很容易得到。她们乐意和你交谈，接吻，有时还会同情同情某个无助的可怜男人，给他们做一碗粥什么的。
#7我有两盎司的的黄铜。让你老爸想起要给你指出你做预算的正确方向，还有要追踪黄铜的保存情况。
#8既然说到这里了，那老爸就给你说一说关于你妈妈潜意识冲动消费的事情吧。
a, 你小的时候，你妈工作很忙，但却几乎每天给你买回一样新玩具。这是在跟你说：“妈妈很内疚，看，这个玩具是妈妈给你的爱。”
你老爸也跟你玩一样的游戏，不过只是玩规模很大的游戏—不是金鱼而是热带鱼。
结果是：当妈妈觉得你孤单的时候，就会给你买回来玩具。你可以看着这些玩具，叹一口气，了解到他们都很爱你。你现在长大了，是时候跟你小时候没得到父母照顾的感觉说再见了。不要等到自己四十岁的时候再这么做。我知道我和你妈妈在这件事情上犯了很多很多错误，但是老爸保证，我跟你妈都做了我们当时能做到的一切事情。是时候让你知道、认识到这些错误了。这样你会看到，我跟你妈对你的爱从来都没有改变过，而你妈妈想买玩具给你的想法也会随之而去了。
b, 别忘了saint helenst恤的事。我猜你一定常常有这种感觉：走在校园里，会拿自己的经济状况和其他同学比较。消费和存钱也是证明你自己的一种方式。
解决方法：专注目标—读完大学—意识到你那些家里富有的同学所拥有的东西是从父母那里得来的。不管你怎么花费，你的父母仍然不是富人。所以你要专注在金钱不能买到的东西上，这些是你本来就有的：外表、头脑、待人友善、友好、才能等等。要记住，“没有哪条鱼想变成青蛙。”
#9 我和你妈妈很爱你！我们每天都在谈你的事情。偶尔给家里打打电话不会有什么困难吧，或者邀他们下来坐两分钟也好，他们会一手拿一只袋子的。
#10 我知道，将来有一天你会去冒险：搬到国外去住，或者去澳洲旅行，或者做点想到就做的事情。我们可能会对你又是一番唠叨。这是爸妈会做的事情，不过不管怎样，去追求你的梦想吧。但是，不要一声不响地搬走，不告诉我们你在哪儿，也不要就扔下一张纸条，告诉我们你还好。老爸老妈在这18年里把你抱在手里，含在嘴里，他们还不能适应你不在他们身边的感觉。你可以做自己想做的事情，只要让我们知道你还好就行了。
#11 我们得把话题转到车上面了，车很快会修好。我刚雇佣的那个伙计还是个机械师，所以很快我们就能在周六出去玩一玩了。
#12 如果你在整个夏天都保留自己的公寓地址的话，明年秋天我会给你3500美元。你可以过来和我们住在一起，但是你得保证用自己的收入来支付生活费用。
尽管我和老爸的关系在他过世之前变得有点僵，但我一直都非常敬重他。他犯过错误—包括在金钱管理上的错误—但他是个有梦想的人，他热爱自己的家人。他在五十岁生日前十天过世，时间是1995年7月。如果你想进一步了解我爸给我的财务建议的话，可以参阅我爸的原信。