my new boyfriend rob is an explorer, not as in captain cook (although he is english and does like to travel).
no, he matches the explorer personality type, says dr helen fisher, an expert in the science of human attraction. that means he is spontaneous, impulsive, creative and restless.
“explorers are more likely to enjoy smoking, alcohol, drugs, gambling, risky sex or some other sort of spontaneous, exhilarating behaviour,” fisher writes in her book, why him? why her? finding real love by understanding your personality type (oneworld publications).
i, on the other hand, am a builder, concludes fisher after i complete her personality test, which she designed for online dating website match.com. as a builder, i’m cautious about jumping into relationships, reliable, old-fashioned, social, and like good manners and well-arranged schedules.
according to fisher’s research of 28,000 couples, explorers and builders are not naturally compatible. oops. “explorers and builders are not typically attracted to each other; this is not a natural partnership,” writes fisher, who has spent 30 years studying the science of love.
however, before my relationship is completely doomed, fisher reassures me that explorers can become attracted to the builder type when they are ready to settle down and begin a family. well, rob is 45.
“although your boyfriend wants to do things spontaneously, such as book a flight to greenland tomorrow, he will lead you on exciting and interesting adventures, while you will provide things the explorer needs – a stable home, a sense of family, community, loyalty.”
i’m not entirely convinced, but fisher says there is proof it can work, pointing out that nicole kidman is a builder and husband keith urban an explorer.
fisher, a biological anthropologist, says she wrote her latest book because she wanted to uncover the science behind “why you love who you love and perhaps even help people find the one”.
she discovered it comes down to our chemical make-up – in other words, you literally need the right chemistry to make a relationship work.
she found there are four chemicals that are associated with four different personality traits. explorers, who are spontaneous and seek novelty, have noticeably higher dopamine activity in their brains; builders, who are social and cautious but not fearful, have a lot of serotonin going for them; directors, who are decisive and emotionally contained (think kevin rudd) are big on testosterone; and negotiators, who see the big picture, are well read and have
strong verbal skills, have more oestrogen activity than the others.
“our chemical make-up determines who we naturally find attractive,” fisher says. successful matches can be made between any combination, “but it may take more effort to keep the relationships alive”.
how can this help you?
fisher says single people can win over a love interest by determining his or her personality type and then directing words or actions that best suit them.
“the reasons behind why we love are incredibly complex, but it is possible to scientifically understand why people partner better with certain types.”
fisher’s insights have left me intrigued as i attend my niece’s fifth birthday party while rob decides – on the spur of the moment – to head north for a spot of fishing. but it doesn’t bother me so much because i know he’s being true to his type, and i’m being true to mine – we have the chemistry to prove it.
take the test
are you dating mr right?
take dr helen fisher’s test to find out.
circle your answer next to each question.
sd=strongly disagree, d=disagree, a=agree, sa=strongly agree.
(see scoring instructions at end of test after you have completed all four sections).
scale 1
i do things on the spur of the moment.
sd, d, a, sa
i have a very wide range of interests.
sd, d, a, sa
i have more energy than most people.
sd, d, a, sa
total
scale 2
people should behave according to established standards of proper conduct.
sd, d, a, sa
in general, i think it is important to follow rules.
sd, d, a, sa
my friends and family would say i have
traditional values.
sd, d, a, sa
total
scale 3
i am more analytical and logical than most people.
sd, d, a, sa
i am able to solve problems without letting emotion get in the way.
sd, d, a, sa
i like to figure out how things work.
sd, d, a, sa
total
scale 4
i like to get to know my friends’ deepest needs and feelings.
sd, d, a, sa
i frequently catch myself daydreaming.
sd, d, a, sa
after watching an emotional film i often still feel moved by it several hours later.
sd, d, a, sa
total
how to score: 0 points for each answer of “strongly disagree”, 1 point for each answer of “disagree”, 2 points for each answer of “agree”, and 3 points for each answer of “strongly agree”. then add up the number of points in each of the four scales, but do not add all the points of all scales together.
scale 1 measures how much of an explorer you are.
scale 2 measures how much of a builder you are.
scale 3 measures how much of a director you are.
scale 4 measures how much of a negotiator you are.
the two top scores are your primary and secondary types. explorers and builders should date their own kind; directors and negotiators should date each other.
explorers – novelty-seeking, risk-taking, spontaneous.
builders – calm, well-mannered, loyal and cautious.
directors – decisive, competitive, often musical.
negotiators – imaginative, intuitive, compassionate.
我的新男友罗伯是一位探险者，并不是库克船长影片里的那种（尽管他是英国人并十分喜欢旅行）。
不，是在说他属于探险者这一人格类型，海伦费舍尔博士如是说，他是一位研究人类吸引力科学的专家。这意味着罗伯天性率直，容易冲动，有创造力以及总是安不下心来。
探险者们大多都喜欢抽烟，酗酒，吸毒，赌博，危险的性爱和其他自发性的令人振奋的行为。费舍尔在她的书中写道，为什么是他？为什么又是她？通过了解你的性格类型可让你找到真爱（寰宇一家出版）。
本人，却在另一面，是一个建设者，在我完成费舍尔的性格测试后得出此结论，这是她专为一家约会网站match.com设计的。作为一名建设者，我在步入一段恋情时会十分谨慎，为人可靠，守旧，善交际，喜欢良好的举止和精心安排的日程。
根据费舍尔对28，000对伴侣的研究，探险者和建设者并不是浑然天成的伴侣。噢。“探险者和建设者们通常并不互相吸引；这并不是很适合的伴侣”费舍尔这样写，她花了30年来研究爱情这门科学。
然而，在我的恋情完全步入无望之前，费舍尔打消了我的顾虑：当探险者们准备好安定下来组建一个家庭时，也会被建设者吸引。还好，罗伯今年45岁。
“尽管你的男友会凭本能做一些事情，比如预定明天去往格陵兰的航班，他会带着你做兴奋有趣的历险，而你也给与他他所需要的---安稳的家，亲情，归属感，社区，忠诚。”
我并不完全确信，但费舍尔说有证据证明该理论成立，指出妮可基德曼是建设者而她的丈夫基恩厄本是一位探险者。
费舍尔，生物人类学家，说她的最新著作的出发点是缘于她想揭开“为什么你会爱上你的爱人，这也许会帮助人们找到爱人”背后的科学依据。
她发觉这归结于我们的化学特性---换句话说，你得完全按照正确的化学特性去寻找伴侣。
她发现有四种化学特性对应四种不同的性格特征。探险者，自发性强热爱猎奇，在他们的大脑中多巴胺的活跃度明显更高；建设者，钟爱社交处事谨慎但并不胆怯，会生成大量血清素；决策者，果断而情绪化（想一下凯文路德）睾丸激素会高于常人；以及谈判者，可以看到大局，理解力强并善于语言交流，会比其他人拥有更高的雌激素。
“我们的化学特性决定了我们会被什么样的人吸引”费舍尔说。任何组合都有可能配对成功，“但需要更多努力方可保持爱情鲜活”。
这怎么才能帮到您呢？
费舍尔说单身人士可以通过确定他/她的性格类型继而采取最适合他们的的言辞和行为来赢取爱意。
“我们为什么相爱，这背后的原因难以置信地复杂，但还是有可能用科学的方法弄明白为什么我们和某一类人结伴会更愉快。”
当我参加小侄女的五周岁生日聚会上我对费舍尔的见解又产生了兴趣，那时罗伯决意---临时决定---向北进发去捕鱼。但这再也不会过多困扰我了因为我知道他只是他这一类型的典型，而我也是我这一类型的典型---我们有化学依据可以证明的。
来做个小测试吧
你正和心仪的男生约会吗
做完费舍尔的测验你便会知晓。
在每一条问题旁边在你的答案上画上圈
sd=一点也不认同 d=不认同 a=认同 sa=完全认同
（完成所有的部分后请参照底部的分数说明）
步骤一
我凭一时冲动做事 sd d a sa
我兴趣广泛 sd d a sa
我的精力比一般人好 sd d a sa
总分
步骤二
人们应当根据正当行为所建立的准则行事 sd d a sa
通常，我觉得应该遵守规则 sd d a sa
我的朋友和家人都会说我的观念很传统 sd d a sa
总分
步骤三
我比多数人更懂得分析和有逻辑性 sd d a sa
我能够在解决问题的时候不被情绪所影响 sd d a sa
我喜欢弄明白事物是怎么运作的 sd d a sa
总分
步骤四
我想要知道朋友们的深层需求和感受 sd d a sa
我经常发觉自己痴心妄想 sd d a sa
看完一部情感戏几个小时后仍然被其感动着 sd d a sa
总分
怎样计算分数：每个“一点也不认同”得零分，“不认同”得1分，“认同”得2分，每个“完全同意”得3分。然后把每个步骤的分数加起来，但不要把不同步骤的分数加在一起。
步骤一是衡量你有多属于探险者
步骤一是衡量你有多属于建设者
步骤一是衡量你有多属于决策者
步骤一是衡量你有多属于谈判者
分数最高的那两个分数就是你的基本和次级类型。探险者和建设者应该和他们同类的人在一起；决策者和谈判者是适应对方的类型。
探险者---猎奇，冒险，率直
建设者---冷静，良好的举止，忠诚和谨慎
决策者---果断，求胜心，通常热爱音乐
谈判者---有想象力，依靠直觉，富有同情心