What do you want in bed?
你想从鱼水之欢中得到什么？
Sexual fantasies are among the most taboo of topics - awkward to talk about, even (or perhaps especially) with a partner we know well. They can sometimes feel embarrassing or shameful, even if we tell no one. We wonder: Where did this come from? Is it normal?
现实生活中，性幻想通常是一个禁忌话题-往往不便谈论，羞于启齿，即便在（或者说尤其是）在面对我们最熟悉的另一半时。这些幻想有时候会让人感到尴尬或羞愧，即便我们只是深藏心底。我们不禁疑惑：这样的幻想从何而来？是正常的吗？
A new book coming out next month, "Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life" by Justin Lehmiller, sheds some light on the topic of fantasies, including who has them, how common they are and how they change over a person's lifetime.
贾斯丁.莱赫米勒(Justin Lehmiller)本月出版的新书《说出你的欲望：性欲的科学及其如何改善你的性生活》(The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life)对性幻想这一话题进行了探讨，包括拥有性幻想的人群、普遍程度及在人的一生中有何变化。
Dr. Lehmiller, a social psychologist and research fellow at Indiana University's Kinsey Institute, conducted one of the largest and most comprehensive research studies ever done on fantasies - a survey of 369 questions that asked people about their personalities and sexual histories, as well as what their biggest fantasy is, how frequently they fantasize, and what person, place or things they fantasize about. More than 4,000 Americans answered the questionnaire; they ranged in age from 18 to 87 and represented all 50 states, as well as different economic and religious backgrounds, sexual orientations and relationship types.
莱赫米勒博士是印第安纳大学金西研究所(Kinsey Institute)的社会心理学家和研究员，他对性幻想所做的研究调查是史上规模最大、最全面的研究之一-他向调查对象询问369个问题，包括他们的性格、性史、最夸张的性幻想是什么、性幻想的频率、幻想对象、地点以及情形，等等。来自全美50个州的超过4,000名美国人填写了调查问卷。调查对象年龄从18-87岁不等，有着不同的经济和宗教背景、性取向以及关系状态。
In the 1940s and 1950s, sexologist Alfred Kinsey famously wrote about people's sexual activities, but not their desire and where it comes from. And author Nancy Friday, whose nonfiction books on fantasies became best sellers decades ago, didn't do rigorous scientific research.
在上世纪四五十年代，性学家阿尔弗雷德.金赛(Alfred Kinsey)曾就人类的性行为著书立说，从而一举成名，但他并没有研究人的性欲及其从何而来。作家南希.弗莱迪(Nancy Friday)曾于几十年前写了一本关于性幻想的畅销小说，但并未进行严谨的科学研究。
The findings show that sexual fantasies are influenced by a variety of factors, including demographic background, personality traits and sexual history. They change as we age. And they can say a lot about the health of relationships. "We don't need to act on all, or even any, of the fantasies we have," says Dr. Lehmiller, who has been studying sexual behavior for a decade. "But they can be a road map, pointing to which of our psychological needs are being met and which aren't."
莱赫米勒博士的研究发现，影响性幻想的因素有许多，包括人口背景、个人性格和性史，并且随着我们年龄的增长会呈现出变化。性幻想可以对两性关系的健康程度作出许多解释。“对于性幻想，我们不必全部采取行动，甚至不必采取任何行动，” 拥有十年性行为研究经验的莱赫米勒博士说，“但这些幻想可以做出指引，告诉我们自己哪些心理需求得到了满足，哪些没有。”
Almost everyone who answered Dr. Lehmiller's survey - 97% of participants - said they had sexual fantasies, which he defines as a mental picture you have while awake that arouses you. The vast majority said they had them frequently, between several times a week and several times a day.
莱赫米勒博士对性幻想的定义是在你清醒时浮现在脑海中的、能够刺激你的画面。他的调查对象中几乎所有人（占比达到97%）都表示自己有过性幻想。绝大部分人都说自己经常有性幻想，有的一周几次，有的一天数次。
In his research, Dr. Lehmiller identified seven major themes of sexual fantasies. Almost all participants said they fantasize about the three most-common ones at one time or another: multi-partner sex (including threesomes and group sex); power, control or rough sex (this includes bondage and runs the gamut from being tied up to full-on sadomasochism); and novelty, adventure and variety (encompassing new activities and new settings).
莱赫米勒博士在研究中将性幻想分为七大主题。几乎所有调查对象表示他们曾幻想过三种最常见的场景：多人性行为（包括三人和群体）；强权、控制、粗暴性行为（包括从捆绑到性虐的完整过程）；新奇、冒险和多种玩法（包括新动作和新场景设定）。
The remaining themes, less common but still prevalent, are: taboo and forbidden sex (think voyeurism, fetishes and exhibition); non-monogamy (fantasizing about a sexual partner other than your real-life one); passion and romance (this includes all the emotional elements of sex, such as feeling loved or appreciated, and both men and women have this type of fantasy); and erotic flexibility, specifically homoeroticism and gender-bending.
其他没那么普遍但也并不鲜见的主题包括：禁忌性爱（幻想窥视、恋物和裸露）；多配偶（幻想真实生活之外的性伴侣）；激情与浪漫（包括所有有关性的情感要素，如感到被爱或被欣赏，不论男女都有此类幻想）；以及各式花招，尤其是同性或性转。
Men and women reported fantasizing about different things, although there was more overlap than you might expect, and some surprises. Most of the men said their fantasies included an emotional element - they imagined themselves feeling desired, sexually competent and irresistible. (Women did this, too.) And women were more adventurous than Dr. Lehmiller expected they'd be: They fantasized more about bondage and sadomasochism than men did (in both the submissive and the dominant roles), and they fantasized a lot about group sex (although not as much as men) and new activities.
受调查的男性和女性所幻想的事物各有不同，不过重合面之广或许也会令你意外。大部分男性表示他们的幻想中都含有情感因素-他们想象自己被渴望、大展雄风且令人无法抗拒。（女性也会如此幻想。）女性则比莱赫米勒博士预料中的更为大胆：比起男性，她们会更多地想象捆绑和性虐（施虐和受虐皆有），且她们还经常幻想群交（不过没有男性频繁）以及新玩法。
Men were more likely than women to focus on a specific person in their fantasies. They imagined more taboo topics - Dr. Lehmiller says this may be because they have a more heightened need for excitement than women. And they are more likely than women to fantasize about gender-bending scenarios: cross-dressing, becoming the other sex, having a transgender partner.
与女性相比，男性在幻想中更加倾向于专注某个特定的人。他们会想象更多禁忌主题-莱赫米勒博士表示这或许是因为他们对刺激的需求比女人更强烈。他们还更倾向于想象性别反转场景-如变装、性别反转、性别反转的伴侣。
In a lot of ways, our sexual fantasies are therapeutic, says Dr. Lehmiller. "They are designed to help us cope with what is going on in our lives."
“我们的性幻想在许多方面都能起到治疗作用，” 莱赫米勒博士表示。“它们能帮助调和我们生活中真实发生的事情。”