When the time came for Kathy Peel’s mother and father to consider moving into an assisted-living facility, Ms. Peel tried reasoning with them, citing examples of friends who were happy they had made the move.
凯茜皮尔的父母到了该考虑去老年护理机构的年龄，凯茜试图说服父母前 往，举了几个朋友的例子,说他们挪浪高兴做出了这样的选择。
When that didn’t work, she took a business approach. Ms. Peel and her husband Bill convened a conference at her parents’ kitchen table in Memphis and helped them write a three-page “strategic plan.” Her parents, Morris and Kathryn Weeks — both retired business people in their late 80s — joined in, talking about their goals and helping list dozens of pros and cons1 to staying in their home.
莫里斯?维克斯和凯萨琳维克斯在决定搬到孟菲斯市的老年生活社区前，帮 忙写了“规划书'然而，这并不管用，因此她决定通过职业化的做法来解决。凯茜和她丈夫比尔在田纳西州孟菲斯市父母家的厨房餐桌上开了个家庭会议，帮他们写 一份三页纸的“规划书'凯茜的父母,莫里斯维克斯和凯萨琳维克斯都已年过八 十,退休前都是商人。他们也加入了讨论，谈论自己的生活目标，一起列出居家养老 的优缺点。
Among the pros the family agreed on were the Weeks’ upositive attitude” and desire to share care for each other. But the cons loomed large, including the fact that no family members lived nearby to provide emergency care in a crisis. Ms. Peel had been forced to make 10 trips to Memphis from her home in Dallas in 2009to help her parents with health problems, from her mother’s heart ailment to her father's failure to notice her bout with dehydration2. Ms. Peel printed the plan, and after mulling it for a few weeks, the Weeks agreed to move to a senior-living community in Memphis.
大家一致认为，居家养老的好处在于“保持一种乐观的心态'两人希望能够相 互扶持;但缺点也不小，比如家人都不住在附近,发生紧急情况时无法提供援手等。 2009年，凯茜不得不从达拉斯的家中跑到孟菲斯市十次之多，帮忙照顾生病的父 母，比如母亲的心脏病，以及父亲未能及时注意到的母亲的脱水症状等。凯茜把规 划书列印出来发给大家，经过几个星期的深思熟虑，她父母同意搬去孟菲斯市的老 年生活社区。
It’s an agonizing discussion for adult children: whether elderly parents can no longer live on their own. Some 42% of adults between ages 45 and 65 cite the topic as the most difficult one to discuss with their parents, according to a 2006 survey of 1,000 people by Home Instead Inc., an Omaha, Neb., provider of in-home care. And 31% said their biggest communication obstacle is getting stuck in the parent-child roles of the past.
成年子女往往需要讨论一个令人头疼的问题:年迈的父母能否自己照顾自己？ 2006年，内布拉斯加州奥马哈市养老护理公司对1000人做了一项调查，结果显示， 在45岁到65岁之间的成年人中，有42%表示这是最难和父母沟通的话题，有31%的 人说，他们最大的障碍就是无法跳出父母和孩子的固定角色。
“We take on3 old family rotes,” says Paula Spencer, a senior editor at Caring, com, a caregiving4 website, and a speaker on elder-care issues. “We don’t want to rock the boat. We’re concerned about parents，privacy, worried about the consequences, thinking, ‘Maybe Dad will hate me if I move him to assisted living,"
护理服务网站Caring.com的资深编辑、养老问题演讲者保拉斯班瑟说，“我们 还是在沿袭原先的家庭角色。因为我们不想把事情搞乱，我们担心父母的生活隐私 问题，担心各种各样的后果,心里还顾虑着“如果送爸爸去老年护理机构，他可能会 恨我。”
While many seniors do fine at home, others need long-term care facilities or a home aide. It’s good to start such conversations early, says Paul Hogan, chairman of Omaha-based Home Instead Senior Care, which provides in-home caregivers. A good principle is “the 40-70 rule; if you are 40, or your parents are 70, it’s time to start talking，” he says.
虽然许多老年人在家也可以安度晚年，还是有些老年人需要长期的护理机构 或家庭保姆的协助。奥马哈市高级养老护理公司是一家提供家庭保姆的机构,其董 事长保罗霍根说，与长辈的这种谈话应该早点开始。他说，“40 ~ 70岁是个不错的原则，如果你年届40岁,你父母已经70岁了，就应该开始考虑父母今后的养老问题 了。”
Make time to discuss issues without rushing. Research shows adult children who feel hurried during conversations about their parents changing care needs may tend to push them toward the most efficient option, such as getting more help or moving to an assisted-living facility prematurely, rather than taking the time to encourage them to work on staying independent as long as possible.
找时间跟父母谈谈，但不要过于急切。研究显示,如果成年子女在跟父母谈论 改变养老方式问题时心情过于迫切，那么他们可能会倾向于直接选择最快见效的 方式，比如雇人照顾父母或让父母过早地住进老年护理机构，而不是花时间鼓励父 母在力所能及的情况下独立照顾自己o
About 70% of people over 65 are expected to need some long-term care services at some point in their lives, such as help with dressing or bathing, inhome services from an aide or nurse, or care in an assisted-living facility, according to 2008 federal data. More than 40% will spend time in a nursing home. While the average time seniors need help is three years, 20% are expected to need long-term care services for more than five years.
根据2008年美国联邦政府的数据,65岁以上的老年人有70%将在余生的某个 时候需要一些长期护理服务，如让人帮忙穿衣洗澡，护理人员或护士提供居家服 务，或在老年护理机构生活等。有40%的老人将住进养老院。老年人需要护理服务 的平均时间是三年,其中有20%需要五年以上的长期护理服务。
Take time to assess a senior’s entire situation before jumping to conclusions about their weaknesses or desires, says Jake Harwood, a professor of communication at the University of Arizona, Tucson. A parent whose husband dies may suddenly seem unable to care for herself, failing to clean the house or keep up with bills. But the bereaved5 spouse6 may simply need more contact with friends and social support to get motivated again.
亚利桑那大学的传播学教授杰克哈伍德说,我们要花时间评估一个老人的整 体情况，不要盲目下结论说他们如何无法自理以及需要什么护理服务。失去丈夫的 女性可能会突然看起来无法照顾自己，无法整理家务，无法偿还帐单,但这些丧偶 的老人也许只需要多跟朋友和社会交流就能重新鼓起生活的勇气。
Also, adult children sometimes misunderstand parents’ reluctance to move, says Kenneth Robbins, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin in Madison. “They may resist leaving the house because they think their kids and their grandkids are going to miss the house,” or they fear that a close neighbor will be left alone, says Dr. Robbins, who is also a senior medical editor at Caring.com. Seniors also may fear having to leave cherished belongings behind or being unable to make friends in a new setting. And some see leaving their homes as an acknowledgment of their increasingly frailty7 — and mortality.
Caring.com的资深医学主编、麦迪森州威斯康辛大学临床精神病学教授凯尼 斯罗宾斯说，此外,成年子女有时候会误解父母不愿搬去老年护理机构的原因。他 们拒绝离开家里,可能是因为觉得儿孙辈会想念他们在家的感觉，或担心自己走后 邻居好友会觉得寂寞。老年人也可能不愿意离开自己珍视的一些物品，或担心在新 环境中交不到朋友。有些老人把离开家里去老年护理机构视为自己身体越来越差 甚至将不久于人世的一种体现。
Robin Joy, of San Francisco, says she helped her widowed mother Gail, 77， hire a professional organizer after figuring out that cleaning out the family’s Evanston, III., home of 30 years was an obstacle to her moving. Gail says she put her name on a retirement home’s waiting list, but passed up a couple of opportunities to move in because the need to sort through all the papers and belongings “seemed overwhelming.”
旧金山的罗宾乔伊说，她帮她丧偶的77岁母亲盖尔请了一位整理专家，因为 她发现母亲不愿意去老年护理机构的原因是想把伊利诺斯州埃文斯顿市住了三十 年的房子收拾妥当。盖尔说自己早就报名排队，等待进人一家老年护理中心，但错 过了好几次机会,因为她得把家里“多得都要溢出来”的文件和物品全都整理好。
The organizer has since helped Gail get stacks of papers and stuff under control, and she is planning to move soon.
后来，那位整理专家帮助盖尔将成堆的文件和物品归整清楚,目前盖尔正打算 很快就搬去老年护理中心。
Dementia, of course, raises added issues. People with dementia may “no longer be able to make decisions in their own best interests, and they begin to misinterpret what other people are trying to do for them,” Dr. Robbins says. Seniors with dementia may become paranoid*, depressed, or so confused that “life becomes a minefield9 of dangers,” he says.
当然，老年痴呆症会让事情变得更复杂。罗宾斯博士说，老年痴呆症患者可能 “再也无法做出最有利于自身利益的决定,并开始错误理解别人想为他们做的事 情。”患有痴呆症的老年人会变得偏执多疑、情绪低落或困惑不解,认为“生活变成 了一片充满危险的地雷阵。”
Appealing to a parent’s values can help in such cases. Barbara Meltzer of West Hollywood, Calif., says that when her father died several years ago, her aged mother, who was living in Florida and had dementia, resisted Ms. Meltzer's plea to bring in a home health aide. The aide “would call and say, ‘Your mother sent me home, ” Ms. Meltzer says.
在这种情况下，多从父母的价值观考虑可以起到一些作用。加州西好莱坞的芭色拉梅尔泽说，他父亲几年前去世，年迈的母亲住在佛罗里达州，患有老年痴呆 症,她拒绝了色色拉给她请家庭保姆的请求。保姆会打电话来说“你妈妈又让我回
家了。”
So she turned the conversation with her mother to, “Please do it for me, Mom, because I'm worried about you.” She also mentioned to her mother that allowing the aide to stay helped her by providing a job. “That worked, because my mother was a giver. She was Mother Earth. With her, it was always about helping somebody else，” Ms. Meltzer says.
因此，芭芭拉采取另一种说服策略，她对母亲说:“帮我个忙吧，妈妈,因为我担 心你。”她还对妈妈说，雇家庭保姆是给人提供一份就业机会。芭芭拉说，“这很管 用，因为我妈妈喜欢帮助人,就像大地母亲一样,乐于奉献。”
Eventually, she used the same approach to persuade her mother to move to California to live near her and other family members. “We love you so much and it’ s important to us that you’re here,” Ms. Meltzer says she told her. Her mother lived nearby for several years before dying last year at the age of 93.
最终，芭芭拉用同样的策略说服母亲搬到加州，住在芭芭拉和其他家人的附 近。芭芭拉这样说道’ “我们都很爱你’你跟我们住得近一点，这对我们来说非常重 要。”她母亲在加州住了好几年，2010年去世，享年93岁。
Meanwhile, Kathy Peers parents have moved into Town Village at Audubon Park, an independent senior living community in Memphis. The pros and cons in the plan they compiled with Ms. Peel and her husband have proven true. Ms. Peel travels often to see them, and the Weeks are considering moving again in the future, to Dallas, to make it easier for the Peels to help them out. “They have realized they really do need us,” Ms. Peel says.
与此同时，凯菌皮尔的父母已经搬去Audubon Park的Town Village,那是孟菲 斯市一个独立运营的老年生活社区。他们一家做的利弊分析和规划书起了作用。凯 茜经常去看他们，她父母还考虑将来搬到达拉斯去,这样凯茜过来搭把手就更方便 了.凯茜说,“他们已经意识到，自己还是需要我们这些儿女的。”