this is an actual essay written by a college applicant, when applying to nyu where he now attends.
i am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. i have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. i translate ethnic slurs for cuban refugees, i write award-winning operas, i manage time efficiently. occasionally, i tread water for three days in a row.
i woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, i can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and i cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes. i am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in peru.
using only a hoe and a large glass of water, i once single-handedly defended a small village in the amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. i play bluegrass cello, i was scouted by the mets, i am the subject of numerous documentaries. when i'm bored, i build large suspension bridges in my yard. i enjoy urban hang gliding. on wednesdays, after school, i repair electrical appliances free of charge.
i am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. i don't perspire. i am a private citizen, yet i receive fan mail. i have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. last summer i toured new jersey with a travelingcentrifugal-force demonstration. i bat . 400. my deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. children trust me.
i can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. i once read paradise lost, moby dick, and david copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. i know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. i have performed several covert operations for the cia. i sleep once a week; when i do sleep, i sleep in a chair. while on vacation in canada, i successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. the laws of physics do not apply to me.
i balance, i weave, i dodge, i frolic, and my bills are all paid. on weekends, to let off steam, i participate in full-contact origami. years ago i discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. i have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. i breed prizewinning clams. i have won bullfights in san juan, cliff-diving competitions in sri lanka, and spelling bees at the kremlin. i have played hamlet, i have performed open-heart surgery, and i have spoken with elvis.。
but i have not yet gone to college.
这是一份真实的纽约大学入学申请书。目前，申请人正在纽约大学就读。
我是精力旺盛的家伙——爬墙和砸冰，小菜一碟。我远近闻名，因为有次我利用午休时间，改造了火车站，提高了候车室保温效果。我为古巴难民，逐条翻译，骂人的脏话。我写过歌剧，并且还得了奖。我的工作效率很高。有时，我可以连续三天踩水。
追求女人，我自有一套——英俊的外貌和长号吹奏，如天籁之音。骑车，似杂耍般，速度飞快。做一份布朗尼巧克力饼，别人半个小时，我二十分钟就能搞定。粉刷墙壁，我是行家；谈恋爱，我是老手；在秘鲁，我又是一个亡命之徒。
在亚马逊流域的小村庄里，一把锄头，一大杯水，我孤军奋战，击退了浩浩荡荡的、凶狠的蚂蚁大军。小提琴也玩得很溜。我是无数通缉令的一号男主角，被警方跟踪也在所难免。当我厌烦了，不想跟逗他们玩了，我就在自家院子里拉几根钢索吊桥。我特别钟爱城市的滑翔游戏。通常星期三，放学后，我义务为大家修理电器设备。
我一身数职：抽象派艺术家，具体的分析家，无情的的赌马人。一件自己做的灯芯绒晚礼服，全世界的评论家，无不为之倾倒。我可不跟他们一起发疯，我行事向来低调，虽然我常收到粉丝们的信件。我还做过做过number nine（译注：日本著名服装公司）的接线员。去年，我参加了新泽西的了离心力证明之旅，我可以击400下呢。而灵巧的插花手手艺，有幸赢得圈内薄名。孩子们信赖我。
用网球拍，投掷移动的小东西，准星挺高。一天之内，读完失乐园、白鲸、大卫科波菲尔，剩下的时间，还够我将餐厅，装饰一新。我知道超市里每种食品的确切位置。我为中央情报局做过秘密卧底。一周，我只睡一次。我睡在椅子上。有一次在加拿大度假，一群恐怖分子在抢劫一家面包店，我成功地与他们达成协议。身体极限，在我看来，没有这回事儿。
我心智健全，爱好编织，热衷创新发明，享受生活，没有外债。周末时，为摆脱俗世纠缠，我一心研究纸艺。数年前，我发现了生活的真谛，但是忘了记录。只要有茂利（译注：一种食品加工器）和烤箱，我就能做四道美味无比的主菜。我养的蛤，得过大奖。圣胡安的斗牛比赛，斯里兰卡的攀岩比赛，克里姆林宫的拼写比赛，我赢过。我演过哈姆雷特。我主刀过心脏手术。我还与威尔斯（译注：唱蓝调的南方摇滚巨星）交谈过。
但是，我还没有上过大学。