一位厌食症女孩的康复日记：不要盲目节食减肥

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[00:02.37]45 Diary of an Anorexic	一个厌食症女孩的日记
[00:07.20](By Christy Heitger-Casbon)（译 / 赵娜)
[00:10.15]My Struggle Begins (Ages 12 and 13)	我的减肥之战开始了(12~13岁)
[00:16.36]February 15,1986	・1986年2月15日
[00:20.34]I'm so gross ! I don't know how anyone stands to look at me. 我实在是太胖了！真不知道别人都在用什么样的眼光打量我。
[00:26.39]All the skinny girls in my class get the attention and what do I get? 班里的那些瘦女孩儿个个都抢眼。而我呢？
[00:31.45]I get called a pig! Jason is the worst. 大家都叫我猪！贾森最差劲了，
[00:35.10]I think the reason Jason's comments hurt so much is because I know that is true. 他的话让我特别伤心。我想就是因为他说的确实没错――
[00:42.28]I'm a pig. 我就是一头猪。
[00:43.90]I eat way too often and way too much junk food. 我总是在吃，而且吃了太多的垃圾食品。
[00:48.20]Mom says 110 pounds is fine for being 5 feet 3 inches tall, but I think I'm going to try to lose a few pounds just enough so Jason will stop teasing me.	妈妈说我一米六的个头重99斤（注：1磅≈0.91斤，下文已换算为斤）挺合适的。可我还是想减掉几斤。只要贾森不再取笑我就行。
[01:01.40]April 15	・4月15日
[01:04.61]I'm not doing too bad - six pounds and counting. 我的减肥战果还不赖――已经瘦了5斤半，并且体重还在下降。
[01:08.40]Another six or eight and I might look OK. 如果再减5～7斤，也许我的身材看上去才正常。
[01:12.01]I'd love to lose my thunder thighs. 我真想把一走路就会相撞出声的“象腿”变瘦。
[01:15.36]Jason doesn't call me an "oinker" anymore, but I think that's only because my teacher told him to stop.	贾森不再叫我“小猪”了，不过我认为那是因为老师不让他这么叫的缘故。
[01:22.95]21-May	・5月21日
[01:26.40]I want to learn the caloric content in everything. 我想知道所有东西的卡路里含量。
[01:30.51]I wonder how many calories are in licking a postage stamp. 比如，舔一张邮票的背面会摄入多少卡热量？
[01:35.07]Do vitamins have calories? I know a stick of gum has 10, but if I were to chew gum instead of eating lunch, I'd come out ahead.	维生素含有卡路里吗？我知道一条口香糖含有10卡热量，不过我要是不吃午饭，只嚼口香糖，那样绝对可以瘦更多。
[01:45.54]1-Jun	・6月1日
[01:48.48]I've lost 17 pounds. 我已经减了15斤。
[01:51.57]I think mom's trying to trick me into eating more calories, but I'm the one who's tricking her! 我觉得妈妈开始哄骗我摄取更多的热量，其实，她才被我骗了呢！
[01:58.65]When I get to school, I throw my lunch away. 我一到学校就把午饭扔掉了，
[02:02.48]Then, while my friends scarf down their fat-filled lunches, I spend 30 minutes walking the halls. 于是，当我的朋友们在大口大口吃着富含脂肪的午餐时，我却在走廊里散步半个小时。
[02:10.08]So not only do I resist consuming calories, I actually burn some! I'd love to be all skinny, pretty and tan at the end of the summer. 就这样，我不仅抵制住了摄取热量的诱惑，而且还消耗了一些热量呢！我要在夏天结束前变得骨感又漂亮，并且把皮肤晒成棕褐色。
[02:21.18]All my friends would be blown away !	所有的朋友一定都会为我的样子惊叹！
[02:24.34]15-Jul	・7月15日
[02:27.65]I'm having a hard time getting a tan, because I'm always wrapped in a sweatshirt and blanket. 想要晒成棕褐色很困难，因为我老裹着运动衫和毛毯，
[02:34.68]I'm sick of being cold all of the time. 我总是觉得冷，这真让我烦透了。
[02:38.16]It was 31 degree centigrade today, but I couldn't warm up. 今天的气温有31℃，可我身上就是暖和不起来。
[02:43.25]I'm tired a lot, too, and I'm constantly napping. 我还感觉特别累，老是打瞌睡，
[02:47.58]But at least when I'm asleep, I'm not thinking about food.	不过，至少我睡着的时候不会想吃东西。
[02:51.27]5-Aug	・8月5号
[02:54.84]Today Mom asked me if I knew what anorexia nervosa is. 今天妈妈问我知不知道“神经性厌食症”，
[02:59.65]She and Dad think I have it. 她和爸爸认为我得了厌食症。
[03:01.50]That's crazy. 他们这么想简直就是疯了。
[03:03.60]Yes, I eat less now, but so what? 没错，我现在吃得少了点，可这又有什么不对？
[03:07.35]Why do they have to criticize me for it? 为什么非要为这件事批评我？
[03:10.21]I get good grades. 我努力考出好成绩，
[03:11.58]I try to make them happy. 并设法让他们高兴，
[03:13.64]Why can't they let me have this one thing? Why do they have to control what I eat?	可为什么他们对我仅有的这点自由都要强加干涉？为什么我连吃东西都要受控制？
[03:20.30]24-Aug	・8月24日
[03:23.27]OK. 好吧。
[03:25.06]I wouldn't admit this to Mom and Dad, but I'm scared. 我想我害怕了，虽然我不愿跟爸妈承认这点。
[03:29.26]Today Jason asked what kind of funky lipstick I had on, but I wasn't wearing any. 今天贾森问我涂的是什么稀奇古怪的唇膏，但我什么都没涂。
[03:35.60]He said my lips were completely white. 他说我的嘴唇全白了。
[03:39.18]When I stood up in church to sing a hymn, I blacked out. 在教堂里，当我站起来唱赞美诗时，眼前突然漆黑一片，
[03:43.69]My eyes were open, but all I could see was darkness, and I fell back into the pew.	我的双眼是睁着的，可是却只能看到黑暗，随后，我倒在了身后的长凳上。
[03:50.21]A Slow Recovery (Age 13)	缓慢的康复(13岁)
[03:55.60]August 25,1986	・1986年8月25日
[03:59.03]I'm being admitted into an Indianapolis hospital tomorrow. 明天我就要去印第安纳波利斯的一家医院接受治疗了。
[04:03.77]I'll be missing some school, and it's lonely in the hospital. 我会有一段时间无法上学，在医院里一定很孤单。
[04:07.02]But Dr. Kirby says I have no choice. 不过柯比医生说我别无选择。
[04:10.52]I weigh 73 pounds.	因为，我的体重只有66斤了。
[04:13.58]1-Sep	・9月1日
[04:16.71]I don't like my attending physician, Dr. Richards. 我不喜欢我的主治医师理查兹医生。
[04:20.60]He seems like a head case. 他看起来像个精神病患者。
[04:22.71]He says any one of my major organs could give out at any moment - heart, lungs, kidneys. 理查兹医生说我身体的任何一个主要脏器都随时可能会衰竭――心、肺和肾，
[04:30.13]I thought he was exaggerating , but when he threatened to hook me up to an IV if I didn't gain weight, I figured he meant business.	我觉得他只是在夸大其词罢了。当他威胁说要是我不增加体重就会给我做静脉治疗时，我寻思他是认真的。
[04:39.27]30-Oct	・10月30日
[04:42.85]Right now, I weigh 90 pounds, and it's all I can do to down a couple pieces of pizza. 我现在重81斤了，我能做的就是吃下几片比萨饼。
[04:49.63]I admit, I feel stronger and more energetic than I have in months. 我承认，我感觉比前几个月结实多了，精力更充沛了，头也不晕了。
[04:53.45]I'm not lightheaded now that I eat six small meals a day. 一天进食六次，做到少食多餐，
[04:57.65]And I no longer have to dress in three layers of clothing to stay warm. 我再也不用穿三层衣服来保暖了。
[05:02.18]I guess my body fat is good for something.	看来体内的脂肪还是有用处的。
[05:06.40]19-Nov	・11月19日
[05:08.24]Ninety-two pounds - that sounds pretty scary. ・83斤了――这听起来还挺吓人。
[05:13.06]The scariest will be when I top the big 100. 不过等我胖到90斤那才最吓人呢。
[05:16.31]As long as I gain steadily, Dr. Richards says I don't have to go back to the hospital.	随着我体重的稳步增长，理查兹医生说，我不用返院治疗了。
[05:22.24]Throughout this nightmare, Mom and Dad have been so supportive. 这段经历不啻一场噩梦，妈妈和爸爸一直在支持着我。
[05:27.39]I used to feel like everyone was against me, but now I can see that Mom and Dad are on my side.  过去，我觉得人人都跟我对着干，现在我明白了，妈妈爸爸都是为了我好。
[05:34.07]I knew they always were, but when I was starving myself, I couldn't see things clearly.我知道他们一直心疼我，可当初我却被节食蒙蔽了双眼。
[05:41.00]Oh, guess what. 对了，猜猜怎么了？
[05:42.77]Jason bought me roses as an I'm-proud-of-you type thing. 贾森给我买了玫瑰，表示他为我感到骄傲。
[05:47.26]It's definitely abnormal for a 16-year-old boy to spend $50 on his classmate! But that meant so much to me. 一个16岁的男孩子，为了同学破费50美元，这太不同寻常了！不过这对我来说太重要了。
[05:56.29]Smelling those flowers makes me feel genuinely happy - something I haven't felt in a really long time.	闻着玫瑰花的芬芳，我感到发自内心的幸福――一种久违的感觉。
[06:04.68]26-Nov	・11月26日
[06:08.00]Jill stopped by today, and she said I looked "awesome." 吉尔今天顺路来看我，她说我看上去“漂亮极了”。
[06:11.35]That made me feel good - to know that I could actually gain 20 pounds and still be told I look good. 这话太让我开心了――要知道，我体重增加了18斤，竟然还有人说我漂亮。
[06:18.30]Now I see that being attractive isn't so much about being a low weight - it's about being a healthy weight. 现在我明白了，漂亮并非是体重轻――而是要有健康的体重。
[06:26.07]And that's what I really want - to be healthy and happy!	这也是我真正想要的――健康和快乐！
[06:30.96]Recovery (Age 23)	痊愈(23岁)
[06:35.90]December 6,1996	・1996年12月6日
[06:38.97]Today I stumbled across a horrifying picture taken during the summer of 1986, and a flood of bad memories came rushing back. 今天，我偶然翻到一张1986年夏天的照片，照片上我的样子十分恐怖。
[06:50.07]Mom still gets teary when my anorexic days are mentioned, and Dad recalls the summer and fall of 1986 as the "darkest days" of his life. 顿时，一段段痛苦的回忆如潮水般向我袭来。提到我得厌食症的那段日子，妈妈的眼中仍会泪水涟涟。
[07:01.10]He says that the week before I was admitted into the hospital, he found me on the couch in the living room. 爸爸说，1986年的夏秋是他一生中“最黑暗的日子”。
[07:07.67]As he looked at my frail, skeletal body, a chill shot up his spine. 他说，在我入院前一周，他发现我躺在起居室的沙发上。
[07:13.69]He told me I was lying so still and silent, he put his cheek next to my mouth to feel if I was still breathing. 看着我瘦骨嶙峋的羸弱身躯，他感到一股寒意爬上脊背。爸爸告诉我，当时我躺着，一动不动，悄无声息，他忍不住把脸凑近我的嘴，看我是否仍在呼吸。
[07:21.72]He said I looked dead.	他说，当时我看上去就像死了一般。
[07:23.70]I'll never forget that.	爸爸的话让我永生难忘。

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一位厌食症女孩的康复日记：不要盲目节食减肥