They say youth is wasted on the young. That may be so, but as I’m about to demonstrate, porn is definitely wasted on the old. I’ve got nothing against old people. In fact, I prefer their company to people my own age. But when it comes to seeing old people naked, I’ll take a pass. I’m not sure who watches this stuff, much less why. But somebody must. Why else would they make it? I know this is America (at least for the next few years), so to each his own. But even so, gross.
Please note that as best I can tell, the information I’m presenting is accurate. That being said, I wouldn’t use it as a source for a term paper. And to all the *ssholes who are about to call me out in the comment section for “not doing my research,” good for you. I’m glad your knowledge of old-withered genitals is superior to mine. You win!
And with that, here are 10 porn stars over the age of 50.
Nina Hartley - 51
OK, I know I said a lot of these actors are gross. But Nina Hartley is the exception. I’m not saying she’s preferable to a younger woman, but if I, or more importantly, my girlfriend, looks half as good as her at 51, I’ll be thrilled. Plus, Nina has been around the business forever. She’s also extremely smart and well adjusted, which explains why she hasn’t OD’ed on heroine or driven her car into a pole. So here’s to you, Nina. May you live another 51 years.
But, if you do make it that long, stop doing porn at 55...seriously.
Ron Jeremy - 57
Adding Ron Jeremy to this list is almost pointless. The guy’s a legend, and he looks pretty much the same as he always has, aside from being a little fatter and grayer. Perhaps it’s unfair, but male actors have the edge when it comes to aging, at least since the invention of Viagra. I’m not saying old dudes in pornos aren’t gross, but to me, all dudes in pornos are gross, so I don’t really notice the difference. I’d prefer they weren’t there at all. If only someone could think of a way to make a porno without guys in it. Ah well, a guy can dream.
Dave Cummings - 70
As far as I can tell, David Cummings is the oldest active male Pornstar in the U.S. Good for him. But if he wants to be the oldest in the world, he’s going to need to whack an old Japanese dude. Just to be clear, by "whack" I mean kill. He didn’t start “acting” until he was 55. It sure beats sitting around the Elks lodge or playing shuffleboard.
Rod Fontana - 58
Rod Fontana is in the AVN Hall of Fame. Someday, I hope to visit that place. Unfortunately, Rod retired in 2007, but I’ve included him anyway because he is supposedly now studying to become a priest in the Episcopal Church. Granted, that info comes from Wikipedia, but damn it, I want to believe.
Shigeo Tokuda - 76
Shigeo Tokuda is the oldest porn star I could find. Notice I said “star.” I’m sure somewhere in this sick world there’s an even older senile woman unknowingly turning tricks on a webcam with a man she thinks is Fatty Arbuckle.
Fun fact: Tokuda was born before the start of WWII.
Funner Fact: Bucackee rhymes with Nagasaki...sort of. Whatever, they shot my Grandma's brother.
De’Bella - 54
At age 34, Jewel De’Nyle is already retired from the world of porn. Her 54-year-old mother, De’Bella, didn’t get started until she was 50. To be honest, I think the last time De’Bella performed was 2008, but that’s recent enough to warrant a mention.
In an interview, her husband claimed to be OK with his wife’s career because “She’s doing it for the right reasons.” I suppose wanting to get corn-holed by a bunch of random dudes is as good a reason as any. If only my girlfriend was that understanding…I‘m talking about the sex part, not the dudes…never mind.
Desi Foxx - 50
At the age of 50, Desi Foxx just barley makes the list. And much like Nina Hartley, she’s looking good for her age. Unfortunately, she’ll be the last woman on this list who can make that claim. Here’s a fun fact: Desi has developed a following among African-American porn lovers, as evidenced by her role in last year’s Shorty Iz F*ckin' Yo Mama 4.
Blue Iris - 62
Blue Iris was a porn star and a regular on The Howard Stern Show. Unfortunately, she died last year at the age of 62. But I’ll always remember the good times, like when she accidentally rode the Sybian without an attachment, which means she was basically sitting on a screw. If you don’t know what a Sybian is, just forget I said anything. I wish I could forget.
Bea Cummings - 67
According to a website called plusmilfs.com (don’t go there), Bea Cummings (Any realtion to David Cummings?) is 67-years old. I’m going to trust them on that. They also claim that she recently filmed her first three-some, proving you’re never too old to try something new.
Denise Hardman - 70
According to a site called grandmaaudrey.com (don’t go there) Denise Hardman is "horny and needs a c*** really bad." After watching 20 seconds of her video to grab a screen shot, I need a barf bag and an eyeball scrubbing. One site mistakenly had her age listed as 40. Yeah, maybe in vampire years.