Divvying Up Holiday Meals

For years, my family suffered from post-holiday disappointment. The stress of combining six siblings, their spouses and children seemed to exceed the comfort we took in our togetherness. We made big plans, which led to big letdowns. For almost a decade, after the holidays, my brothers and I sounded like postseason Red Sox fans: "Just wait 'til next year," we said. We never stopped believing we could make a winning Christmas.

Every year, Mom began planning meals and gifts and baking Christmas cookies the day after Thanksgiving and, every year, she was frustrated and exhausted before the last window on the Advent calendar was opened. That tension rubbed off on all of us, putting a damper on the celebration. Our earliest effort to fix the holiday vibe was to take the pressure off Mom. We alternated holiday headquarters from sibling to sibling. She acquired holiday serenity, but the host was always visited by the spirit of Mom's formerly stressed-out holiday self.

It became clear that this was a recipe for resentment. The one who did too much resented the others, and they resented that resentment.

So a few years ago, we began to share the cooking. Potluck holidays helped us recover the joy. Instead of elaborate plans, we moved toward a casual get-together with an all-day buffet, for which we each brought a dish. As if fooled into thinking it was just any other day, the ghosts of Christmases past passed us by.

At first, we missed the grandeur of a formal meal. But we had more fun when we broke it down. Less became more at the holidays: more ease, more cheer, more fun.

Gradually, we began pairing up to cook big dishes -- a roast beef, a cauldron of chowder. Candles, starched linen and a dress code returned. We realized we do like a show -- as long as we divvy up the producing and directing.