TORONTO, ON—As economic woes persist across the country, one Toronto child is scared shitless he won’t get as much unnecessary crap this holiday season as he did last year.
According to the latest predictions, retailers can expect a sharp drop in sales this Christmas. For many companies, the Christmas season accounts for as much as forty-percent of a year’s revenues.
Tristan Hopple, age 6, overheard his parents talking about the nation’s tough economic times on Tuesday night. While he does not know exactly what his parents do for a living, or how they are faring financially, he is quite concerned about his own outlook for the upcoming holidays.
“I hope mommy and daddy have all of their money,” said Hopple. “I don’t want mommy and daddy to lose their money. I need a Power Wheels Dune Racer.”
Last Christmas, Hopple received a Nintendo DS with twelve games, a Trash Pack Trashies Garbage Truck, a Transformers Dark of the Moon MechTech Ultimate Optimus Prime, and thirteen other extraneous items that Hopple took for granted within a few weeks.
“I like Christmas,” said Hopple. “On Christmas I get presents. I get them in the morning, when I wake up.”
According to Hopple, he needs a whole boatload of wasteful, overpriced crap this year in order for it to be a memorable Christmas.
“I want a Nerf Vortex Nitron Blaster, and a Lego Ninjago Lightning Dragon Set, and Animal Planet Remote Control Air Swimmers, and also a lot of surprises.”
Hopple’s parents say they will get him what he wants, because they love him.