I’m of the opinion that people should be required to work in the customer service industry at least once in their lives. Only then will they truly see humanity at its best and worst and become extremely nice customers once the tables are turned.
But with all of the rude patrons and shockingly tasteless behavior at restaurants these days, it seems that not nearly enough people are going through this necessary life training. Somewhere along the way, people forgot their manners, and once-inexcusable acts like phone conversations in restaurants have become commonplace. Somehow, advances in technology seem to coincide with a sharp decline in overall politeness. Although there are some outdated etiquette rules, that doesn’t mean etiquette itself should go retro. We just need an updated set of etiquette rules to adopt—and a few to abandon—when we dine in public.
1. Show up on time for the reservation.
This is the first step in a night of polite restaurant dining. Like with all appointments we make, showing up on time is essential to the entire night’s smooth operation. Just because it’s at a restaurant instead of a doctor’s office doesn’t make the commitment any less important. If you’re running late, calling the restaurant and letting the staff know when they can expect you is the courteous thing to do.
2. Be nice to the server.
It’s amazing how many people out there seem to think they’re renting personal assistants for the night when they go out to eat. The wait staff is there to help you, but please remember they also have many other customers to help and impatience doesn’t change that.
Also, just because this person is bringing you food doesn’t mean you get to yell at him or her when something goes wrong. When I worked in food service, those who were rude or smug without provocation were never given priority. Offering a big smile, saying please and thank you, and treating them like equals instead of second-class citizens—things a surprising number of people fail to do—will get you far.
3. Give up the best seat.
Recently, someone I know shared her annoyance about a friend who constantly takes the best seat—the one not facing the wall or the cushy booth—whenever they go out to eat. I hadn’t thought about it before, but offering the nicer side of the table to a dining companion is a really nice gesture. Old dating etiquette dictates that the man should always give it to his date, but why limit the act by romantic intentions or gender?
4. Keep the cell phone off the table.
The convenience of cell phones has led to people pulling them out in all kinds of inappropriate places (buses, waiting rooms, etc.), and restaurants are no exception. Sometimes we do need to communicate with someone, and in that case, excusing oneself from the table and making the call outside is acceptable, depending on whether it’s a casual outing or a date. Texting at the table, though less distracting, is generally looked down upon as well, particularly if there are only two people at the table. And please, don’t be on your cell phone while a server is trying to take your order. (Believe me, it happens all too often.)
5. Tip the minimum.
Ask a group of people what they consider a decent tip and it’s likely a fight will break out. People get very defensive about their tipping style and depending on where you are in the country (not to mention the world) standards change. According to these servers interviewed for the Chicago Tribute Web site, an expected tip for great service is 20 percent and above; decent service (“kind of grumpy but generally everything came on time”) requires 18 to 20 percent; and bad service starts at 15 percent and decreases.
As someone who has worked for tips in the past, I’m inclined to agree with this breakdown. Some may disagree, but in my experience, anything below 15 percent indicates either poor service or a cheap customer, so it’s best to err on the side of caution when the service is good. Plus, a generous tip can really make a person’s night. If you can afford to eat out, you should be able to leave a decent tip, too.
6. Mind the kids.
There’s a lot of debate around which restaurant venues are appropriate for kids. Parents deserve a meal in places with real tablecloths just as much as those without kids deserve a dinner without screaming toddlers providing a soundtrack. Children will never learn how to behave properly in a restaurant without practice, so introduce them to dining culture at casual, kid-friendly chains, and slowly graduate to restaurants that are more formal. Bringing toys and snacks to distract them is okay at first, but eventually, they need to learn how to sit patiently and quietly like the rest of us.
For the childless out there, when you see youngsters acting up and their parents actually trying to calm them down, try to show a little sympathy instead of glaring at them. If the parents are ignoring the unruly behavior, consider approaching the manager or host calmly and respectfully.
7. Taste the food before reaching for the salt shaker.
Supposedly, eccentric genius Thomas Edison had an odd way of interviewing potential research assistants—he invited them over for dinner and waited to see if they seasoned their soup before trying it, disqualifying those who did. Sounds strange, but he had a point: just assuming a dish will be bland is in poor form and shows a lack of open-mindedness. Taste the dish as the chef meant for it to taste and then decide how to flavor it to your liking.
These are all common sense guidelines that most people should have no problem adopting. Most people associate proper etiquette with stuffy, ridiculous rules of the past, such as “Never order beer as a drink before dinner” or “Butter each bite of bread, not the whole slice.” Old-fashioned standards give etiquette a bad name and deserve to be retired. Ultimately, all the etiquette we need to know could be summed up with one word: respect. Instead of worrying about which fork is for salad or the proper time to order a beer (the answer: anytime!), focus on treating everyone involved (dinner partners, wait staff, fellow patrons, etc.) with respect and an enjoyable restaurant experience is sure to follow.