Michael Moran, the books editor for Times Online, has discovered a book that makes every Jane Doe or Tom, Dick and Harry thank their lucky stars.
We're familiar with the celebrity trend of giving children playful, silly, impractical names on the basis that they'll never have to endure the vicissitudes of a real school or workplace. The first one most of us noticed was probably Zowie Bowie, or perhaps Marc Bolan's little boy Rolan, and probably reached its apotheosis in the wilful christening flightiness evinced by Bob Geldof or Gywneth Paltrow.
Michael Sherrod and Matthew Rayback, the authors of a new book, Bad Baby Names, have looked into a century of US census reports and discovered that the history of weird names is longer, and stranger, than most of us could have possibly imagined…
Here, in ascending order of weirdness, are the 20 strangest:
20: Wanna Funk
19: United States
18: Lotta Bacon
17: Hysteria Johnson
16: Waitress Seholley
15: Nail Rambo
14: Jump Jump
13: Tackle Feigenbutz
12: Mustard M.Mustard
11: Jelly Bean Cook
10: Fat Meat Fields
9: Geography Bryan
8: Zero Pie
7: Cylinder Klinefelter
6: Nice Veal
5: Cylclops Walthour
4: Envy Burger
3: Cancer Grindstaff
2: Young Boozer
1: Dracula Taylor
And, just to demonstrate that not all parents are capricious and michevous come christening time, here are an even dozen names that I’d prefer to plain old Michael Moran:
Peach Skeeters
Watermelon Pete McNeil
Experience Fairweathers
Limbo Holloway
Bluebell Plopper
Beauty Outlaw
Darth Wilson
Christian Devil
Welcome Darling
Sexy Chambers
Love Catts
Permelia Buckaroo