After having given birth to my second child, I really felt this emptiness of not having any girlfriends to call and chat and just share my day with. I see women all around me who say that they speak to their BFF almost on a daily basis, if not numerous times through the day. I always say that I’m not much of a phone person and so I barely keep in touch with anyone. But now with a husband, two kids, and an evening job as a legal secretary, I really have no time. Or do I? I’ll tell you my story first and then put forward my question.
Growing up I was the typical tomboy, I was also very close with my younger brother, so that may explain the tomboy tendencies. I loved to rough house with the guys, climbing trees, touch football, and such. I felt I wasn’t the girly type and couldn’t really relate to the girls in my school or neighborhood. But as I got into my pre-teen years, I started to shy away from my tomboyish tendencies due to my ever increasing curves thanks to good all Puberty. Also, growing up in an Indian household, my father, almost on an hourly basis, would try to discourage me from having any friendships with boys. So to play it safe, I stayed in my room, surrounded by books. I became sort of a bookworm homebody.
As the years went by, almost all my friends were guys, (despite good ol’ dads objections) and I had a handful if not less than a handful of friends that were girls. Even then I just couldn’t get into the whole female friendship dynamics. Though there was one girl I met in junior high school that really is my longest friendship with the female species. She was my best friend for a few years, until we went to college. We went to different schools and started to lose touch.
During high school and college it was great having guy friends who I could talk cars, sports and world events with. Heck, I even dated a few of them. We still remained friends afterwards. During my sophomore year in college, a close guy friend of mine once told me that the guys loved hanging out with me because I could hang out with the guys and still be feminine about it. Not only that, but I have been told (not being conceited here, just stating facts that I was told about me … ) that I am a good friend, always there when needed, rarely judgmental and always there with a smile and a hug. I took it all as a compliment.
Yet with that being said it still bothered me that I couldn’t maintain a female friend for the fact that most of the ones I met could do nothing but talk makeup/fashion/gossip. I was never big on make up and fashion. Not all of them were like that, but the few that weren’t; I still couldn’t maintain the friendship. I later realized that it had a lot to do with my self esteem. I eventually became more comfortable in my skin, but the yearning for a few close girlfriends increased. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I stayed home every night with a book and did absolutely nothing. But it just seemed like if I wasn’t hanging out with the guys, I was doing my own thing. Obviously, seeing a chick flick was out of the question for them, so I would see it on my own. Yet, you could always find us out and about town together.
A few years ago, I reconnected with my lost female best friend. We reconnected but it wasn’t the same. I attended her bridal shower and marriage and saw that she had a lot of close female friends. I realized that she was a lot better at keeping in touch with people than I could ever be. I got married in my late twenties, and had no real girlfriend to speak with on the joys or worries of marriage. We still kept in touch but it was sporadic for the most part.
Now here’s the thing … I’m happily married to my hubby, who is my best friend. I have two wonderful, sometimes crazy, babies. I have a job I’m happy with it, and a body that I’ve come to love. So why is it that I still have this feeling of a missing piece when I think of women out there with a close knit circle of girlfriends that you can call or see anytime for no reason other than to be in each others company?
I feel like it’s my fault because I just don’t or can’t pick up the phone and dial, or meet up with people. A lot of this is due to time constraints on my part, especially now since I’m home with the kids during the day and working at night. One thing I have noticed is that guys aren’t as sensitive if you haven’t kept in constant contact with them as opposed to my female contemporaries. Is it just me, am I not meeting the right kind of girls to form friendships with? Sometimes I feel like its just laziness on my part of not being able to put forward the time for sustaining a friendship. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Good, bad, thoughtful, whatever it is, I could really use some insight into this.