Cheating on your girlfriend is hardly ever a good idea. But if you must, here are 10 reasons why you should.
1. SHE CHEATED ON YOU FIRST
It’s only fitting and proper that you to return the favor. Go out, get hammered, and find a cute girl to take home for the night. Sure, this makes you no better than your cheating girlfriend, but in some instances it has to be done. You can’t just let her walk all over you like that. You have to let her know that you are fully capable of getting it elsewhere too.
2. ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY WITH A CELEBRITY
You’re at a club in NYC. You somehow manage to sneak into Kim Kardashian’s VIP section. You and Kim have a couple of drinks together. You hit it off. She’s giving you the eye and you’re ready to give her the business. You leave the club together to get it crackin’ in her hotel room… This would never happen in a million years, but if it did you’d be crazy not to seal the deal.
3. YOU ARE STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND
Under certain circumstances you have no choice but to cheat on your girlfriend. For instance, Tom Hanks’ character in Castaway would have cheated on his fiancée if there was a decent looking girl stranded on the island with him. You couldn’t possibly go four years deserted on an island with a cute girl without cheating. A man has his needs.
4. YOU ARE STUDYING ABROAD
You are in a different country somewhere in Europe. It would be rude of you not to partake in the culture, including the beautiful women. In order to truly enjoy your study abroad experience you can’t be hung up on your girlfriend, who is thousands of miles away. Live a little bit. If it’s meant to be, you guys will work it out when you get back to the States.
5. SHE IS STUDYING ABROAD
She’s a sociology major and you’re pre-med, which means you have to stay on campus and she can take bullshit classes and study abroad. While she’s across the pond drinking wine and hitting the clubs until sunrise, you should also be having the time of your life. Indulge in drunken revelry and share your bed for a night or two.
6. BETTER NOW THAN WHEN YOU’RE MARRIED
Sometimes people get curious and want to test the waters. Things don’t really get serious until you have a ring on your finger. Might as well step outside your relationship when you’re not married. Once you tie the knot, cheating is a bit more risky. Alimony payments are a killer.
7. YOU SUSPECT SHE’S CHEATING ON YOU
Everyone gets suspicious at some point. Not answering your phone calls or texts? She must be getting it in with some asshole on the other side of campus. If your suspicions persist, then you might want to consider calling up your sure thing. It’s always good to have a dagger to throw at your girlfriend if she was actually cheating on you.
8. SUREFIRE WAY TO BREAK UP
If you are trapped in a monotonous relationship where you are looking to get out but don’t really have any reasonable excuses, cheating on her might do the trick. This will blind-side her and more than likely spell the end of your relationship with her. It’s a grimy move, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
9. YOU’RE ON SPRING BREAK IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY
This is a no-brainer. You’re in Cancun. You’re with your boys. You’re hammered off Four Loko. Girls are running around half naked. They’re drunk too. How could you not cash in? Hopefully you left your integrity at home and lost your moral compass at the airport.
10. BECAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO
No explanation needed.