When a friendship gets tough, who gets going? According to a recent study, it is girls who feel angrier when a friendship collapses.
In a study conducted by Duke University, girls were found to struggle more than boys when an obstacle occurs in a friendship. Girls were more likely to get angry or sad over such problems as telling secrets or breaking promises.
However, girls were found to be just as likely as boys to seek revenge against their friends, verbally abuse their friends, and threaten to end a friendship. The study, which surveyed 267 fourth- and fifth-graders in Providence, R.I. and Granville County, N.C., was led by Duke professor Steven Asher.
“Our finding that girls would be just as vengeful and aggressive toward their friends as the boys is particularly interesting because past research has consistently shown boys to react more negatively following minor conflicts with friends, such as an argument about which game to play next,” said Asher. “It appears that friendship transgressions and conflicts of interest may push different buttons for boys and girls.”
The study also found similarities between boys and girls in terms of broken friendships. Boys and girls both feel more anger and sadness the more they feel their friend tries to control or devalue them. Also, the study found that while anger motivated both genders to abandon a friendship, sadness motivated both genders to fix a friendship.
The study was conducted to help children maintain friendships in a way that makes both sides happy.
“When we try to help children who are struggling in their friendships, we may need to focus on somewhat different issues for boys versus girls,” MacEvoy said. “For girls, it may be critical to help them learn how to better cope when a friend lets them down.”
The findings by Asher and Julie Paquette MacEvoy, a former Duke doctoral student who is now a professor at Boston College, appear to contradict previous research that suggested girls were better at friendships than boys due to more emotional intimacy and better conflict resolution skills.