Have you ever loved someone so much that you feel like you can’t live, breath, or even do your business without him? When even the shortest time—say, a quick trip to the bathroom—apart feels like an eternity? If so, then you’ll be relieved to learn that there are plenty of ways to fend off those harrowing moments of separation. From conjoining toilets to a dual umbrella, we’ve found products to maximize your time together as a couple and bring you closer than you ever thought possible.
Thanks to these handy conjoining mittens, you will never have to choose between love and frostbite again. A set of Smittens includes one pair of single-hand mittens and one oversized Smitten for convenient hand-holding. ($35, Smittens.biz)
TwoDaLoo
Show your significant other your level of commitment by giving up all sense of personal space with these conjoining toilets. Clasp hands over the cold porcelain barrier and stare longingly into each other’s grimacing faces. Many couples already do their business in front of each other, so why not make the moment even more intimate?
The Dualbrella
While squeezing under one umbrella with your significant other can make for an intimate walk, each person only gets mediocre coverage and ends up with a half-soaked body. This six-foot-wide contraption might not win you friends on a busy city street, but it will bring you and your lover closer next time you get caught in the rain. ($19.95, Hammacher Schlemmer)
The Slanket Siamese
After a leisurely Dualbrella-shielded walk home in the rain with your honey, what sounds better than cozying up on the couch with a movie, roaring fire, and a Slanket? The Slanket Siamese is a two-person blanket with a grammatically incorrect name and two sets of sleeves. Now you can clink wine glasses without so much as an arm being exposed to the outside elements of your living room. ($39.99, TheSlanket.com)
Fundies
The greatest underwear-themed invention since Handerpants, these knickers for two are essentially a ginormous pair of tighty-whities with four leg holes. As the tagline suggests, “Half the fun is getting in them, the other half’s up to you.” These are great for sharing a weird, yet intimate moment with your lover, but also a great accessory for a potato sack–type race. ($11.99, Amazon.com)
Sexy Hotness Sleeping Bag
If you’re looking to have a romp in the woods, investing in this thermal-insulated sack of love is a must. Thanks to the centrally located zippers, specifically designed for easy access to erogenous zones, you and your cuddle buddy can get down and dirty, quite literally, in the great outdoors. ($149, Alitedesigns.com)
“From My Heart to Yours” Valentine’s Pillowcase
This pillowcase, complete with a cute stick-figure love scene, encourages sleeping forehead to forehead with your sweetheart (because you can’t do that with two normal pillows). Only downside: you can’t flip the pillow to the cold side whenever want. ($32, Amazon.com)