I was at brunch with my girlfriends this past weekend when we spotted a beautiful, newly-in-love couple. They were sitting across from each other holding hands and staring adoringly into each other’s eyes. He leaned over and whispered something into her ear … she giggled and scooted closer. His hands started wandering … she tilted her face in; before we could swallow our Eggs Benedict, they were swapping saliva and grabbing each other’s unmentionables. I felt like I was watching a particularly graphic and bloody open-heart surgery on Grey’s Anatomy.
Do I pretend it’s not happening? Do I sit and stare? Should I have yelled, “Get a room!”? Needless to say, brunch conversation turned from pancakes and bacon to public displays of affection, commonly called PDA. When it comes to showing your partner some public lovin’ what’s too much?
Cross-Continental Kissing
While the term “PDA” is considered an American expression, every culture has written and unwritten laws governing what’s acceptable and what’s not when it comes to smooching. In European and Latin American nations, PDA is common—especially among the younger generations. Head to El Parque Gran Retiro in Madrid, Spain or El Plaza Dorrego in Buenos Aires, Argentina any Sunday of the year and you’ll always find dozens of randy couples publicly locked in tender embraces. In these and other parts of the world, it’s customary for young adults to live with their parents until marriage, making it hard to find a place to get some nookie. Their cultures have consequently evolved to a place where young couples in love (or lust) showing affection is a societal norm.
On the flip side, in India, the Supreme Court has deemed PDA unacceptable. Indian citizens are subject to fines and convictions if they’re caught being affectionate in public. When Richard Gere planted a public peck on Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty’s cheek, he was the victim of harsh criticism and ridicule by the Indian government and society. Similarly, in Indonesia, kissing in public is outlawed and a punishable crime. Most Arab nations permit very little—if any—affection in public. More intimate touching can lead to being jailed for indecent exposure. In South Africa, PDA is outlawed for citizens under the age of sixteen. This controversial ruling started a rebellion among young South Africans. Groups of adolescent citizens gathered in public places across the country to engage in kiss-a-thons displaying their dissidence.
Stateside Smooching
Compared to other countries, the United States is more relaxed about PDA. However, there’s still a societal stigma attached to anything much beyond hand holding or a quick kiss. President Obama and First Lady Michelle’s open displays of love have ushered in a new era of what’s acceptable. The first couple is clearly comfortable getting cozy in front of the camera. Still, their openly loving relationship has not gone without controversy and commenting, showing that the United States is not entirely comfortable with seeing acts of affection.
For the past twenty years, school districts have administered rules on what’s acceptable regarding student-to-student contact. In 1999, the United States Supreme Court ruled that schools must create environments free of sexual harassment. This ruling led many administrations to create “no contact” rulings on school campuses; some to the extent of banning something as innocent as a high-five. Consequently, in 2007, middle-schooler Megan Coulter from Illinois was at the eye of a media hurricane after receiving multiple detentions for hugging her friends. Adamant that her PDA was appropriate and acceptable, Coulter’s story sparked a great deal of controversy and begged the question, is hugging in public a punishable offense?
It can be hard to discern what’s acceptable in public and what should strictly be reserved for the bedroom. In order to steer clear of scaring, embarrassing, or grossing out those around you, a word or two of advice:
What’s Hot:
Hand Holding
Grabbing your partner’s hand or locking arms to show your affection is acceptable in nearly every public setting.
Kissing, Sans the Tongue
A quick smooch on the lips or cheek is fine in public places. Makeout sessions or open-mouthed smackeroos are usually frowned upon. Also, beware of where you are before you pucker up; kissing to say hi at dinner is fine, but kissing when you pay a visit to your partner at work is not as kosher.
What’s Not:
“I love you, Pookie!”
Every couple has pet names that they use in private. Taking these or those three little words (hint, one starts with the letter “L”) public may make others uncomfortable. Plus, it’s nice to keep some things just between the two of you.
Neck Bites
Unless you’re a vampire, avoid any mouth contact below the face. Hickeys are never in style—nor is the act of giving one in public. Neck kisses are a very intimate and sexual act that should be reserved for the bedroom (or whatever room you prefer).
Below-the-Belt Grabbing
Bum-smacks and crotch grabs are definitive no-nos. The only time these are mildly acceptable in public are very late at night in very dark bars after a very large amount of alcohol.
When discerning what’s acceptable and what’s not, ask yourself, “Would I do this in front of my mom?” If the answer is no, then you should also opt not to do it in front of your grocery checker or Starbucks barista. People generally only scrunch their noses at anything that resembles the acts of foreplay or intimacy; a goodbye kiss, supportive hug, or slow dance is far from intercourse. Take a cue from Barack and Michelle; a normal display of affection for your partner is healthy—groping, grabbing, or anything that resembles lovemaking is not.