We asked an actual bridesmaid how to make sure there’s a sea-foam green taffeta dress on the floor of your hotel room after the wedding.
The only obstacle between you and spending your buddy’s wedding night with a bridesmaid — or any other single woman at the wedding, really — should be her Spanx. (Yes, she’s wearing them. Even if she’s skinny.) Why do I say that? Just look at the facts:
1. One of her best friends is getting married.
2. She’s not.
3. There’s an open bar.
I can’t think of a better recipe for a one-night stand. That’s why all you need is some insider knowledge from a chick in order to hook up with a bridesmaid. And I just so happen to have it for you …
1. ATTEND THE CEREMONY
It’s been my experience that a lot of guys just skip this part of the wedding altogether — especially if they’re single and aren’t dragged there by their ladies. But attending can give you a great bridesmaid-seducing head start. (Besides, you owe it to your friend to go — he’s only going to get married once-ish in his life.) During the post-ceremony mingling, happen to be standing next to the woman you want to hook up with and say something like, “You definitely were the best stander of all the bridesmaids.” Introduce yourself, chat — she’s going to be busy, so be brief — and manage to make a bet with her. Like which groomsman will get the drunkest, whether or not the DJ will play “Single Ladies,” or if the bride will cry during the speeches. It’ll give you a reason to catch up with her later at the reception.
2. DANCE WITH A GRANDMA
Trust me, this works. It lets your potential hookup know that you’re available (Why the hell else would you be dancing with Memaw?), and it triggers a weird biological response in women; if we see an available man twirling an old lady at a wedding, we picture what it’d be like to marry him. Don’t freak — that’s a good thing. If she can imagine your wedding, she can imagine sleeping with you. And imagining is half the battle.
3. KNOW WHEN SHE’S GOING TO HEAD TO THE BAR
When you hear the DJ use phrases like “This one’s for all the couples out there!” or “We’re going to slow things down here,” that’s your cue to get a drink. Because at that moment every unattached woman will make a beeline for the bar or the bathroom. Waiting inside the ladies’ room would not go over well, so I suggest you go with the bar. Order your future bedfellow a drink, leave the bartender a finski (classy!), and ask her how her duties are going. Most bridesmaids are secretly looking for an opportunity to vent. Give her one, throw in a few understanding looks, and you’ll score major points.
4. BRING A NICE CAMERA
This one’s a little out there, but I’ve seen it work so well that I suspect Nikon means “panty-dropper” in Japanese. Women love looking good on Facebook, and high-end cameras take awesomely flattering photos. Yes, the wedding photographer will also take awesomely flattering photos, but those may not be available for weeks. You, on the other hand, can get her the photos in a day or two. I’m not saying you should bring a ginormous mega-zoom lens, but you could borrow a friend’s top-of-the-line point-and-shoot or DLSR. Take some shots of the party atmosphere when she’s nearby, show her a few that she’s in, and say, “These came out great!” I have seen women pose repeatedly for the guy with the nice camera, then spend the rest of the evening saddled up next to him, looking over his shoulder at the shots.
5. MAKE HER NOT FEEL LIKE A SLUT
Women and our morals! Right? Actually, her reluctance to go back to your room is probably more about the fact that she just witnessed something extremely romantic and isn’t exactly eager to follow it up by boning some dude wearing awful dress shoes. (Seriously, wtf?) So you need to trick your bridesmaid into feeling like there’s the possibility of a future together — even if that future is tomorrow, sitting next to each other at the post-wedding brunch. So offer to email her those photos and suggest you help each other deal with your hangovers at brunch the following day.