It’s bad enough that Woods couldn’t control his putter—now his "road women" have Tiger by the tail (and the wallet).
The sudden revelation that golf’s shining star is not nearly as cleancut as we were led to believe has left his female fans bitterly disappointed. But perhaps the saddest aspect of this whole shabby escapade is that Tiger Woods has fallen so easily into that classic male sand trap--uh, sex trap--of marrying high, cheating low.
Once labeled the madonna-whore complex, this is behavior we’ve witnessed countless times before. Among the more notable recent examples:
Bill Clinton, raised in near-squalor and violence, marries “up,” winning a well-mannered, well-educated, middle- class lawyer as his bride. Next thing you know, he’s cavorting with “actress/model” Gennifer Flowers and accepting the sexual favors of an intern who, despite her cushy background, clearly left her brain cells in that pizza box.
Eliot Spitzer, hard-charging New York crime buster, marries the elegant, Baptist-reared corporate lawyer Silda—and ends up as Client 9 in a hotel room with Ashley Dupree, a hooker only four years older than the Spitzers' eldest daughter.
Former U.S. senator and onetime presidential hopeful John Edwards flaunts his longtime union with the beautiful and accomplished lawyer Elizabeth (hmm…are we seeing a pattern here?), then reveals he has fathered a child with a onetime party girl turned campaign videographer Rielle Hunter. That his wife was battling breast cancer only makes the story grimmer.
Can Tiger top those guys? Well, he’s trying.
After years with Joanna Jagoda, a UCLA law student, he marries Elin Nordegren, a beautiful model and nanny who at one point planned to become a child psychologist. The child of wealthy Swedish parents with professional pedigrees—Mom is a politician, Dad a journalist—she has shunned the spotlight and, by all accounts, was reluctant to get involved with a celebrity to begin with. (Whichever friend talked her into that first date has presumably been erased from Nordegren's cell phone.)
Now, five years and two kids into their marriage, and following a bizarre collision with a fire hydrant at the end of his driveway, Woods is first linked to Rachel Uchitel, a woman whose job responsibilities seems to include luring boldface names into shady spaces. Denying involvement with Woods, Uchitel offered this excuse for her proximity to the golf-swinging star: “I am around celebrities and very rich people all the time…It’s my job. I work in the nightclub industry.” In an admirable attempt at perfect clarity, she also
told the New York Post, "Everybody thinks I'm just a celebrity f---er," whereas in truth, "I'm a recluse. I don't go out. I stay at home with my dogs and friends." (If you're trying to reconcile working in the nightclub industry with staying home with the dog every night, stop furrowing your cerebral cortex. Jump cut to the present: Uchitel has scheduled a press conference for today, and sources say she is planning to allege an affair and provide proof. UPDATE: Uchitel cancelled the press conference, amid rumors that she was negotiating a payoff with Team Tiger.)
A few news cycles pass—during which time Tiger tells us he is “human” and “not perfect”—and two more women climb out of the clubs, one wielding 300 indiscreet text messages from the star. Cocktail waitress Jaimee Grubbs, 24 (Mrs. Woods, mind you, is an over-the-hill 28), claims a 31-month liaison with the golfer, and a background as—surprise!—a reality show star.
Right. Hooking up with a woman whose job it is to attract attention--good thinking, Tiger!
After months of texting Grubbs such requests as “Send me something very naughty…Go to the bathroom and take [a picture],” Woods panicked last week, leaving a voicemail for his side dish, asking “Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you.”
If he was trying for discretion, Woods did not sink the putt. Within hours, his voicemail was posted on the US magazine Web site.
Health Top Tips Nutrition Love Lifestyle Happiness Weight LossAnd another of his alleged mistresses, one Kalika Moquin, added fuel to the developing fire by stating only, “It’s not appropriate for me to comment one way or the other.” Her place of work: Vegas, baby.
Tiger Woods may believe, per a recent statement, that "no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake, which is the right to some simple human measure of privacy" and that he'll deal with his "personal sins" out of the public eye. But how naive can he be? The fact is, when you are an international billionaire celebrity, what happens in your private life does not stay in your private life. Not, at least, if you choose as extramarital companions the kind of woman you would not, did not, marry, the kind who--oh, I don’t know, would sell you out in a heartbeat? As Rob Bartlett said on the Imus in the Morning radio show, about the sexting evidence, "Who keeps these things for posterity? They keep them for prosperity."
That's the thing about the madonna/whore dichotomy: Some men may think it's just common sense to have one kind of woman as a wife and another as a sex partner (never mind that this insults your wife and trivializes her own sexuality--if Tiger wants to confess to "personal sins," put that one at the top of the list)...but when your mistress is so obviously on the make, even a superstar is just one guy in a whole line of bidders.
And now, if an exclusive report on dailybeast.com proves true, it looks as if Tiger will have to pony up to both ends of his sexual spectrum: According to author Gerald Posner, Woods is making an immediate $5 million payment to his wife and revising their prenup to her considerable advantage, making this what Posner calls "the most expensive 'stand by your man' stand ever." Sorry, Tiger, but in the superstar league you love so well, all this is just par for the course.