9 Signs You Shouldn’t Have Kids (at Least Right Now)
ARE YOU REALLY READY TO BE A PARENT, OR SHOULD YOU STICK WITH A HOUSEPLANT? FIND OUT BEFORE YOU TTC.
1. You’re an awful aunt.
You know the names of every band member in The Killers and can recite the Vogue masthead in your sleep. However, your niece is 7 and her name is Emily—and you insist on calling her Emma—and sincerely think that’s her name. She decided to just go along with it. Red flag.
2. You’re completely broke.
You and your husband are 7K in credit card debt (thanks to your shoe addiction and his “necessary” 60-inch flat screen for the coveted man cave). Not to mention, you just borrowed some 911 money from your dad to make this month’s mortgage payment. Baby equals diapers, daycare and basically a good $250,000 in expenses by the time your kid turns 18 and you send him off to college. Check yourself, before you wreck yourself.
3. You’re a jet-setter.
Your friends call you a bird because you and your man love to fly away on a whim and have the means to do it! I’ll let you in on a little secret: A spontaneous trip to Miami for a long-weekend is out of the question once your baby arrives. It’s more like a spontaneous trip to the 24-hour drug store because you ran out of diapers and nipple cream. Again.
4. You flush fish…a lot.
You can’t remember to feed your Beta fish a measly flake every other day. You’re on your seventh Beta Fish. Enough said.
5. You’re super-squeamish.
Remember that recent GNO when your “fun, single friend” drank a little too much and puked and you started gagging and abandoned your hair-holding duties? Babies spit-up a lot. In fact, there are a lot of bodily fluids involved in raising a child. Might wanna try potty-training a puppy first.
6. You’re the worst babysitter. Ever.
Your girlfriend asked you to baby-sit her charming preschooler. You came home with Play-Doh in your hair, glitter down your bra and a first-degree burn when you went to drain the noodles for the “easy” mac ‘n cheese. You called in to work the next day to recoup.
7. You love to sleep.
Nothing pleases you more than cuddling up with your husband on a Friday night and watching a movie after a long workweek. You’re both asleep before midnight and rise around 10 a.m. to make espresso and lounge around. Newborns wake up every two-hours. And take it from me: five-year-olds think starting the day at 5:30 AM is normal … on a Sunday.
8. Your relationship is a mess.
Newborns put even the strongest marriages to the test—imagine what a colicky baby could do to your shaky relationship? From the sleep deprivation to the stress of major responsibility 24-7, trust me, parenthood is not a fix for your troubled marriage.
9. You’re a workaholic.
From a sudden bout of the stomach flu (he got it and now so do you) to the Mother’s Day breakfast at school, there will be times when work has to take a backseat to parenthood. Make sure that you’re ready to do that juggling act before you have no choice.
-- Christine Coppa is the author of Rattled! (Broadway Books, 2009), a memoir about starting her journey as a single mom.