I’m not particularly proud to say that I’ve learned valuable lessons while watching women gyrate on stage in front of a bunch of men. Part of me thinks that instead of enjoying the show, I should have been holding a postmodern feminist seminar from the cabaret table I sat at. With champagne in one hand and crisp dollar bills in the other, a private battle was being waged in my head: Oh, this is good. Look what strength and agency these women are showing, one side of my brain said. But you’re just taking part in the male gaze. There is nothing empowering here. It’s all the same oppressive hetero-normative ideology that’s keeping this society stagnant, the other offered in rebuttal.
How happy are you that you’re not in my head all day?! But the truth is that I really enjoy strip clubs—the nice ones. Not all strip clubs are created equal, so it pays to do some research before going. But on the classier end of strip-club spectrum, the women are beautiful, not to mention talented, and the atmosphere isn’t the chauvinistic space you’d think. Sure there are troubling things about strip clubs and what the performance represents, but it’s also fun and sexy. And there are real reasons why women should visit a strip club at least once.
You’ll see that men truly love all women’s bodies.
I’ve read this line countless times; I’ve written it countless times; I’ve said it to myself and to my girlfriends, but you know what hammered the point home for me? Seeing women who defied the rail-thin Hollywood ideal working it on stage and garnering just as much applause and money as anyone else, if not more. Just like in real life, there are all types of womanly bodies in strip clubs and all types of men who are into whatever is in front of them. There wasn’t an ounce of self-consciousness when one woman with a soft belly and round hips spun down the pole upside down. And even if there was a guy who was biding his time until a waif took to the stage, there were plenty others who were thrilled with the form in front of them. Men love all types of women’s bodies. We’ll keep saying this truth, but perhaps it will hit home if you see for yourself.
You’ll find men really like to look at vaginas.
I only go to topless strip clubs because I like my live nudes with alcohol and here in California, you can’t have complete nudity and serve booze. So that’s a real deal breaker for me. But I’ve heard at the fully nude strip clubs, men pay big bucks to have vaginas inches away from their eyes—and they’re not even liquored up! Many women say they think their vagina is ugly, even to the point of feeling uncomfortable when a guy is in the area. If women knew how much men wanted to see a vagina, we’d probably feel a lot less self-conscious about our lady parts.
You’ll see dominant women.
Codes of conduct seem much more regimented in the strip club space than they do at say, just about any nightclub. And as a result, the men are usually less aggressive. While the women can touch and be dominant with abandon, the men are relegated to their seats ruled by the hands-off mandate unless expressly led by one of the women. It’s clear who’s in charge. Sure, that balance of power is partly held together by the beefy bouncer who lurks nearby, ready to grab someone by the scruff of his neck should he get out of line. But it’s a scene worth seeing, however contrived it might be.
You’ll make friends.
I got my first lap dance at Sapphire in Vegas after my friend Kate and I won big at the black jack tables and went looking for a quintessential Vegas experience. We settled on drinking champagne in Vegas’s classiest stripping establishment and pretending we were in that scene from 21 when they spend their card-counting wins. Upon settling at a table in the middle, we were swarmed with strippers, each eager to give us our first lap dances ever. Many sat our table, chatting with us about what kind of bra they were wearing, the pains of having to shave their legs so regularly, and how they get their skin so soft. We were clearly the most popular people in the entire place, and the envy of a bachelor party nearby.
You could score yourself some free moves.
Later I found Kate in the bathroom (where the strippers hang out on break) getting a hands-on tutorial from four ladies on how to shake her ass. “More isolation!” one woman encouraged, placing her hands on Kate’s butt. Considering stripping-inspired dance classes now run upwards of $20 per class, her champagne practically paid for itself.