About to text someone a raunchy message? Save time by consulting this handy dictionary of sexting acronyms for adults
My favourite thing about sexting (the concept, not the act, how gauche) isnot the glorious fizzof tension in the air when you see youths grinning at their phones, or even the terrific horror stories aboutmissent messages, a hundredlost penises floating unmanned above Rhyl. It's the codes. The acronyms, the emoticons, the secret ciphers used by teenagers to point toobscenities. An American newspaper recently decoded them for their older readers, and I learned a lot. PiRmeans "parent in room". GYPO: "get your pants off". GNOC: "get naked on camera". That sort of thing. IWSN: "I want sexnow".
But why, I thought, should those adolescent sacks of lust have all the fun? Grown-ups in long-term relationships have sex, too. Admittedly it's probably a bit slower. A bit less IWSN, and they're often thePiR. It's sometimes slightly "TV on in the background so you don't miss theX Factorresults". Quite "50 Shades of Grayson Perry on 4OD". But that's no reason to lose the codes. For reference, here's a grown-up sexting dictionary. You're welcome.
-->Ov8n
Come home, I'm ovulating
2muchF<uprn
too much effort compared with YouPorn
sv11f&b
shaved whole legs, front and back
O
Ocado!
IIYX
imagine I'm your ex-wife
2fr
you've gone too far
BBC4
are you too knackered for sex tonight?
BBC4HD
do me in my sleep
RBS
screw me like a banker
GoT
let's playGame of Thrones
NiB
Newsnight in bed?
TC300
300 thread count sheets just washed
Calpol
I've drugged the kids
FTF
feeling too fat
CSO
"Community Support Officer" (naked under my Hi-Vis vest)PPU
prostate playing up
NWIP
next week I promise
EEE
everyone else enjoys it
TYSOS
take your Spanx off slowly
K
doing my kegels
DASR
dress as Susanna Reid
OSWDABS
or shall we do a box set?
:-X
mute the baby monitor
TBITBV
that bit in the Beyoncé video
BTTS
but the therapist said
RMLSFV
ride me like a street food van
XIRFNF
sexual favours in return for night feed
NCT3
threesome with the NCT mum?
MRP
MasterChefrole play
WMB
waxed my back
QBR
quickie by the recycling bins
<3(*)/(*)
love you when you don't leave your bike in the hall
LGFB
let's go full Boden
TMUP
tie me up with a pashmina
IWSN
I want to spoon now
:-0
is it organic?
NMT
no moisturising mitts tonight
SA
spank me with an Amis