Let's face it: for the most part, work sucks. Unless you're lucky enough to nab a really cool job, like astronaut or gaming site editor, the long, daily grind isn't particularly fun. But for some reason, when these boring jobs are translated into games, they become much more appealing. And as these 10 examples show, even the most uninteresting occupation can be made palatable with the addition of a few pixels and polygons.
In the real world: Is there a more despised profession than that of a lawyer? Aside from those who club puppies for a living, lawyers are probably the most hated professionals on the planet. Doubly so for defense attorneys. They're universally reviled for their ability to protect seemingly guilty people from going to jail, while making plenty of money doing it. And not only are they hated, but it also seems like a downright boring job. Long hours spent arguing in court, late nights pouring over law textbooks, and an entire career of being mocked and hated by pretty much everyone. Not exactly prime video game material.
In videogames: Somehow, the Phoenix Wright trilogy is able to make us both love a defense attorney and respect his profession. A large part of this is due to the goofy cases and over-the-top characters, which make the game much more lighthearted than a real-world legal drama. But most of it is due to Phoenix himself. He's honest, funny, and a perpetual underdog, so you're constantly cheering for him. And unlike the common perception of defense attorneys, Phoenix always seems to be on the side of right. He does what he thinks is best, instead of what pays most, something the shabby Wright & Co offices can attest to.
Plus, the games make being a defense attorney both fun and exciting. Not only do you get to search crime scenes for evidence and take down evil criminals, but you're also constantly followed by an assortment of cute psychic girls. Aside from occasionally getting whipped by a prosecutor or having coffee spat on you, it seems like a pretty sweet gig.
In the real world: The thing about farming is that it's hard work. Like, really hard. You have to get up early, work long hours filled with physically demanding labor, and your only reward is a few measly vegetables. It's dirty, tiring, and not exactly the most exciting occupation. And did we mention it's hard work?
Above: Being at the mercy of fluctuations in the sheep-egg market is no picnic, either
In videogames: The Harvest Moon series does a good job of mimicking the agricultural life of a farmer: you'll plant and water crops, tend to your fields, and eventually harvest some nice vegetables, which you can then sell for a profit. But there are two major differences that make the game equivalent much more enjoyable. First, it takes much less time for crops to grow. Think a few hours or days instead of weeks or months. And second, it's not so damn hard. Moving an analog stick and pushing a few buttons isn't quite the arduous task that actual farming is. Far from it, in fact.
For an added dose of fun, the Rune Factory spin-off series lets you battle evil monsters and explore secret caves as well. There's nothing like smacking some orcs with an axe on your way to water a nice patch of strawberries. How's that for multi-tasking?
In the real world: Gardening is similar to farming in many respects: you get down in the dirt, raise seeds into plants, and then enjoy your meager accomplishments. The main difference is that gardening is almost completely useless. While difficult, farming at least produces something of value (i.e. food), whereas gardening gives us nothing more than some pretty flowers to look at.
Above: USELESS
In videogames: Of course, gardening could always be made more fun if the stuff you planted actually did something. Like defend against wave after wave of zombies, for instance. Plants vs Zombies takes your green thumb and turns it into a trigger finger, giving you a variety of different flora each capable of laying waste to the undead. Some fire peas like a machine gun, while others turn the deceptively dangerous potato into a land mine.
And the sheer variety of zombies will put your agrarian skills to the test. You'll have to have a strong knowledge of the plants at your disposal in order to defend against, say, a pole-vaulting zombie. Or one driving a Zamboni. Or one that enjoys bungee jumping. PvZ makes gardening both fun and useful.
In the real world: What does a scientist do all day? As normal people without degrees in astrophysics, we're not entirely sure. It most likely involves lots of test tubes, lab coats, microscopes, and brightly colored liquids. But what we are sure of is that it isn't very exciting. And a crowbar is very rarely ever needed.
Above: This is pretty much all scientists do, right?
In videogames: Enter Gordon Freeman. As a theoretical physicist, the star of the Half-Life games makes scientists look like total badasses. He’s fought against evil alien invaders using one of the coolest weapons ever, the gravity gun, but sometimes all he needs is a good, solid crowbar. Even more impressive, he's been able to get close to one of gaming's greatest leading ladies, Alyx Vance, without saying a damn word.
He's a symbol of hope to geeks everywhere. Beneath those nerdy frames is a guy who can kick some ass, get the girl, and do whatever it is that a theoretical physicist actually does. Now that is a triple threat.
In the real world: Let's face it, taxi drivers are almost universally insane. They drive fast and reckless and are often more concerned with regaling their passengers with boring stories than keeping their eyes on the road. Couple this with long hours and stingy pay, and you have a less-than-ideal occupation. And despite what the TV series Taxi may have taught us, hilarious foreign mechanics are few and far between.
In videogames: Thankfully, driving fast and reckless makes for a good game. Case in point: Crazy Taxi. Sega's arcade-style series rewards players for getting passengers from one point to another as fast as possible. You even get bonus tips for pulling off crazy tricks and stunts, something that would earn most cabbies a good deal of extra cash in the real world, assuming all passengers emptied their wallets in a desperate attempt to stop the cab.
The Crazy Taxi universe is also, unsurprisingly, a great place to be a cab driver, as the inhabitants seem to take cabs everywhere, whether it's to pick up some KFC or to grab a new pair of jeans at Levi's.
In the real world: If Dog the Bounty Hunter has taught us nothing else, it's that being a bounty hunter is nowhere near as exciting as it sounds. For the most part, it seems to involve long drives in black SUVs, lots of bear mace, and little else. Not quite as cool as Boba Fett made it look, and with nary a jetpack to be found.
Above: Oh man, those sure are some menacing court documents
In videogames: A former Galactic Federation Police dropout, Samus Aran now makes her living as an intergalactic bounty hunter. The star of the Metroid series has access to a much cooler arsenal of bounty-hunting tools than her Hawaiian counterpart, including a killer power suit complete with a gun arm and the ability to morph into a ball. Plus, her iconic gunship is much more intimidating to would-be criminals than a souped up Ford Explorer.
And she needs all that gear, because Samus is also tasked with taking down much more challenging foes than, say, a small-time drug dealer who won't show up in court. From space pirates to the titular energy-sucking metroids, Ms. Aran certainly has her hands full. Which is why we can forgive the occasional blown-up space station or planet, a recurring problem on Samus' various missions.
In the real world: For most of us, school isn't particularly fun. And being a doctor takes nearly a decade of higher education. That's 10 years spent pouring over medical texts, memorizing illnesses and symptoms, and, hopefully, the cures as well. And that's just school. Once you actually make it to a hospital your sleepless days and nights will be filled with dealing with sick people on the worst day of their lives. Sound fun?
Above: Not as fun as a malpractice suit!
In videogames: Thankfully, things are much more simple in the world of Dr. Mario. All you need to know is this: red pills kill red germs, blue pills kill blue germs, and yellow pills kill yellow germs. Pretty simple, right? You also don't have to worry about dealing with people at all since, for some reason, all of their germs are contained nice and neatly in a glass jar. All you have to do is apply the right dosage of pills, and they simply disappear.
In the real world: Stacking boxes. Working an assembly line. The list of menial tasks a factory worker has to perform on a daily basis is as long as it is boring. These things are tedious, repetitive, and, when coupled with a drab working environment, can be downright depressing. If anything, these kinds of jobs are why we have escapism like videogames in the first place.
In videogames: In the Nintendo DSiWare title Art Style: Boxlife the tedium of factory work masquerades as a puzzle game. The goal is to fold cardboard boxes within a certain time limit. Your progress is recorded via business-style charts and you're rewarded with upgrades to your tiny home. Eventually you can move your way on up from a part-timer to a specialist. Like its real-world equivalent, the premise of Boxlife sounds painfully boring, but thanks to the clever puzzle mechanic is actually incredibly addicting.
And in Rhythm Heaven, factory work actually gets musical. The very first mini-game in this collection, dubbed "Built to Scale," has you assembling mechanical components on an assembly line. The twist, though, is that you have to do it in time with the music, flicking your inanimate carbon rod at just the right time. The mini-game belies a simple truth: music can make anything fun.
In the real world: Not only is being a plumber hard, physical work, it can also be pretty gross at times. Imagine having to unclog all of the crap that people let down their drains. Hair, garbage, and plenty of other things I'd rather not think about. It's not a pretty site. It's also not the most respected job in the world, as the most common symbol of a plumber is a dude with his butt crack showing.
Above: Yep
In videogames: Video game plumbers, meanwhile, are very respected. In fact, a certain plumber named Mario is the most recognizable face in all of games. And the only pipes he has to unclog are ones filled with Piranha Plants.
Meanwhile, he gets to race cars, save princesses, referee Mike Tyson fights, and play every sport from tennis to baseball. He's been to space, to the Olympics, to the past, inside a giant lizard... seriously, the list goes on an on. He was even portrayed by Bob Hoskins in a feature film. Not bad for a lowly plumber.
Above: Let’s just pretend it was a lovely film and move along…
In the real world: Just imagine that in order to keep a roof over your head, you had to take on all of these careers. On its own, each job is a full-time gig, so being forced to do all four would leave you absolutely drained. You'd be dirty, wet, and constantly smell like fish. And sleep? Forget about it.
Above: Get up, you asshole! Tom Nook needs his bells!
In videogames: In each entry in the Animal Crossing series, this is precisely what you have to do. Thanks to an insane (and constantly rising) debt to that crook landlord Tom Nook, the game becomes a constant struggle just to make ends meet. You'll go on errands for forgetful animals, hunt and catch bugs and fish and dig up rare fossils, all in the hope of finally paying off your debt.
PROTIP: YOU WILL NEVER BE FREE
The thing is, there’s something alluring about paying off Nook and getting that bigger house, even though you know there’s always another upgrade waiting around the corner. Maybe it’s the desire to show off to some virtual talking animals. Or maybe it’s to fill it up with more and more virtual furniture and decorations. Whatever it is, it's enough to make you take on a seemingly unending list of virtual jobs to get it.
May 12, 2010