I have had the honor and opportunity to be present with several people in death, as well as in their life. This past week as I sought to soothe and comfort a friend of mine whose husband is making his transition, I took some time to reflect on the similarities that I have observed over the years when people make their transitions and move on. The application, or focus, of their spirit from this life to another. Applied spirituality in action.
My first experience with death, up close and personal was my Grandmother. She lived with us when I was growing up and was not just a grandmother, but much like another mother to me. She was born in 1900 and died in 1991. The last two years of her life were spent in a nursing facility because my mother and dad simply could not give her the physical care she required. My grandmother was pretty unhappy about this; but Mom and Dad visited her at least once a day and often twice, spending meals with her. The last year of her life she kind of "went away". She kept her eyes closed and seemed to be watching a movie. She wasn't in a coma nor did she suffer with any dementia or Alzheimer's. If you called her name, she would open her eyes and be present with you. She was simply otherwise occupied. I don't know what she was focusing on, memories of days past or visions of things to come, but I do know that underneath those closed eyelids, her eyes were always moving.
She had little appetite, as well as little interest in the stories I would tell her or the jokes I would crack. She was polite, kind and loving as she would listen; but then she would ask me to go home. After a very little while, I realized this was her process of refocusing from this plane of existence to another. My Gran was 90 years old and had lived a very good, long life. So there was no regret about lost chances, but still, I knew I would miss her and there, was my pain. Gran had none. Yet, I wondered, why was she hanging on? There was really nothing "wrong" with her, so to speak. She had no diseases. She was simply old. However, my Mother had never been without her. From the time my Mother was married, her mother, my Gran lived with her. It was Mom who could not accept and could not let go. For the last year I realized that Gran was just hanging out waiting for Mom to accept and release her. This came about one weekend when the attending doctor advised that he would have to amputate some of Gran's toes, due to lack of circulation. This news my Mother could not bear, and so she finally acknowledged that Gran needed and even wanted to move on.
Within hours of my Mom having her private chat with Gran, Gran passed away beautifully in her sleep. I learned these things:
I learned witnessing this process that people are connected and have "agreements". When the "agreements" are fulfilled, they move on
learned that there is a withdrawal process from this focus and a refocusing into the new plane.
I learned that the process is elegant and beautifully orchestrated.
My Grandmother was no stranger to death. She had experienced it many times throughout her long life. She was not afraid of dying. She had been a widow since she was 44 years old, and still missed her husband, my Grandfather. She spoke to him all the time, conferred with him, and I am sure, felt his presence with her for all the years that came after he left. She buried her first two grandchildren who died as infants as well as her parents, and assorted and numerous friends and relatives. In short, Gran's death was not complicated by a fear of it, rather she had long accepted it as a matter of fact and integral part of life.
It has been said that every life is a suicide, which is to say that whether we are consciously deciding or subconsciously deciding, we are the ones choosing when, where and how we leave this incarnation. I have witnessed enough death now to conclude that I believe this is true. In life on this planet, we focus our spirit right here into our daily lives on planet earth. We focus on the details, we create, we destroy, we recreate and have our adventure.
When we feel as though we have explored this venue long enough, we withdraw our focused spirit from this plane and refocus it on what is next. This is a process just like when we withdraw our focus from one chore and refocus it on the next one. We apply our spirit where we choose, for our own reasons and at our own will.
It helps if we can see ourselves as eternal beings, simply moving on to the next adventure like actors on a stage, we take our exit. Gone from this stage perhaps, but we are not gone from somewhere.
When I was saying my good byes to my Gran, I immediately found myself reliving the many adventures she and I had shared over the years. We laughed until we cried. She would recall things that I'd forgotten and vice verse. The important thing to note, was that we were only reliving the good stuff, the love - for that was all that remained, Viewed from that Good feeling place, we both were full and replete. It had been a great ride together with no regrets. It was bountiful and replete.
Every life is of value, great value. That person's presence on the planet has far reaching effects. My Grandmother was never was educated. She lived with my parents on a small Social Security benefit of less than $400 per month, but she was rich. She laughed heartily, she loved full out, she worked mightily in her yard and her kitchen. She did everything as if it mattered, and it did. She never worried about her weight, her wrinkles or her worth. She lived until she refocused - all with grace and elegance, knowing who she was: valuable being. She didn't get all wound up in psychology or religion. She never made herself wrong. When she was sad, she cried; and then looked for something to make her feel better and refocused herself on that. When she was angry, she would express it. And when she was happy, she was tickled to her very core with delight. And when she decided to leave and return home, she did it with grace and elegance without fear.
A life must be viewed as a whole from start to finish. If you are intent on seeing the elegance of it, you will. Trust in the process, it is guided from Within just as every single moment of life has been. The degree of ease tells the degree of connection with Source within. But even in those cases where there is great resistance and fear, that life is being guided to refocus to the great More; and that being is greeted on the other side with resounding cheers of "Well Done!"