With Friday's announcement that the Sonics will be abandoning Seattle for Oklahoma City, the Emerald City seems destined to become the largest metropolitan market in the country without an NBA team (surpassing San Diego). Seattle residents need not fret, though: while they'll miss out on Kevin Durant, they'll have a new team as soon as they decide to pony up for a stadium. The only question is, "Whose team will it be?"
Milwaukee
Relocating the Bucks makes sense for a number of reasons. First off, Milwaukee is toward the lower end of the NBA's range in terms of overall market size. They've also got an insufficient and deteriorating arena, and a local population that might not be all that willing to pay for a new one given how recently the Brewers' Miller Park was built on their dime. Also, they recently drafted the player tabbed by many to be the next Chinese superstar in Yi Jianlian -- a player that would be highly marketable anywhere, but especially on the west coast, and Seattle is something of a passageway to the far east. On the other hand, the Bucks are owned by a United States Senator who has maintained his keen interest in keeping the team in Brew City for the long haul. Should Senator Kohl decide to sell without regard for a possible relocation, the Bucks will attract some interesting bids, but thus far all signs continue to point toward keeping the Bucks in Milwaukee. Still, should Kohl receive the proverbial unrefusable offer, we may finally answer that long-pondered question: when Milwaukeeans cry, does beer come out?*
New Orleans
I know, I know. Insult to injury. The fact is, though, that New Orleans was sort of an untenable spot for a franchise even before Katrina buried it. Now, it remains one of the league's smallest markets, and it's also a place that probably doesn't have tremendous potential for growth. Raise your hand if you'd move to New Orleans right now. If your hand is up, you've got a lot more faith in those patched up levees than I have. The Hornets barely decided to return themselves after vacillating on whether or not to stay in Oklahoma City after a surprisingly successful season there last year. Had they stayed, the Sonics would likely also be staying put. As it stands, the Hornets seem like prime candidates to head northwest, just as the now-nonsensically-named Utah Jazz did in 1979. At least there are actually hornets in Seattle.
Memphis
It was certainly an intriguing move when Michael Heisley bought the Grizzlies in 2000, promised not to move them, and then almost immediately moved them. It was the type of blatant lying usually reserved for cheating spouses or politicians. And it is not an action that probably engenders a whole lot of faith in Heisley's ability to remain steadfast about his commitment to whichever community he's currently trying to manipulate. In this case, that community is currently the league's second smallest market, and one which incurs sizable losses each year. Would Heist-ly (I just made that up) move his team back to a city only around 250 miles away from the perfectly good city he abandoned just seven years ago? I suspect he might, if the price was right. Seattle to Heisley: "Come on down!"
Charlotte
Another of the NBA's smallest markets (is that your theme-detector going off? Oh wait, it's my smoke detector. Be right back... ok, now it's the theme-detector), the Hornets are anchored to the area by BET founder Bob Johnson and minority owner and North Carolina alum Michael Jordan. However, the Bobcats have had it rather easy so far as they've fallen back on novelty as a draw at the gate -- first from a new team and then from a new arena -- without the legitimate appeal of a good team. They'll have to turn around the results on the court soon, as their payroll has begun to rise, and if attendance doesn't spike accordingly, they're going to start losing money hand over fist. Will Johnson have the guts to stick that out? Nobody knows. One thing's certain, though: Michael Jordan has a horrible track record in the NBA since leaving the Bulls. He was the last guy you'd bet against while he played, but when he's deciding who plays, catastrophe seems to follow. The Bobcats are off to a good start so far this year, but a couple injuries have left them with almost no depth, and they aren't likely to survive the rest of the season unscathed, which means another trip to the lottery. How many of those will Johnson weather before he sells out to the Seattle's demands?
Oklahoma City
Sorry, Sooners. I couldn't resist the hilarity that would ensue if the Sonics were to bounce down to the old Indian Territory only to be bounced out and back to the next best option -- Seattle, of course -- by the inability of a dust bowl to sustain needed crops, much less an NBA franchise. The fans will certainly support this team... at first. But what happens if Durant isn't the savior he's being made out to be? It likely won't be long before attention returns in full force back to the popular OU teams. By the way, don't freak out, Oklahomans, because this fifth spot could easily be occupied by "Expansion," but compared to this option, simply adding a new team to Seattle just seems kind of boring. It's just funnier to keep to the tradition of Oklahoma by giving it's people something and then almost immediately snatching it back. They could even call it the Sonics Appropriation Act.